All Comments on 'A Species' Survival Ch. 01'

Early access to chapters of this story and my other stories "A Strange Compulsion" and "A Wolf's Rage" are available on my website.

Website link is:

https://www.patreon.com/rebekahkarlsen

This is fun and creative. I look forward to further adventures. Thank you.

An interesting take on a venom type of alien and sure hit cant wait for the sister to be involved maybe even a threesome. Guacamole butter dog

Interesting premise, but it feels a bit rushed.

Apparently Liz must be a ghost given that she can be outside the door watching herself with her brother.

Lack of polish blows the story out of the water. It needs a lot less Eddie Brock and more Peter Parker. Liz isn't suddenly just the whore of the nation or incapable of retention of her drive. I mean seriously. Pixie dust or super magic formula to make them fall over legs spread. Sorry Charlie it's a no.

The Legal Declaration at the start was just unnecessarily silly.

Inbreeding actually results much more healthier offsprings thought

What incest?

What’s the point of melding with him and passing on the alien genetic material if there’s no way to retrieve it? It’s a meager attempt to justify the sudden irresistibleness of the protagonist and give him a reason to spurt his seed wherever he wants.

Serious editing glitch early on disrupted the flow for me, otherwise good start. 4*

Great so far! Please add an albino girl to his harem in the future. No particular reason I've just been checking out r/albinoporn and Nasyta Zhidkova and find them hot at the moment.

Great start!

Just stumbled over this story and haven't read anything from the author before, but to be honest, the characters lack a lot of depth, aka very little background to give them substance, and also this is more about a teenaged boy's lust and him being willing to fuck any and all females he runs across, at least that's what it appears like to me.

Anyway, i hope it improves as we move forward.

Been seeing this story off and on for a while now and just as long been debating about reading it. I am glad I finally decided to take the plunge. I have to say I better read this quickly for I think its good enough to make into an ebook.

Work on your redundancy. Also, you're contantly restating recent statements again, way too often, and with high frequency...

Otherwise nice read. Just fix 25% of it that's redundant filler.

Very nice read so far but no incest in this chapter gave it a 4 !!!!!!!!!!

Your story implies incest will be coming up in a future installment, but this on only got as close to it as the sister being overcome with the alien influence enough to begin having lust for her brother. So like many of the other readers commented, this was a disappointment.

Other readers have also mentioned a lack of proper character development and again I have to agree with that assessment. Plus the whole interaction with the alien doesn't fit well either. You're basically introducing that character as an excuse for changing Anthony's charisma and nothing more. All of the telepathic dialog with the alien in order to get the girls to fall for him was a complete waste of time since you're throwing away that character never to use it again. You could have just as easily had Anthony buy a voodoo charm at a carnival to achieve the same results. The implication of taking away Anthony's choices and free will also didn’t appeal to me either. I'm sure that in your mind you see Anthony as just a horny teenager who will go along with anything just to get laid so it doesn't matter.

I'm disappointed. 😞 3/5

Wow, aliens to.make a story. That's pathetic and ridiculous

I have been reading this and find the writing very expository with little characterization. Show don't tell.

Rather than writing, "I never liked that nickname." Try using dialog.

James looked to me with one of his shit eating grins and I just knew the next thing out his mouth would be meant to get under my skin, "Want to go to the movies this weekend Ant?"

"No, I don't. And, stop calling me Ant." I thought that would end it but he just had to go on.

"What's wrong with Ant? They're small but mighty, just like you Ant." Not for the first time I questioned if James really thought he was complementing me or just enjoyed having found a way to justify the insult.

This establishes then '4 musketeer' group as an unbalanced relationship with Anthony as the lowest member. It establishes that he is short, and that James isn't such a good friend. There are a lot more places you can go with this later in terms of Taboo or just as a conflict between your characters that needs resolution.

Also, the omniscient point view that the author uses could be improved upon by telling the story from the first person perspective.

For example, Marge made instant noodles and nocked on Anthony's door.

Versus,

Anthony had been up a while sulking when someone knocked on his door. Marge was then only one home, it must be her. Not very interested in entertaining his twin sister, Anthony got up and opened the door to see his sister holding a steaming bowl of instant noodles and a motherly smile.

I hope you see that your reader gets a lot more from then second paragraph then the sentence. I hope this information is helpful in fleshing out your stories and developing your pattern.

I have not rated your work as it seems more like an outline at this time. Good luck