A Xmas Song

"Yes, Dexter, yes, keep going," he yelled after the bike.

"I did it," the child squealed before unceremoniously falling over.

In a split second the man was by his side.

"Daddy, I did it," the boy said triumphantly, as his father gathered him in his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Mum's going to be so impressed." The father put the child down and stood the bike up. "Let's see if you can do it again, and I'll film it so you can send it to Nana."

I smiled watching them.

A rustle of material made me look at the giant. His hair had grown grey under the holly crown and his stomach appeared to be larger. He took a step towards the man and child then we were in the air again. The giant rummaged in his robe and pulled out a handful of what looked like glitter. He sprinkled it on the father and son as we passed over.

With exceptional speed, we flew out of the city towards the sprawling suburbs and landed on a driveway. A woman in a gaudy penguin sweater was packing a car with brightly coloured bags filled with festively wrapped presents. A man came out of the house carrying a baby in one of those car-cot-things. He kissed the woman on the cheek then put the baby in its little safe holder on the back seat of the car.

I glanced at the ghost expecting an explanation. I got none. He had grown older, a grey beard was emerging over his chin, and he was fatter. He threw more glitter towards the family and their car.

In the air again, we raced over a vast ocean. Even at the speed we were travelling I could see dolphins jumping and dancing below us. The giant chuckled watching them too.

Our next landing was in a military base. A man in fatigues was grinning at a computer. I moved behind him and saw a young girl waving out of the screen. The soldier waved back.

"Have you been a good girl?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy, yes. Look what Santa got me." The girl brightly held up a new iPhone. She frowned. "But he didn't bring me you."

"I know, baby." The man touched the screen. "But I'll be home soon and we will have a second Christmas when I do."

The girl's face lit up. "With more presents?"

The soldier laughed and nodded. "With more presents."

The girl, in some country thousands of miles away, leaned forward and kissed the camera, turning the screen black.

A strange warmth filled my gut as I observed the touching scene before me.

The jolly ghost threw a double handful of glitter at the man.

Across more oceans, mountains and deserts we flew. The ghost slipped through a small window taking me with him. Considering he had grown rounder, and older he was surprisingly nimble for a giant. His beard was thick and white, and as imposing as his frame was, he blended seamlessly into the corner of the cramped room we stood in.

On the bed was a naked man who, in post coltial exhaustion, had collapsed over a slim woman. I'm fairly open minded and nonjudgmental but voyeurism isn't one of my personal kinks. I looked up at the ghost chuckling beside me. He put a finger to his lips silencing me before I could share my disgust at snooping on the amorous couple.

The man disengaged his spent cock and rolled on to his back, to reveal the very relaxed face of the young woman he had just well-fucked. It was an expression I knew well.

He reached under the bed and pulled out a small, carefully wrapped box. Scanning the tiny room, with the barely functional small kitchenette in the corner, I strongly suspected under the bed was the only storage he had.

"Tom, no, we said no presents this year while we're saving for a deposit." The woman still took the gift he offered.

"This is important." He kissed her on the lips. "Merry Christmas."

She hurriedly tore the paper then lifted the lid on the box. Her hand flew to her mouth as her eyes flashed from him to the box and back.

The man - still stark bollock naked - jumped out of the bed and knelt on the floor beside her. He took her hand and drew it to touch it with his lips.

"Miss Hassler, would you do me the great honour of becoming Mrs. Cowan?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with hope and love.

The woman sobbed and nodded.

He gently took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto her finger. "This is just for now. If I get that job I'll get you a better one."

"It's perfect. I love it." She turned the cheap ring, then kissed him passionately. "I don't want a different one, I just want you."

He laughed and pushed her back onto the bed.

A double handful of glitter drifted over the couple as we flew out of the small window.

The ghost continued to transport me from one happy Christmas scene to another. We visited many countries and people. At each place, I witnessed love and joy. We were unseen and uninvited intruders on strangers deeply touching and private Christmas moments.

The shadows had grown long as the sun lowered in the sky, giving way to darkness when we arrived back in London.

The ghost now bore a thick white beard and his grey hair was curling over his shoulders. He was almost as round as he was tall and the red robe strained over his expanding gut. He stood, surprisingly neatly considering his size, in the doorway of a detached house.

A couple my age were swaying together to the sounds of Michael Bublé. They slowly turned and I realised the woman was Bella, older, but still unmistakably her. She was sobbing quietly on the man's shoulder as he held her.

"Honey, it's okay. Next time will be our time," he said, stroking her back.

She pulled away from his embrace and looked at the floor.

"What if it's my fault? What if this is karma for killing my baby?" she mumbled.

"No. I will not let you say that." He caught her chin with a finger and gently lifted her face so she was looking at him. "He made you do it. If there is karma, that bastard Ebenezer is the one who will get bitten on the arse."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. His prediction was a little too close to home.

"But we've been trying for months and it still hasn't happened," Bella said sorrowfully.

He smiled at her. "And we will try for as many months as it takes."

She opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her by lightly resting a finger over her lips.

"Danny told me about this place. A clinic in Turkey. If we're not pregnant by the spring, let's investigate it a bit more."

Bella smiled under his finger.

"He said that's how his Mrs got their twins."

"I love you." Bella kissed his finger as the ghost threw what looked like a whole bucket of glitter over them.

"Why do some get more of that stuff than others?" I asked nodding towards the sparkling cloud floating around Bella and her partner.

"The ones who have hope even in the face of adversity?" The jolly rosy faced ghost smiled down at me.

'Yes. The soldier, the poor couple." I looked wistfully towards Bella who was back slowly dancing with the man. "Precious Bella. Tell me, will she get her baby?"

"I've been around over two thousand years. I bring happiness. Now we must go."

This was the only answer I would be getting as we took to the air. Much more used to this mode of travel now, I could tell we were heading north from the motorways webbed below us.

I recognised the house before we landed. It was Tina's parents home again. I followed the ghost into the lounge.

Tina, looking tired, sat on the sofa next to her mother.

"I don't understand why Ebb didn't come."

"Mum, we were never together; it was for show," Tina said, exasperated.

"But seven years he's been with you." Her mum scowled. "Why have you split up?"

"We haven't, we are just friends. He came here to stop you asking what was wrong with me for not being married."

"You dated other men but you brought him, not them?" Her mum shook her head confused. "Why not bring your actual boyfriend?"

Tina put her face in her hands. "None of them were good enough to introduce you to."

"Well, Ebb can't be very good either then."

My jaw tightened.

Tina's eyes blazed with anger. "He is a good man."

I smiled at her feistiness.

"I always thought he was a wrong 'un, him and Marley got on far too well," her mum continued, ignoring Tina's frustration.

"Ebb's an acquired taste, but he is my friend. A good one, a hide-the-body one."

"Huh?" Her mum furrowed her brow.

My smile turned into a wicked grin. Yes, I was her hide-the-body friend.

"The sort of friend if I rang up and said I've killed someone, would tell me he was on his way with a shovel to help me hide it." Tina smiled, and her eyes glinted. "And he wouldn't ask any questions."

Her mum cocked her head to the side. "If you're so determined to create a happy facade to fool me and your father, then why is he not here if he is such a good friend?"

I swallowed hard. Guilt was not an emotion I experienced often, but her mum was right.

Tina lost her smile. "He got a better offer."

Before her mum could reply, Tina's niece, Rosie, came in and caught her hand and pulled her off the sofa.

Tina went willingly. At the dining room table, a game of Pie Face had been set up. Thankfully, the interrogation about my absence faded. The extended family laughed and screamed until each person had had a face full of spray cream unceremoniously splattered over them.

I found myself laughing when a large glob of cream landed on Tina's nose and she tried, in vain, to lick it off.

There was a pause in the festivities when the family watched the Queen's speech then more games and raucous fun followed.

I was genuinely enjoying myself, I even shouted out unheard answers during a game of charades. So immersed I forgot about my giant companion, it felt like I was part of the happiness filling the home. Remembering I wasn't alone I looked over to see the ghost was much older and he looked tired. His massive stomach moved and twitched under the straining robes.

"What's with that?" I asked, nodding towards the shape, shifting out of sight.

The ghost unwrapped the red cloth and withdrew two children, which he dropped at his feet.

I recognised them and gasped. They were the small boy and girl I had seen in my apartment earlier, but they had changed. No longer vibrant, happy kids, they were now starved and dressed in dull rags. The children curled in a fetal position at the giant's feet. I stepped back in horror.

"What have you done to them?" I demanded.

"You did it. They are yours," he said solemnly.

"No. Make them whole again, sprinkle that glitter crap on them."

"The boy is Ignorance and the girl is Want." He looked down at the pitiful mites shivering on the ground.

"They need help, we need to take them to a hospital or social services." I crouched to look at the children closer.

"Beware the boy, for on his forehead I see written a Doom. If it is not erased it is yours to bear for eternity."

"I don't understand." I looked up pleadingly with the whimpers of the children beside me.

A clock began to chime. With each chime, the ghost grew older and wearier.

"Tell me what I must do." I tried to gather up the girl, but my hands passed through her translucent flesh. Panic engulfed me.

The clock struck twelve.

The last chime of Big Ben vibrated and I found myself back in my room. Kerry was softly snoring, curled under the blanket beside me. I rubbed a hand across my face and nearly took my eye out with the holly wreath I clutched.

Damn.

I looked at the holly. I smelt it. I even tested it was real by carefully biting it. The pre-decorated, minimalist, silver tree I had grudgingly put in the lounge didn't contain any holly so maybe the dream had happened.

I thought it was a vivid nightmare or at very least a hallucination. I'll admit when I was watching Tina and her family it had seemed real; I had been part of their festive spirit. But now I was sitting in my bed - at home - it had just gone midnight and Christmas Day had begun... again.

I shivered, remembering Marley's words - plus endless remakes of Dickens's story. I still had another phantom to come. I had best be ready.

The bedside clock turned through the minutes at what I considered a normal pace, but I didn't let my guard down. I stayed alert, searching for the next monster. With Kerry asleep and no sexual shenanigans, I hoped the ghost couldn't find me. Not that I relaxed or let my eyes droop for one minute.

Time crawled onwards. Big Ben chimed at one o'clock. My head ached and my shoulders burned with tension. Two o'clock rang out. Kerry was in such a deep sleep she remained blissfully unaware of my nighttime vigil. Her only contribution was occasional mumbles and snores from under the blanket.

The first chime of three made me catch my breath. I couldn't hold it long enough; I gasped once and held it again for the second ring. I repeated my actions when the third echoed outside.

Silence.

I slowly let my breath out.

Nothing.

No Marley in bondage, no grotesque dwarf by my bed, no unearthly glow under my door. Not quite ready to drop my guard, I let the digital clock count through another five minutes. Still, no phantom came.

My shoulders relaxed and I rolled them to release the knots in the tired muscles. My eyelids were so heavy. I needed to sleep. Setting the holly on the bedside stand I shuffled down the bed and spooned behind Kerry. She murmured and scooted back. She felt lovely, so warm. It was a nightmare - just a silly bad dream.

The girl in my arms yawned and turned to face me.

What the fuck?

I was out of the bed at the speed of light with my back hard up against the wall. I shook violently.

Kerry - or at least some repulsive caricature of her - sat up, letting the blanket pool at her waist. Her face was expressionless, the skin drawn back and stretched. Her cheeks were unnaturally full, like a greedy hamster wearing blusher. But the most striking thing about her face was the lips. They had become massively plump in a giant, cartoonish trout pout. I don't think the poor girl could have spoken even if she tried. Far bigger than the lips were her breasts. They sat high on her chest and extended in front of her at least a foot. Below the deformed boobs her waist was so tiny I could've wrapped my hands around it and had excess room.

Her expressionless eyes fixed on me as she swung her legs out of bed and stood up. Her pubic hair was dyed silver and gold with jewels reflecting in the low light of the bedside lamp. I think the hair was trimmed in a heart shape, but I honestly couldn't be sure as the shadow of her inflated breasts made clarification difficult and I wasn't going to get closer to... that thing.

She pointed at me with a dangerously long but perfectly manicured nail. Turning her hand she beckoned.

Fuck.

My legs trembled. Kerry - or what was once her - moved closer. The very air around her crackled with artificial, shallow fakeness. I dropped to my knees and bowed my head. You'd think I'd be used to being around ghosts by now, but trust me I wasn't. For all that had gone before her, this one I feared the most.

"Are you the Ghost of Christmases Not Yet Happened?" I asked through loudly chattering teeth.

She nodded her head slowly, not a flicker of an expression on her plastic face.

My skin crawled. I massaged my jaw with a shaking hand. Was this what Marley had meant when he said he had been by my side many days since he died? Had I been screwing a ghost? Had I been fucking Marley?

"Were you ever real?" I waited for a reaction, any reaction. "Can't you speak?"

She shook her head slowly. The fillers and Botox made it impossible for her face to move.

"You're going to show me shadows of the future." I rubbed my eyes, dreading her reply.

She pointed her manicured finger at the ground.

With a loud gulp I decided the sooner I got this over with, the better.

"Look I've met all of Marley's clan, but you really give me the creeps. I've learned my lesson. I know you're here to help me and I will go with you, but do you think we can do this quickly?"

Plastic Kerry tilted her flawless face and pursed her fat lips.

"Do you want some clothes before we go?" I asked, though I doubted any clothes would go over those ginormous breasts.

She curled her finger and the blanket levitated towards her. It wrapped itself over her head and around her body like a shroud.

Guessing we were set to go, I followed as she, rather boring and earthly like, walked through the doorway. Stepping out of my apartment building it was Christmas morning again. Families and couples bustled along the street, heading to meals of excess.

We stopped beside an elegant and attractive woman in her forties or maybe early fifties. She was talking to a more comely, plumper lady.

"They said he won't ever come home," the attractive lady said, setting a hold-all down at their feet.

"So you've just taken his stuff?"

"Only the valuable things." The first lady lifted a Rolex watch out of the bag.

"Isn't that like stealing from the dead?" the other woman asked, crouching to remove a smartphone from the bag.

"He isn't going to need it where he's going. Anyway, if I don't take it I'm sure one of his other women would." She took the phone and tapped in a passcode and turned it to show her companion. "Over 800 contacts and only a few are work related, the rest are women. This is his black book."

"And now it's yours."

Both women laughed.

I frowned, really hoping they were not talking about me. They couldn't be, they were far too old for either to be one of my conquests.

"Um... Kerry." I wasn't quite sure what to call the mute ghost. "Okay, I understand. If I don't change I could have ex-partners rooting through my personal effects, like the poor sod those witches are cackling about."

The blanket covered ghost just pointed at the women.

"Show me someone who gives a damn about the schmuck these ladies are talking about, please," I said plaintively. Somebody must care about him.

With a swirl of the blanket shroud, I was back in my apartment. Tina sat hunched over, on my sofa. I - as a slightly older man - paced the room in front of her. Phew, I was still alive. I looked at my older self, pleased the speckling of silver hair made me look distinguished but not aged.

"I'll kill him," Tina growled, not looking up.

"Then why didn't you walk away sooner?" I watched myself stop and turn to face her. "Where is your anger and strength when you need it? You always do this." I crouched in front of her. "Every single time you let these bastards treat you like trash. Later - much much later - you come to me and show me your resilience, but you never show them."

Tina looked up, revealing a swollen and blackened eye. "I don't know."

"Tina, Tina, what am I going to do with you? How can I help?" my older self said in a singsong voice, as if I was talking to a child.

"Please phone my mum and tell her I'm sick so won't be able to drive up later. Please."

My heart went out to her. My older self sat down and put his arm around her shoulders.

She rested her head on my chest and I caught a muffled, "Thank you."

"So it was me those women stole from?" I asked the ghost. This timeline appeared to not be following a chronological order.

She swirled her blanket cape and I was back at Tina's parents' house.

"It's your fault," her father shouted at her mother.

"John, how can you say that?" Tina's mum had red puffy eyes.

"You never let her be, always pushing and demanding she find a husband." John glared at his wife.

"I wanted her to be happy." Her mum put her head in her hands. "I loved her, I wanted her to be happy."

"You drove her straight into his arms... and fists. It is your fault," John spat back.

"What...what's happened to Tina?" I nervously looked at the ghost.