All Comments on 'A Vow Unsaid'

Very well written, an excellent first effort. I enjoyed it.

You're off to good start. I would like to see the story continue.

You've weaved a great story so far and I look forward to the continuation. My only constructive criticism is that the description of the characters could be a bit more descriptive (for example, I don't know what Kaitlyn looks like). Heh...While you did a great job with the love scene, the perv in me would like to have seen a bit more detail there. All that aside, I love the story and that's the most importan thing at the end of the day.

Airplanes, rockets, slaves and slaves quarters? What kind of an alternate universe is this?

Model airplanes were first seen in 1843 and rockets? Well, they've been around for centuries before that. Either way, all well in advance of the American Civil war. So, you might want to get your facts before you start trying to degrade people.

It suprised me. Was better than I thought. Keep it comin sweetie. Oh and don't mimd the nay sayers , they are just vex cause this story rocks

the story is good, very interesting, i want to see where it goes

although i have to agree with the other comments, civil war and steam rockets are two complete different time frames, do a little research, it might help you a bit

I think you did a great job and I hope you keep going with this story.

I enjoyed this very much. Granted a few details were off, but honestly that didn't bother me in the slightest. I actually hope you continue the story. Very nicely done. Thanks for sharing!

You should continue this story! I want to find out what happens in the long run. Do they make it to Boston? What about Patrick? What is their life like?

please continue id love to see the story evolve further

These descriptions and emotional envolvements make me want more. Please continue.

Title says it all.

I do not care about the small details such as stream rockets and everything, because that is not what matters. What matters is that you have written a beautiful and enjoyable story, and I would love to see it continued.

Please please pleas continue this story i think you are a very good writer and this is an awesome story not many like this around would love to see more of these two!!

Excellent ! !!

I found this story an interesting interpretation of the parasitic class of slave owners shortly before the War of Northern Aggression. When that decaying society of gentile agrarian civilization was about to be crushed under the remorseless onslaught of industrial barbarism.

Yes, the bit about the toy airplane was an anachronism but people had been experimenting with steam as a propellent. The literature, through books and newspapers which served as their version of the internet, had plenty of fantastical depictions of flying machines. I vaguely remember that the Mythbusters did at least a couple of shows about steam weapons proposed during the uncivil war.

Throughout many societies, women often developed means to secretly communicate outside of patriarchal censored news and literature. See Nü Shu or the historical meaning of fans/flowers/quilting and embroidery/decorative knots and fringes or midwife societies.

I do not know what went wrong or if I pushed the wrong button but the preceding commentary should have displayed my pseudonym "fanfare".

I absolutely loved it. A story of true love. More!

This was a beautiful piece and was truly captivating. You have a wonderful gift for bringing characters to life in such a short paragraph. I hope you write more like it. Truly awe inspiring

Wonderfully written and I'm looking forward to its continuation. However, much as I want their happiness, I'm afraid that unfortunate things may happen.

There are a few anachronistic elements that snuck onto the text. towards the end you mention gasoline which pulled me right out of period. Otherwise very well written!

I enjoy stories that have a slow-burn. It is great to have some background as you have here. I love the restrained dialogue, but the use of a swear-word does not sit easily (my mother would never do so as it is most unladylike). Keep up the good work - I am really enjoying you prose.

This is an interesting story showing a lot of promise and I'm looking forward to reading Chapters 2 & 3. But... beware of anachronisms. The story is set in the late 1850s/early 1860s and yet in the third paragraph Kaitlyn talks of mending Patrick's model airplane. I don't think model planes would have been around for at least another fifty years and it's this kind of mistake that can ruin a story, making it look as if the writer is either careless or uncaring about accuracy.

I was a bit unconvinced by the increase in tempo at the end, as I don't think two women who have not heard of lesbians nor seen a film not read a book regarding lesbian sex would actually finger each other on a first attempt (kissing and stroking and fondling would be a better guess i think).

Other than that - I really liked the two protagonists. The setting isn't bad either.

Airplanes hadn't been invented in the 1860s.