All Comments on 'A Trip to the ER'

You don't get house calls or personal attention from doctors like this anymore!

Boyd

Glad to see you back after a long absence. I hope you will be posting stories on a regular basis now. This one like most of your previous efforts rates a 5.

It was distracting having the italicized "thought" dialogue being both Mike's and the doctor's.

It is so good to have you back. This is not one of my favorites that you have written. I hope that you will submit many more stories in the near future.

I found Mike's smart-ass attitude to be off-putting. There was no call for him to be mouthing off. It made him come across a a bit of a lout.

Leaving aside the ethics involved in a doctor fucking her patient, Martha expressed in her rules that Mike would have to wear a condom until they got to a time where they were exclusive, then she'd be doing the testing, yet when they got down to it, there was zero mention of any condoms in use.

I have to agree with the anonymous comment about the "thought dialogue" being distracting. It was hard to follow at times as to who was doing/thinking what, and unless there was mental telepathy going on, there were a lot of thoughts and feelings that weren't being openly expressed. It was a sloppy and lazy way to combine thoughts, feelings and action into a single mash-up without taking the time to actually write it all out properly. Those parts read more like a brainstorming outline for the story, rather than an actual story.

The story itself was hot enough, but the way it was executed needs lots of work.

FWIW, I had no problem following the thought dialogue.

Nice to see you writing again!

Nice to see you are writing again. Is that a new dog?

Will you be finishing Hypnosis on this trip?

RP

ps I would still like to see you on storiesonline.net

Nothing quite like a detailed chart, a paper hospital gown, a more than thorough examination, and a little verbal foreplay to help determine the need for a house call. Where do I sign up for that HMO?

crap immature fantasy land. only good part was dialogue over his thumb and medical history. thanks for writing though

I really like your writing but often times your characters have the same voice, same cadence to their speech, same rapid fire dialogue. It can seem like there is only one person but two characters. If that makes sense…Otherwise a fun read.