All Comments on 'A White Tiger and The Wolf Ch. 08'

are they like the ones whitesabretooth wrote about? will they fry our brains with an explanation? this sounds fun!!!!

was a very well written and most enjoyable

is it just me or was that hole Ancients paragraph lifted for one of Whitesabretooth's stories.

I have been reading stories on here for about 2yrs now.

I have apologised to whitesabertooth for using some of her words when describing ancients. I had not realised until I checked it out myself today. I apologise to anyone who is upset with me.

... but I found this chapter a bit contrived and forced.

Bear relax a bit befor you submit the next chaper and make sure that you don't push it out befor it's ready in your head.

As for the Anchent slip up, you do realize alot of shit is coppied on acadent from other people all the time and the best that you can do is apolagize and move on? If Whitesabertooth get's mad come up with a new defanishion and update this chapter, otherwise don't worry it's kind of like what happened with Weres and Vamps and the like...

The story is picking up nicely now but you and your editor need to take more care with the grammer and struture of the story. One thing which is very distracting is your habit of using the phrase 'he/she thought' but not making those thoughts different from the other letters and words surrounding them. If you use a thought why not use italics and encompas them in speach marks, after all these are spoken thoughts from your characters. hope this helps. :)

Please post more REALLY SOON!!! ^_^

i feel then when writers stick to a certain description lie we all agree vamps are a certain way or were's this way or the explanation for ancients. if they are crossed referenced in other stories makes it seem more believable.... great work but you promised us a new chapter over a wee ago.. i want to see more soon.

Chapter 9 is still with my editor and hopefully will be on line soon. We want to make sure we have the story flowing right.

I'm in the process of writing chapter 10 and with a bit of luck should have it finished for friday. So hopefully that will be on line before the end of the year.

I'm sorry for keeping everyone waiting and thanks for all your comments and good wishes. It is most appreciated. Thanks From Bearmad1963.

i cant wait to see wat happens love it

you tend to over explain somethings(his big cock for example, the big isnt really needed), apart from that it is pretty good

Sorry for the delay in psting chapter's nine and ten. Had an email from my editor sexydream and she told me she would be sending me back chapter in the next few days. She had abreak over the festive holidays.

Chapter 10 is still been written If ai do say so myself it is proving to be a very exciting chapter to write. I hope when it goea on line sometime this month that you will feel the same.

Please let me know what you all think about it when it does come on line.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011 I hope this year is the best one for all of you.

I am very happy that you have kept up with the writing. I am very happy that you found an editor. I will be looking forward to the rest of this story as well as anything else you come up with.

LOTS OF LUCK

I wanted to reread some since the new chapter is out and it had been a while. I wanted to ask two questions. Why are they having a big party with all the Ancients and stuff if they want to keep her hidden. Isn't that like putting a huge sign up that says 'Kay is here'? Also, if she is immortal, will she lose Brad eventually? I assume his life is long but not compared to being immortal. Enjoying it the same as the first time :)

I truly like the concept but the writing itself is doing nothing for me and is quite painful at times. As a whole, the writing is overly explanatory and simplistic in terms of redundant repetition. You also forgot two basic tenets of writing: 1)show not tell, and 2) dialogue is meant to add non-primary character insight.

Effective dialogue does this because while the narrator can say so-and-so secondary character did this but the secondary character can in dialogue say his/her thoughts or reasons behind actions. In this way dialogue adds to the plot and is not merely simplistic, overly explanatory, redundant repetition.

And showing not telling allows the reader to draw the conclusions you give the frame work for, it's like contrived guesswork and adds both a little depth and fun while reading. Telling gets boring and is not only basic (think: how little kids write) but seriously lacks depth. I mean, sometimes it suits but showing emotion/thoughts/facial expressions/and other things demonstrates skill. Like leaving breadcrumbs on a path and letting us pick up the pieces instead of giving us nothing to follow, nothing to be involved with.

For example, saying: Susan saw the mess in her car and, angry, started yelling, "Why the HELL is my car a mess??" Analysis: simple verb, dialogue merely restated narration, and you (in the general sense) left the reader nothing to infer.

Better is: [S1] Susan stared unblinkingly at the hands of the clock, hyperaware of each minute tick. [S2] "Where the hell could she be?," Susan finds herself muttering into thin air. [S3] Eventually Susan falls asleep and is abruptly woken by the crunch of gravel coming from the front of the house. [S4] Slowly stumbling for her slippers, she turns off lights and heads away from the couch she's been sitting on. [S5] As she reaches the door and looks into the peephole, the sight that meets her eyes from the lit interior of the car immediately halts her progress with the lock. [S6] As the car's disheveled occupant exits the vehicle and walks brokenly toward the front door, she is greeted by Susan's tightly drawn eyes and lips compressed into a thin line. [S7] Upon encountering her aunt's stony expression, Jenny, the girl, begins to mumble concilatory explanations before trailing off uncertainly. [S8] Long minutes pass before Auntie Susan asks in a low, modulated tone, "Where the f*** were you and who was it that threw up in the passenger seat AND the backseat? Or was it just you before you tried and failed to clean your shirt?," the woman finished scathingly. [S9] "And by the way, after you sleep it off you will be scrubbing that car's upholstery until it looks like new and smells like cleaning product." [S10] She continued on before Jenny is able to scurry away. [S11] "Oh, and niece of mine? You might want to tell your friends you are both booked solid with housework for the next four months but that you also will not be driving."

See? You got curious didn't you? That is the antithesis of telling everything and placing redundant information in quotation marks. NOTE TO LIT AUTHORS/OTHERS WHO LIKE GOOD GRAMMAR THAT READ THIS ANALYIS: if you desire an editor and/or someone to commiserate with (or lead me to the skilled writers), email me at TAUREANBEAUTY293@hotmail.com and specify which story you found this anon's comment on :)

Paragraph 2

Analysis: S1.reader infers she's impatiently waiting for something

S2. we know something about the person she's waiting on. The word muttering continues the theme of impatience, also. You could also use the question as a thought without quotation marks in regular typeface or italics like WHERE COULD SHE BE?, Susan wondered.

S3: reader knows it's been a long time, and can guess that it might be dark outside

S4: you know Susan is drowsy, and is either going to bed or will meet the person coming in. Almost positive it's dark outside.

S5: reader can infer shock, doesn't know good or bad

S6-S8: reader knows girl is coming home from driving after drinking enough to throw up

S9-S11: inferred drunkenness, cleaning told versus shown for effect and understanding, aunt seems more like parent, possibly legal guardian.

at anonymous this is not for school work so get over your self and two it is good if you don't like it don't read it

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