All Comments on 'A SlaveGirl's Recounting for Her Master'

Good writing, though the twist at the end is abrupt and would benefit from a hint of foreshadowing. It has a "deus ex machina" feel that is out of place. I also suggest using 1st or 3rd person POV rather than 2nd. It is easier for readers to engage with than 2nd. That said, you write well and I hope you post more.

Hi Visioneer, thank you for the critique! I really thought I was doing too much foreshadowing with him not letting me see him, the baseball cap, etc. I was sure readers would see right through it. And the whole point of the story is that it is in the first person - I actually don't think it would work in the 2nd. But you have made me think more about that and how to better draw in the reader. Thank you!

wasn't too shocked that it wasn't really her Master. I was surprised, but I did have my suspicions when you mentioned that he was wearing a baseball cap and that he was practically hiding his face from her.

It was also strange that her online Master could arrange such a trip and manage to find out where she was at that moment without her even knowing it.

Hot story. I was a little puzzled about the part where the neighbour mentioned that she should have left a password on her wireless account. If by 'wireless account' you are referring to an online account, it would be strange if it didn't require a password.

Hm. I liked the story, but not the ending. Guess I'm a sucker for a HEA, but I wanted it to be her master, not her creepy neighbor. You did foreshadow well, so it was always in doubt, but I still hoped. Anyway, good writing, and I hope we see more from you!

A damn good read with one heck of a twist at the end. Thank you for posting this, well worth the read.

This is a great story. I didn't see the ending coming and then kicked myself for not catching the clues - even the title is a clue. I hope we can count on you for more stories like this.

I read this story when it was first published and thought I had left a comment, but it obviously didn't work so here it is again.

I enjoyed reading this story.

I have to admit a little confusion when her Master crept up behind her as I couldn't work out how he found her if she was just there on a whim. Neither could I work out why a total stranger would be patrolling the water front 'equipped'.

Then, of course, I felt a bit dumb when it turned out to be her neighbour and not her master. It was a nice twist.

I look forward to what the neighbour does next.

P.S. To Kitten_in_heat. I agree with most of your assessment but have to say that I personally know of WiFi accounts that allow free access and Mistress tells me that She has come across e-mail accounts without passwords, but we are in the UK. Maybe it's different here. In any case, it is fiction and doesn't have to be 100% accurate. Look at 007!

You should continue writing.