A Single Step

Her life before she was given in marriage to Philip had hardly prepared her in that regard. If times had been normal, it might have been different, but they had been anything but. A late and definitely unplanned pregnancy, Lynn's early life had been dominated by the twin catastrophes of the Japanese occupation of China and the civil war with the Communists that had resumed even before the Japanese had been defeated by the Americans. It was only the fact that her father had been a minor functionary in the government that allowed them to escape at all. What education on any subject she had prior to being thrust into adulthood had been fragmentary at best.

Much of that had been made up for along the way, her sons' educations leading to her own. Still, there were areas that in no way had been covered. Unless of course she counted the varied adult material she would sometimes find hidden away in her sons' room.

Most of it consisted of simple nudie magazines, the kind that she knew most teenage boys somehow always managed to get their hands on. A small minority, however, turned out to be of a different, more graphic sort. She was shocked to learn, after bringing those books to her husband's attention, that they had come from his own private collection of which she had been unaware.

In reply to her concern that their sons were looking at such things, he quickly replied that he would be more worried if they weren't interested in looking. He actually exhibited a mixture of amusement that they had located his hidden treasure, and pride in the choice of what they had borrowed. Seeing that this was an argument she had already lost, Lynn didn't broach the subject with him again.

However, once she knew of the existence of the collection, Lynn found herself surreptitiously borrowing a book from time to time herself. The things she saw and read about were a revelation to say the least. She couldn't imagine herself or any of the proper women she knew ever doing some of the things she saw depicted in those magazines. At least not until she overheard three of the younger women at the community center discussing one of those very acts, albeit in hushed tones. A conversation they quickly ended when one of them realized that she could hear them.

While she had never done any of the things she read about, Lynn had wondered if she might enjoy them if ever she had someone to do them with. Or would that mythical person that she would take as a lover think her perverse for even thinking about them?

"Enough of this," Lynn said to herself as she looked at the clock on the wall, "dwelling on what I don't have isn't going to do me any good."

It was almost time for bed and it was her practice to take a shower before retiring. Turning off the television, she poured out the last of her wine into the sink, taking care to rinse the glass and put in on the rack to dry. Afterwards Lynn decided to call it a night.

Stripping off the oversized t-shirt she had changed into after dinner when she'd sat down to watch television, Lynn walked naked into the bathroom. Even though she planned to brush her teeth and take care of other personal needs first, she reached past the light blue curtain and turned on the water. It would take a few minutes to reach a level above lukewarm. Sometimes being your own landlord was really frustrating. She knew the building needed a new water heater, but the money for one always seemed to be needed for something else.

Looking again at the face in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, or more accurately at the view between neck and waist, Lynn idly wondered what Patrick had thought of her breasts. They were pretty small she knew, and didn't everyone say that most Americans like large breasts? At least all those women in the magazines her husband had hoarded were well endowed. Surely some of them liked petite women like herself.

Realizing that she was again wandering into an area of thought of which no good could come of, Lynn cut short her brushing and turned to step into the shower without letting it warm all the way up. A cold shower might be exactly what she needed to put that foolishness to rest.

The water was indeed cooler than was desirable and for a minute or two it had the intended effect. But eventually the old water heater did its job and it wasn't only the water that began to warm up.

Lynn had to admit, the increasingly hot water felt good against her skin. Taking the bar of soap from the small tray screwed into the tiled wall, she began to soap up her body.

As she ran her soapy hand across her breasts, Lynn could feel her nipples harden, making them so much more sensitive. It had been quite a long time since they felt a touch other than her own, but the memory of it always came back at times like this.

The image of when she had been a new bride and the center of her husband's attention filled her thoughts, even as a wet hand glided down across her stomach, finding its way to the lightly haired mound between her legs. She brushed against it, the tips of her fingers hitting the most sensitive of spots just long enough to cause her to let out a soft sigh of satisfaction. Then her hand, joined by its twin, slid around to the cheeks of her ass to embrace the rounded flesh there. The path of both marked by a thin trail of soapy bubbles.

Again her hand moved to the front, moving upward along now excited flesh to close around the roundness of her chest, eliciting yet another sigh, this one just a bit louder. A playful squeeze reminded her that it was no sin to please yourself and she tossed aside any last caution.

Rinsing her hands in the overhead spray, she brought both of them again down between her legs, this time without hesitation. Following a path that had become all too familiar in the last few years, she parted the way with one outstretched hand and slid a finger of the other inside herself. It took no effort at all to find the small clit now only partially hidden. The cries that spilled from her lips were loud enough to be heard beyond the bathroom, that is if there had been anyone else out there to hear them.

Closing her eyes as she rested her back against the tiles, Lynn slipped several more fingers deep inside herself and began to masturbate. There was a part of her that wished it were something more, but another of her voices admonished her to be thankful for what she had. As a familiar, pleasing tingle began to spread out across her body, it was hard to find fault with that sentiment.

The tingle soon became a touch, then moved on to a tremble. Finally it became a tremor, one that only increased with each repetition, the frequency of which also seemed to intensify with the passing of time.

"Oh yes," Lynn heard herself say. "That feels so nice."

The water temperature had finally reached hot, a condition that also would easily describe her body. Fingers now a blur as they passed in and out of her, her body quaked in response to the forces she had unleashed.

"Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes!" she again heard herself say as what had started as a tiny flame exploded into a fireball, causing her body to erupt in orgasmic fury.

How long it lasted she wasn't sure, only that she soon again became aware of the water running down her face, across her body and down her legs. Legs that at the moment felt very weak but satisfyingly so.

Staying under the cleansing spray just long enough to wash away the results of her pleasuring, a somewhat distressing thought came to mind. That the image of the only lover she had ever known had faded away sometime during the event was a common occurrence, that hadn't daunted her in the least. What had was the fact that it had been replaced by someone quite familiar. One that she spent the better part of most days with.

"I'm just being silly," she told herself as she finished drying herself off and, after moving back into the main room, settled into the small bed. "He's just a boy."

Then, just as she was about to close her eyes, another voice asserted itself, reminding her that Patrick was older than she had been her first time.

-=-=-=-

The next morning, soon after opening the store, Lynn got in her car and drove across town. When, months before, Philip had asked her to sit down and work out a formal separation agreement between them, he had been greatly surprised when she'd shown up with a lawyer. The grocery store owner might not have been highly educated, but no one could ever accuse her of being a fool. The two of them negotiated a monthly stipend based on a percentage of the restaurant's profits as the price of her agreement. Philip hadn't been happy with that turn of events, but he knew that if she went through with a divorce he could lose a great deal more.

One of the first things Lynn had done with the extra money was to expand her own business, specifically hiring extra help to run the store on the weekends. If nothing else, it gave her back enough free time to start having a life again.

Knowing her husband's propensity to sometimes let bills pile up until he was forced to pay them, she wasn't that surprised the first, or even the second time her monthly check was late. After hearing Philip's excuse that he simply forgot to mail it, Lynn made a little change in the agreement. From now on, she would make it a point to stop by the restaurant and pick it up herself. That would also give her a chance to take a look at the books now and then, just to make sure she was getting what she was supposed to.

Not wanting her visits to be too disruptive, Lynn usually made them in the mid-morning hours when the restaurant would be the least busy. Usually the only real activity before the lunch crowd began to come in was food deliveries and such.

Philip had yet to arrive when she got there so she let herself into his office and opened his safe to get her check. She'd always had the combination but had never used it until things went bad between them. There was no doubt that the check would be there, he hadn't missed a month since she started picking it up personally. Looking at the amount, she saw that business was indeed good. So good in fact that it might not be a bad idea to have her own accountant go over the books again soon. Not that she thought he was cheating her, but just to let him know that she was paying attention should that thought occur.

After spending less than ten minutes in the office, Lynn came out to the dining area and asked one of the waitresses to get her a cup of tea. She didn't recognize the new girl but the fact that she had been in the boss' office was enough for her to be treated with deference. There were few workers and even fewer customers there at the moment so she had plenty of privacy to drink her tea while she browsed through the morning paper. By the time she was finished, the sound of a familiar voice from the entranceway told her that Philip had finally arrived.

It wasn't necessary for her to announce herself; she knew the girl at the counter would've told him that she was here the minute he came in. Sure enough, less than a minute later he was sitting on the opposite side of the booth. The matter she wanted to discuss with him, one relating to the needs of one of their sons, took only a little longer. The welfare of their children was one area where they were always civil with each other and while he might complain about money on just about anything else, he never worried about the cost of his son's education. A few polite inquiries followed about each other's health and then Lynn said her goodbyes.

As she was leaving, she paused at the front counter to say goodbye to the woman there. As much a fixture at the restaurant as the long row of booths, Su- ching had been there almost from the beginning. While they spoke, Lynn noticed that someone was watching her from the bar. Not recognizing her, she asked her old friend who the girl was. The awkward silence she got in return told her all she needed to know.

"So that's her," Lynn thought as she turned and took a long, hard look at the girl standing only twenty feet away.

That she would be young was something that Lynn expected, but the reality still took her by surprise. Despite her husband now being in his early fifties, his taste in women hadn't changed. The girl couldn't have been older than she had been the first time he had taken her to his bed.

About the same height as Lynn, the girl had long black hair that stretched half way down her back. She had a very pretty face, but that was also as much a given as the well-developed shape of her body. Even from across the room it was obvious that the girl had a bust that could attract the attention of any man.

"Enjoy yourself while it lasts," Lynn thought as she passed the girl on her way out, giving her enough of a knowing smile to leave no doubt that she knew exactly who she was . "If experience is any teacher, he'll eventually grow tired of you and look elsewhere for his comforts."

As the door closed behind her and she walked to her car, Lynn wondered if that was another reason why Philip preferred a separation to a divorce. The former allowed him an excuse not to make any other relationship more permanent and so allow it to be more easily ended.

-=-=-=-

After leaving the restaurant, Lynn made a quick stop at the bank to deposit the check before heading back to the store. As she made her way through the late morning traffic, Lynn found herself unable to get the image of Philip's girl out of her mind. She knew that she had hardly been the first one to take her place in his bed, but somehow having a face to go with the knowledge made it seem so much more real.

Lynn found herself wondering if that girl, she hadn't thought to ask Su-ching her name, did those things for Philip that she used to see and read about in the magazines her husband used to hide. Things she had never done herself but might very well have been willing to try if she had been asked.

Unbidden images of the two of them together came to her; visions of what Philip had looked like when they were first married and how she imagined his new lover might look without her clothes. The mental imagery produced a damp feeling between her legs and a fluttering beneath her chest. Inexplicably, she felt quite warm, despite the unseasonably cool breeze that had been blowing all morning. By the time she pulled the car into a parking spot in front of the grocery, she knew she needed some physical relief or she'd never make it through the rest of the day.

Entering the grocery store, she barely acknowledged Patrick as she sped past him and went straight to her office. Patrick thought that strange as she was usually so friendly all the time. Perhaps, he thought, she'd had a disagreement with her husband when she went to see him. It had happened before and that was the only time he could ever remember seeing her upset.

Five minutes passed, then ten, and Lynn failed to reappear from behind the closed door. Eventually Patrick began to become concerned and, after telling Sally Young, the college student girl Lynn had hired a few weeks before, to watch the counter, he cautiously approached the office. Listening at the door, he could hear some sort of activity going on behind it but wasn't sure what to make of the sounds. It was only when he heard what he was sure had been his name that he gently rapped his knuckles on the wooden door.

No response came, unless he wanted to count what he was sure was a moan of sorts. Fearful that she might have been hurt in some way, he tried the doorknob and finding it unlocked, slowly opened the door.

It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dimness; the only illumination in the windowless room was coming from the desk lamp. It was immediately obvious that Lynn wasn't at her desk as that chair was empty. Opening the door all the way, his line of sight moved to the small sofa he knew to be set up against the far wall.

"Oh shit!" Patrick exclaimed as a single glance told him he had made an incredibly wrong assumption.

Sitting on the couch, her clothing in a state of partial disarray, sat Lynn. From the location of her hands, one beneath her blouse and the other buried deep between her legs, there was no doubt as to what she had been doing. Suddenly the sounds he had been perplexed by made perfect sense.

"Oh God," Patrick said, his face bright red with embarrassment, "Mrs. C, I had no idea, I never imagined..."

Hearing his voice, Lynn finally looked up and realized that she was no longer alone. Her own exclamation was in her native Cantonese and Patrick had no idea what she was saying, only that she seemed as upset by what had happened as he was. Having no idea what else to do, he began to quickly retrace his steps and head back out into the store. He got as far as the doorframe when Lynn called out for him to wait, this time her words in English.

Turning around, Patrick saw that she had used the brief time his back had been turned to compose herself as best she could. She was still closing the buttons on her blouse as she repeated her request that he come back. Thinking that the best thing at the moment was to listen to her, he did.

"Mrs. C, I'm sorry," Patrick quickly began saying, "I had no idea that you were..."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing, Patrick," she cut him off just as quickly. "There's a time and place for everything, and this was neither."

"I never would've come in here unasked," Patrick went on, still intent on explaining his actions, "but I thought you might've fallen or something, and I thought I heard you call my name."

"I called your name?" Lynn said, asking herself the question more than him.

Then it hit her, she had. As she began to lose herself in the joy of self- pleasure, the image in her mind was no longer that of Philip and his lover. Without her realizing it, it had again been replaced by that of the young man standing there before her.

"You must think me quite wicked," Lynn said.

"Why would I think that?" he asked, a smile again filling his face.

"Because respectable women don't ...," she said, pausing as she sought the words. "Because they don't do what you saw me doing in the middle of the work day."

"I think you might be surprised by what respectable women do," he said, his tone trying to be reassuring, "at any hour of the day and in any number of places."

Lynn looked at him, unsure if that could ever be true. She desperately wanted it to be so, if only so that he might not think her perverse.

"I thought you might've had a fight with your husband again," Patrick said, continuing to explain why he had intruded on her privacy.

"No, not this time," she said, and then found herself relating her encounter with the girl who now occupied her bed in the house she once called home.

"I could see how that would be upsetting," Patrick responded after she finished her story.

"I'm glad you understand," Lynn said. "I couldn't bear it if you thought any less of me."

"I could never think less of you," Patrick smiled. "I think you're the best friend I've ever had."

Hearing those words, Lynn felt a soothing wave of relief wash over her. She felt so relaxed that she said something that up until that moment, was a thought she never imagined putting words too.

"It's a pity I'm not twenty years younger," she said.

As soon as she said it, embarrassment returned to her face. Patrick, however, didn't find the remark the least bit embarrassing.

"I wish I were twenty years older," he replied.

"Life is too short to want to be older too soon," Lynn said, thinking that aside from her sons, she didn't have much to show for the last half of her life.

"Then let's say ten years for each of us," Patrick grinned, "that way we could've met in the middle."

Lynn opened her mouth to say something else, but then thought better of it. What was already an awkward situation could easily become even more so. Perhaps it was better to simply ignore what was just said and leave it at that. Patrick had a similar thought and pointed out he should get back out front before Sally wondered what happened to him.