All Comments on 'A Sister Surprise: Cute Cheerleader'

Jasmine, this is, as usual, a great story. You are the best.

This is where you shine. You should stick with lesbian stories. Or if you simply must branch out, focus on the lesbian stories mostly. They are what you do.best,.and you are.the best at them. Terrific job. 5

Love all your stories. Can't wait for Sister Surprise; Drunk mommy. You are the most prolific writer with pictures on this site. Keep up the good work and you will be keeping me "UP".

Jasmine, first of all, I really enjoy you're writing style. I've been following you for years, and have read (at least once) all of your straight-oriented stories. In particular, your depictions of dominance and control and sexual desperation are (ideally ;) ) very realistic and highly enjoyable. Your themes and plot structures, though often repeated from story to story are rarely tedious and usually as entertaining as the sexual depictions.

That being said, there is one minor thing that has been bugging me for years that would be a fairly easy fix. (And this is advice I got from my creative writing professor in grad school, so take it as you will.) You have an over-fondness for dialogue-qualifying words - said/stated/asked/questioned/(and ESPECIALLY)quipped. This isn't to say you should never use these words. Probably more often than not something should be there (said or asked). The problem arises when you use these words to show how your character is feeling/saying something rather than showing it through their actions or letting the dialogue speak for itself. You write excellent dialogue and often those qualifiers are unnecessary and jarring. Especially "quipped." I acknowledge it's a fun word, and kind of a signature for your writing. But overuse is a real thing.

Alternatives to quipped: joked, jested, cracked, gibed, ribbed, razzed, taunted, or even just said (character) with a slight smile/wink/gleam of the eye/curl of the lip.

Again, it's a minor thing. Keep up the good work, and I would ask if we could steer back toward the son/mother or brother/sister with your spectacular brand of domination/submission, that would be great. However, as a fellow writer, I understand you should write what you want to write and what you enjoy writing.

Cheers!

-C

More please. This is a wonderful tell that I would like to see more of.

Great story as always. Now if I only had a willing sister

Another home run here. Keep up the great work.

The story is great, but the pictures totally take me out of it.

Can't wait for the next one.

Frez

I'm very much looking forward to seeing how it plays out with mommy. The dialogue in this story is cheesy but it works. Thank you!

Clever boy!

Liked it. Agreed with guy who says lesbians are best. Think you should flip the script with mom. Make her angry about sister seducing brother. Tell daughter she may have only been a jv cheerleader in her day but she was still a cheerleader. And that means her pretentious bitch of a daughter must service her. So get licking! Nice work.

a good story, but disappointingly short. 2 pages, with "deleted scenes" and pictures... Leaves at least me feeling slightly cheated.

There was something mildly annoying about this story, something ridiculous, but at the end it succeeded to get me, so congrats anyway.

I really, really have enjoyed this short series, although I would have liked to see part 3 be longer. I like the possible follow ups mentioned in part 2, particularly about Mom's Threesome........sounds really, really hot. As a possible extension, I'd love to hear what happens to Joey when he gets to college the next year. I'm sure that some of Sarah's sorority sisters have really big plans for using him.

Another winner for the best, most prolific writer on Literotica!

I thought chapter 3 was great - but this was fantastic - if a little short !

Geeze you know how to tell a hot story, can't wait for chapter 4 !

I just wonder if this can possibly get any better ?

Rapier

Awesome can't wait for the next chapter in this series

This is a great series, The only thing I wish you would do is come out with a beta story without the photos. Call me old fashion but I like your stories without the illustrations more. You can insert your own definition of what the character looks like. If you come up with photos after the creative juices have flowed release it as the 2.0 version of the story. Otherwise great storyline. Can't wait to see what they do to their mother.

Please, please, please write the next chapter!!!!

Please continue this story. Simply amazing.

Love this story! Can't wait to read more! Anxious to see what else happens between him and his new cheerleader slut girlfriend. Loved how it played out with her, hopefully his claim on her is the only one! Well along with his sister of course .

Please continue with this story it would be great to see it continue

Could you continue this it's a great story.

Keep the series going

Chapter One was the best in this series.

Chapter Two was a place holder, for the most part. It had Sarah and Joey fucking and sucking in a bunch of positions, but there wasn’t much story.

This chapter was also light on story, but it did show a new relationship for Joey, a girlfriend.

Now, “A Sister Surprise: Drunk Mommy” is now a year overdue. Still, we are coming up on Halloween. I say, give us another unillustrated chapter. That should make the chapter come faster, and force you to focus more on a character driven story, versus a sexual position driven story.

I like Joey. I like his wild-eyed innocence. I Ike his nascent Dom tendencies. He’s fun. I think you should have Jane suggest to Joey that he might try dominating his sister! Let Jane believe she “corrupted” her new boyfriend into satisfying her Incest Fetish. Then, have Jane press Joey and Sarah into trying to seduce their mother! This could be so Jane can vicariously live out her fantasies of seducing her own mother, a goal Joey might help her realize in anothet future chapter.

A LOT OF ACTION, BUT SHORT ON STORY! JOE HAS HIS HEART SET ON HIS SISTER; SHE ONLY USING HIM FOR SEX, AND BARTERS HIM OUT TO HER CHEERLEADER GIRLFRIENDS; THEN SHE PASSES HIM DOWN THE LINE TO SOME TRAMP HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADER. LETS GIVE JOE SOME BALLS NOW AND DROP THIS NEW CHEERLEADER JANE AND DOMINATE HIS SISTER. MAYBE LOVE WILL PREVAIL. A LITTLE MORE ROMANCE AND DRAMA, LESS IMPROBABLE SEX. YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE VERY GIRL IS A SLUT/WHORE! THE FIRST WAS GOOD , THE SECOND AND THIRD CHAPTERS GOING DOWNHILL QUICKLY. LET THE SISTER START TO REALIZE SHE JUST MIGHT BE GIVING UP A GOOD SOLID LOVE FROM JOE . SHIT, SARAH'S X-BF CALL HER A SLUT, AND JOE IS ABOUT TO TAKE A GUY MUCH BIGGER THAN HIMSELF! THROW SOME OBSTACLES IN THEIR WAY TO SEE IF THEY CONQUER THEM TO A POSITIVE OUTCOME. THERE'S A LOT OF OPPORTUNITIES HERE.

Can’t wait for the next chapter when Mommy gets drunk and fucked

Thank you from the bottom of my old horny heart. You are fast becoming one of my favorite Authors. I have mentioned on some of your other stories that I had an incestuous relationship with my Aunt. Incest IS best!!

I have rediscovered you after a few years elsewhere and you are still as much fun as ever. What a wicked sense of humour, I shall really enjoy the catching up. But don't lose that humour it's what gives you the edge.

It continues with all the feelings right there and so RAW. Total possession now with the use of his COCK

The illustrations add to the incredible story line.

I am excited about the next story.

Can’t wait for the next chapter.

You are certainly one of the best writers.

another unfinished story :(

I stopped reading this series. The stupid illustrations ruined it.

you did it again, a very hot and sexy story

I could see why he needed a "girlfriend" his age.

personally I like the illustrations, I also loved how you added the deleted parts. I could see the story going many ways and I think you choose right.

very well written Thank you

Nice story, but I think I've had enough of the illustrations, They look kind of cheesy. I gave this chapter 5 stars anyway because I'm a fan of the author.

wish my old girlfriend did this...and now that im married....just wish my wife would have stuck with it...but got cold feet...i miss threesomes and foursomes

4 out of 5 stars, because the illustrations were really too cheesy. It would have been better to have stuck with written descriptions, like the first chapter, and left it up to the imagination of the reader. Given the date of the story and lack of a follow-up chapter, I guess that story has been dropped.

Excellent! I am now a confirmed fan!

Omg the insanely hot sucking and fucking, so depraved and outrageously fucking hot. Cunt crazed fucker Lanc’s UK.

The pictures detract from the story. Hot though.

the illustrations were great, lol the people who don't like them should be reading non illustrated stories lol easy to do.

Story also very good but could have more explicit descriptions.

Between this and at least one other story, it seems like the characters don't know how to have a conversation without trying to out-quip each other. After a short while, their trying to be clever around their partner gets old and tiresome. Maybe it's the costume party that brings it out. The other story I'm remembering has the brother dressed up as Spiderman.

I couldn’t get into this story, it all seemed too contrived and artificial. 3 stars

Bill S.

I would love to see this story continued. Very sexy. And as with all your stories love the stockings and anal elements.

Good story as usual, CHEESY ILLUSTRATIONS!!! totally detracted from the read ... idk who this so called illustrator is but frankly their amateur at best

Love your stories and want to be able to read multiple more parts to A Sisters Surprise

This entire series is one helluva jerking playground! I've cum a few times already. And if I was there, that would have been more than a few.

A great story from you once again.

Really hope he eventually breeds his sister and his girlfriend, along with a few of the “sisters” at college, and the cheerleaders at home. It would be even better if he breeds his mom, and the cheerleading coach, along with a few other teachers, including a couple married, submissive ones.