by MarshalMarmont1815
Although this story is called "Kyle's adventures on Easter" in Story Submissions, the name of the character in this story is "Nicolas". That said, this is a good story that needs to be continued.
This was pretty good I wasn't a fan of the beginning much though but everything else was pretty good.
The hot sex is good. The missing words are bad (dropped I, he, she, etc.). The description is a lie (no Kyle). The continuity is better, although I get lost in all the names. I'm a big cock big tit fancier (cf sizequeensupreme). A little tighter and fewer mistakes and it's a 5. But it's your latest and you have tried to improve so you get a 4 and deserve the 3s.
I'm not as hard on the story as others. I liked the scenes with Jackie & Debbie.
My only issue is the tagline "Kyle’s adventures on Easter." behind the title. Kyle wasn't involved in the story.
Puts a whole new meaning of going to church, and by the way why do all the no named people who commented saying that this is not good, but the readers like me don't throw the writer under the bus, ever body has there right of opinion
The intro was terrible and enough for me to recognize it was going to be trash. I skipped to the comments, and I'm glad that I didn't waste my time and read this crap story.
This young man has a big harem to keep satisfied. This was a fun read thank you and I hope we get to read some more of his adventures and maybe he knocks a few of his "ladies" up.
You could use an editor. Lots of simple grammar bits that you're missing, and some spelling errors too.
Overall, nicely done.