All Comments on 'A Treat From My BFF's GF'

Nice first effort. Some of the dialogue was a bit choppy but a nice twist on the plot. Looking forward to seeing more from you.

...conceit, which is the essential, but you need to get someone you trust, a real life friend or possibly a mentor to read and advise (either editing or just proof reading). There were a lot of small grammatical errors. They happen and aren't a problem in a draft, but they would be picked up by another pair of eyes and should be dealt with before publishing. Looking forward to more from you. Good luck.

Nice idea, but amateurish writing brings it down (confusion of present and past tense narration... that can't be a deliberate stylistic thing, can it?)

Fun concept, keep practicing and find an editor. Literotica has a pool of volunteer educators who can help you if you don't have anyone else. Also try reading it to yourself out loud, that can help.