A Voice Lost and Found

I started to cry and replied, "I get it now. That's why you've been acting this way all week. You love me. You knew our material was good and that in your mind, after we sold some songs, I'd be leaving you. That's why you tried so hard to resist my advances. You didn't want to get your heart broken." He took it like a sucker punch, looking away, scrunching up his face in pain. Giant tears running down my face, I grabbed his face in both hands and made him look at me, then I used my arms and hands to repeat with as much emphasis as I could, "You. Love. Me."

He nodded and looked sadly at the floor though I could barely see him through the tears, I brought his face back to look at me. I signed, "I love you too. I'll stay with you as long as you want me to. Do you want me to stay?"

He nodded again but grabbed me around the waist, pulling me tight. We kissed hard and furiously, but I broke the kiss, there was still more to be said. Well, signed actually.

"I will be more than happy to stay," I told him, "but if you sell her our music, you will break my heart."

"I don't understand. Why is this so important to you."

"Because I wrote the words to your songs about us. It's the story of me falling in love with the angel who saved both my body and my soul."

He smiled at that. He said, "OK. I won't let her have them."

I had run out of tears. I signed, "I really do love you. I know that I was such a bitch to you, but I was blind then. I couldn't see anything but my own selfish needs. You taught me what it is to think of someone else's ahead of my own."

He embraced me in a crushing bear hug until he felt me wince, some wounds still a little tender even a few months after the accident. He let go and pushed me to arm's length, worry written all over his face. I smiled at him and told him to get rid of his guests and to meet me in bed. He asked for an hour to sell them on something else, some old songs that he wrote a year ago and were laying around. I told him that was a good idea but not to take a minute longer, and then I went up to his bedroom, waving goodbye to Sarah and Paul on my way as I passed through the living room.

Almost one hour on the dot, I heard his company leave. When he got in the bedroom, his clothes nearly evaporated while I was already naked and waiting. We made out like teenagers and then made love for the rest of the afternoon and held each other into the evening, taking breaks in between to profess our love for one another.

He fell asleep before me, and I just looked at his face in the light coming through the window from the full moon. Studying it closely, a wave of emotion flooded me, making my body tingle. How had I not noticed it before, but it was a smart face. A kind face. A handsome face. At least to me, but surely a face I could look at the rest of my life.

I thought, "I'm happy. Really happy. He made me this way. And I'm home."

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Epilogue:

Two of the four songs that Billy sold Sarah Strange charted, one going straight to the top and earning a Grammy and Golden Globe nominations for best song. Until then though nobody knew who he was, he always published under a silly pen name even though the music industry's greats all knew who he was. We watched the award shows on TV from home and Billy laughed at his own lyrics when Sarah Strange performed onstage a medley of the hits he had written for her. He thought it was so funny that someone could do so well with songs full of repeating what he called numbskull verses of, "yeah, yeah, yeah," and, "Oh, baby, un huh, yeah, I want it."

None of those songs won an award though, because it was the songs that we wrote together which swept the awards for best song, best album, and best new artist. Thankfully my relationship with his sister improved tremendously when she saw us together in love and acknowledged my transformation. I leveraged that, with Jessica's help as well, to convince Billy to sing the songs for the recordings. It was either his sister and niece that changed his mind, or the slow, sensuous reverse cowgirl that I woke him up with the morning of his surrender.

I coached his vocals for weeks, we made a few more tweaks to the lyrics and melodies along the way, but we nailed it. We recorded the album with a dedicated band that Billy put together, including Kay on drums, but we made every position in the band own each of their parts of the music, rehearsing until the sound was so cohesive and interwoven together we knew we had something special.

I was there for every minute the band played in the studio, co-producing the album with a man that Billy knew and really trusted with our music. Billy had explained to me that he had tangled with every asshole in the business, and some gave him such fits over his music that it was a very short list of folks that he respected. Billy got in contact with all those on his list and they were instantly motivated to help where we needed it.

Finding a label was easy. They came out of the woodwork when word got around that Billy was shopping his own music. At the Golden Globes and then again at the Grammy Awards, our band accepted the awards while Kay read the list of requisite "thanks" to the label's prime movers. Kay did give some moving words about my contribution; we had become very close friends over the time we spent working on the album.

Billy was pressured by everyone around him except for me to go on tour, so we did. Touring is where the lion's share of the money is made and he wanted the band, me, and everyone involved to get a share. I knew he didn't like touring, he only toured with my opening act because of me, so I didn't push him and left the decision up to him. We did end up making a ton of money though and I saw parts of the world I had only read about. It was exciting, but I longed to return to Los Angeles and get back to living as a private couple again.

When we did Today, Late Show, Kimmel, and Graham Norton, he insisted I sit next to him during the filming. I sat as close to him as the furniture would allow during the interviews and held his hand, swooning over him on camera to cement to the world that he was mine.

Towards the end of our tour, we had scheduled a break and were married two years almost to the day after my accident. Not a large ceremony, but a large number of A-listers of music showed to congratulate us. It was hard not to be star struck with the big names that I met and even danced with that evening. Of course, we could see through all of them, the artists were eager to dance alone with me or Billy, but it was so they could beg us to write music for them while we danced. It was funny because Billy predicted they would try that; he'd wag his eyebrows at me from across the dance floor every time it happened and we still chuckle over that to this day.

We removed the goalie and tried to get pregnant. We tried for a year before getting medical advice where I learned that one of the lingering side effects from my accident injuries made it impossible to conceive. I thought Billy would have a major problem with that, but he never loved me any less. We still screwed like rabbits, and he was just as loving to me as ever, even after he learned of my situation. Our intimate times together were some of the best moments of my life.

After our first tour, we had to move to a gated community for security. He had quietly been working in the music industry anonymously, by using a pen name and keeping his identity under wraps, but now a household name, he had a distinctly recognizable face. He was quite sad that he had to leave the house he had brought me to after my accident, but he was so concerned about my safety that he never questioned the decision. It was fine, I was just as concerned or more about his safety, after all he was the celebrity musician.

Then, just to prove that doctors don't know everything, at the ripe age of 39, I found myself pregnant. It was a little risky because of my age, but we had a beautiful baby boy and named him Jackson. The birth was hard on my body, and it came recommended that I didn't have anymore, so Billy had himself snipped. It came as no surprise to me that Billy was a natural and doting father. I didn't think I could love the man any more than I did the day Jackson was born until I watched Billy grow in the role of a father over the years.

Before Jackson was born, we had produced two more albums, each was met with equally special results to the first. Billy put his foot down after our second tour between albums though, we were done going on the road. I just kissed him, hugged him tight and supported his decision. As long as he was happy then I was happy.

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"Mom? Mom? Are you OK?" I recognized that as the voice of my teenager.

I opened my eyes; Jackson was standing by my lounge chair in the hospital with concern on his face. Billy stood behind him, smiling a fake smile, trying to hide his concern. Billy asked, "How do you feel, hon?" I nodded my head that I was OK and held his hand for reassurance.

Now in my mid-50s, a new technique had been developed to restore the nerves that controlled my vocal cords, so we gave it a shot. I would never sing again, but it was possible that I would be able to speak the words that for years I had been longing to say out loud.

After the doctor who was going to supervise checked for any additional swelling, I got my wits about me, and he gave me the nod to go ahead and try to speak. I looked at my husband and teenager, when a raspy sound came from my throat as I spoke the words and heard them come from my heart, "I love you, boys."