All Comments on 'A Very Thin Line Ch. 01'

keep up the good work. I look forward to more.

This is a good start to a story. The flow of the story is good a little on the fast side but good. The editing could still use some work there where a few grammar issue. Words that where left out of sentences or used wrong. Not a lot but enough mess the flow for me.

"Well since you said it like that, the business I need to discuss with is about your club and its illegal activities." I retorted at him

"discuss with you" is how u should have wrote it or just take the with out and it would have read and sounded better. Mechmanas Looking forward to reading more.

Interesting idea/storyline, definately want to read more. Hmm...a witch and a dragon meet in a bar...?

"me and the editor did our best to make this chapter perfect." Well you did a good job except for that cliffhanger you left us with. We'll be waiting for chapter 2.

I haven't seen a story like this and you are doing very well so please continue it quickly.

"Her friends said that they all were dancing together enjoying themselves when two good looking up to them if they want some treats."

should be

"Her friends said that they all were dancing together enjoying themselves when two good looking guys walked up to them and asked if they wanted some treats."

Also, dragons are immune to magical sleep effects, and most low level spells for that matter.

OK, so I have helped with 'Negative' feedback, now for some 'Possitive'.

I am Very interested in this piece, the sort of modern high fantasy thing is cool, but the lines you have drawn and look to cross are what really does it.

I am not just annother Anon, my name is Kai Schipper. and this has the potential to be a great story.

to the person below me, this is just the first chapter of the story I was going to write, and although I don't know much about dragons other than the fact that I like them alot, I was going to make Amelia's father human.

But thank you so much for taking the time out to read my story. and thank you for the critical comments, are very welcomed.

I like the start. I know someone ponted out things about dragons. I'm of the theory that fantasy stories are better if it's not the same old same old. It is nice for a story about weres or dragons or whatever characters are in a fantasy to be changed up a bit. When it's always the same story it becomes too boring. So, create a world about dragons that is yours and just remember to put lots of description in and explain things. As for your story specifically, there were still several mistakes that were distracting so maybe having someone else read through it also would be good. I know several writers who have a first and second editor. Sometimes when we write we don't write conversation they way it would be said in natural conversation. We almost make it a bit too formal or in some way make it sound awkward so just watch and read what you write and ask yourself if it would be said that way in normal conversation. I look forward to seeing where this goes. I particularly liked her cracks about a panty wall of fame and such. I hope you start telling us more about the characters.

i liked it very much & thought it was a great start. i agree with the previous poster - make your world your own, don't stick with something because "that's the way it's supposed to be" or because that's what is in pop-lit. i would like to really develope & flesh out your characters. and yes there were some editorial snafus that were distracting. just keep working at it! :)