All Comments on 'A Valiant Effort Ch. 01'

Keep going please!

?

travel dialog. "Where is the beef?"

About page 4, I was starting to go to sleep, so went ahead to comment before shutting down. Bleah!

Can you say 'doormat'?

An endless trudge through nothing much, ending nowhere in particular, with a spineless doormat and a manipulative lying little bitch; ho hum, how interesting....

This story was massively pointless; neither hot, erotic, pointed, or even interesting, just endless driving while he navel-gazes about what a good boy he is. Please don't write any more of this story, after six pages I'm ready to jump off an over-pass...

This is going nowhere. Please stop writing!

That sucked! Did you forget you we're writing a sex stores or did your mom walk in on you?????

Except for the fact the brother is a complete wimp. I don't mind her being a lying sneak because that would make for an awesome story about the strong minded bro taking her to task. Instead, we have this. The writing is good, and I'm hoping to like this more when the guy grows some nads.

I liked it!

liked it, continue the story

Really-- 64 Valiant----- Monster--Tank????

Having read the first few comments, I think maybe you've attracted some of the Loving Wives crowd. The story was fine. I liked it. Keep going.

!!!!!! !!!

personally i liked the slow pace of your story, i do hope the second chapter has more sex though.

What is this guy you're portraying, a complete imbecile, I kept wondering where the story was going, he doesn't have the balls to question his loser step- sister, come on it sucks.

Few bits of commentary.

Very nicely crafted story. It is a long tease, so I hope you are able to make it pay off by the end of the journey.

Not sure where you are going with this, but I am going to assume this will end up with your protagonist finally becoming the authoritative, strong man the sister wants him to become. The clues have been laid in the story so far, so if your protagonist fails to change, it will be a really big let down.

Now, personality traits.

You have a self described obsessive, compulsive, neat freak engineer. He refuses to drink and drive, yet will not go on a trip without in pipe and bag of weed?

Also, your bio says you are from Pacific Northwest, so I will assume you know the area, but when the average High temperature in Missoula, MT for June - August, (the assumed time frame of this story) is rarely higher than 83 F, more likely in the mid 60s for average temperature, it is hard to consider these days as scorching hot. You may want to consider writing a realistic number temperature to express the heat.

Good luck. I am looking forward to how this story continues. I'm hoping for this to be at least a 3 part series ending in the two being together.

Firstly ChasB, you have never written a story except maybe in gradeschool

or perhaps you need learn to read.

To the anonymous idots most of you should stick to porn magazines if you are looking to get your rocks off. READ STORIES or go wank off in your sisters panties!

Beardfaceforlife like your style keep on writing. It's pretty good

My only complaint is beer should only come out of a can as a last resort.

story was too long and not written very well. no sex just nothing

Why wasyevyour time writing this, why waste my time thinking it would get better or explain anything.