All Comments on 'A Surprise in the Underwear Drawer'

I think it's a bad choice to use mental illness in a porn story. Just saying. Makes for an uninteresting tale

What in interesting story, the broken perception of the mind.

Really well written!

always no real ending

A great story idea that had the advantage of it being an original plot. A tale that is far and away different from the usual writings one finds here. There are a plenty of good stories on this site and category, but, often they follow similar story lines. This one is definitely different. This ending I did not see coming. Thank-you for this tale.

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Pasqual

Horrible writing style, horrible story! 1*

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..... nicely done!! 5/5!

Da’fuq did i just read? I have no idea who is doing what, i don’t even know what is going on and at this point, i’m starting to think the author meeds yo see a ahrink.

This has me so confused. The fuck

Interesting!

4

The constant switching of persons made the story almost unreadable.

He will never leave the psychiatric ward...2*

Interesting idea for a story line, just very confusing and not told very well.

As I understand the story, evaluation in the hospital reveals Peter and 'Roy' are the same person expressed as a mental condition of multiple personalities. One possibility for this story is that Peter, as 'Roy', seduces his wife, Margerite. Margerite enjoys Peter's/Roy's seduction and sex but it's unclear from the story whether what she is doing in her mind is role play by her husband or is a real affair with a man named 'Roy'. Feelings of guilt and refusing sex with Peter in the morning after being with 'Roy' the day before confuses what is real and what is not.

Another possibility for the story is that Roy is real and Margerite is having an affair which Peter finds out about and creates the personality of 'Roy' to fill in the missing facts of his wife's affair. Is Roy and Margerite's affair real or has Peter conjured up a personality to explain Margerite's 'affair' with 'Roy'? The story gives every indication that Roy is a real person to Margerite and is not role playing by Peter.

The unfamiliar underwear could be Peter's multiple personality's attempt to create 'Roy' as a real person. Maybe.

Can someone else give their take on this story?

The idea was good but the style/format was difficult (or at least for me annoying) to follow. But I think I see why you did it that way to avoid giving too much away…

Too confusing to enjoy.

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2 **

4 stars - I liked the story plot - but the jumping back and forth between characters was annoying.

Well that's an interesting take on it

Cheated and read the tags first. I feel like it helped avoid the issues other readers are mentioning.

Pretty fun idea actually. I'd like to see the multiple personalities coordinating to either stop a wife from cheating or getting revenge using the skill sets each personality brings to the table.

I gave you 4 stars for the plot. The rapid switching was a bit difficult to follow. That part could have been done better. All in all a decent story.

Interesting plot line. I didn’t see the twist coming. Some difficulties in the writing and rapid changes in POV were disruptive. Maybe you should ask for a volunteer editor.

Different, very different. I thought it was very amateurish until the twist. There IS a method to the madness. Salvaged a bad story, but it could have been fleshed out a bit more.

WTF

SO how is it peter saw his wife fuck Roy? because before you veered off into mental illness that is what your story suggested

Jumping back and forth between people made the story difficult to follow easily. Whole thing seemed pretty weird to me. The whole Peter/Roy thing just didn't work for me.

Different, I suppose. Interesting implications.

I do perceive it as cheating. I know, others will probably disagree.

Hope Peter can destroy Roy.

As for what to do with the wife...not sure.

This story feels like a mentally unstable person wrote a mentally chaotic story!

If you really need help, go to the doc!

This story feels like a mentally unstable person wrote a mentally chaotic story!

I was not expecting that turn of events

mattenw about 1 hour ago captured my thinking better than I could.

This story feels like a mentally unstable person wrote a mentally chaotic story!

Confession of a lying bitch that really tricked her husband into believing a load of horseshit.

Now that was a weird one. I was not expecting that. Very original story. I liked it 4*.

Lost cause story

If this was truly only a mental health issue then the writer the readers to much false information.

I think this is an interesting idea, the multiple personalities and the wife thinking it was some sexy play. However I think it didn't work in this case. Leaned to hard into making her seem like she was cheating, the guilt and her attitude screamed "another guy" rather then "husband playing make believe". It was technically another guy but she didn't know that. That said it wasn't bad, though not great as it relied too much on the fake cheating angle, but the abrupt ending knocks it down further.

For originality I gave it a 4 out of 5. There was a little too much conversation that gave the absolute impression that Roy and Peter were two people. The impression that Roy was so much bigger than Peter and that was why she was sore from their first get together. I guess what I'm saying is there was too much first-person commentary. I can't tell you how to get around that, but I know others have done it.

Original

I was thinking of how the author was getting everyone so confused and I think I stumbled on the reason. The reason was too many voices. The characters all were given their own voice and it was too much. Really the only voices that should have been telling the story, at least for the majority of the story would have been Peter and Roy's. Their mind set; their feelings are the ones that count. Margerite was the subject of Peter and Roy's thoughts, and her voice should have been used as little as possible. Margerite would have certainly known that Peter and Roy were the same person, so she has to stay quiet through most of the story. Peter Jones was first, but did Roy take over? Interesting.

Honestly I liked the premise, should have been more fleshed out in parts.

The structure was horrid though, it was like reading a JimBob story just, thankfully shorter.

Make it a bit smoother to read, that would be a big help.

Sorry, too weird for me. 2*s

While I don't believe this story was completely effective in achieving its goal, it did try to do something slightly different, which is always appreciated in the cliché strewn morass of Loving Wives.

Too many flaws in timing and other details. I commend you for trying.

That one was difficult to get through. It seemed twice as long as it really was. I’m still not positive that I understand it.

The idea is original, can't say as I ever saw a split personality story like this. I liked that the author did not give away what was going on, we assume this is a typical LW cheating situation (there is a clue, though...how stupid would a guy have to be if screwing some guy's wife, left his underwear in hubby's drawer or clothing in a suitcase like that?). The ending was okay, honestly would have been a better story if we see what happens. I am no psychiatrist, but can Peter and Roy become one person with a bit of both them in it? Can Peter/Roy function with both people in play? It is an interesting story idea, one that is rather unique, in that in a sense the wife has two lovers/husbands.

The downside of it was the physical writing, it was hard for me to read it. The quick back and forth point of view really didn't work, it was dizzying, and the writing itself needed polishing, it was kind of short and lacked depth. It isn't the multiple point of views, that is fine, it is that it just jerks the reader all around like an out of control roller coaster.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Creative! Different! Good job.

Ed

Was not clever. Was not well written. Was even boring.

Reading it made me feel like i was watching ping pong.... I think it could have been a better story if the reader knew up front about the split personality.

oh i would still divorce the nasty whore,

Multiple first person narrative rarely works, too stilted and confusing, it often reads like a prepared statement. Much better told from the third person POV, or even the main character in the first person and the rest from the third person. At least in my opinion.

The story itself was refreshingly good. I thought it was heading toward the all too familiar cuckold or BTB but the original twist was completely unexpected. It could benefit from an editor or at least a couple of read throughs. It could also be a little longer, fleshing out the details and working more on the emotions. Otherwise it was well done and different from the usual loving wives offerings. A very good idea but if longer and with better narrative would be excellent. Nevertheless, five stars from me.

Very good story.

Maybe not the best written, but having read wayyyyyy too many stories here, big points for originality.

Unexpected twist. Originality counts for something with me, so that was good. So, kudos for the story idea. The writing did not seem to flow, seemed jumpy a bit, which is why I couldn't give it a higher rating.

Story

Well, that was different. It was playing out to be the standard cheating wife story, but the twist is the Roy/Peter angle I didn't see coming. It would have been better if it had been a little longer. A very original story, and I hope that either a part 2 is written, or someone else takes over and gives it a proper ending...in other words Finish the Damn Story!!

That was fun!

Great story idea. High marks for that.

I'm not a fan of using multiple people telling the story, especially changing back and forth so rapidly. Also, each character seemed to have a different time line. They all spoke about the past, but a varying amount of time past. Confusing. I would have preferred that the story be told only by the husband. Then, possibly, adding the wife’s input AFTER the truth is revealed.

This is a brilliant story idea

Amazing telling

We need more!

Great idea. I think it would be better, if the Peter and Roy characters had more depth. I don’t mean revealing the DID any earlier, but enough detail, maybe over more than a few days, to show the contrast.

That said, having Peter’s boss thinking about absences, put me on alert for a plot twist. You could have omitted the boss’ speculation.

Hiányzik a végkifejlet,nincs vég! Így sokat levon az értékéből,csak 3 csillagot érdemel!

Yo, you REALLY rushed the fuck out of this story. Brilliant concept but extremely lackluster execution. It's like looking at a Lamborghini, if that Lamborghini had no body, no windows, no wheels. You can kinda see that it's an expensive luxurious car, but in reality it's just an empty steel frame with barely any substance. In short; too many pov, constant switching between pov is jarring, pacing is all over the place, no characterisation, listless dialogue. A first draft, not a finished story.

Brilliant idea, needs better development and smoother flow. Thanks for your writing.

I don't think a mental disorder is an appropriate theme for a porn story. Bad idea.

Please leave a warning next time so I wouldn’t have to waste my time with this shit.

Hmm a little warning would have been nice and thanks for saying at the end that it wasn't accurate information cause your right lol I wasn't expecting this type of story it's not my cup of tea

Peter's a Schizophrenic and so is he!!!