All Comments on 'Aaron'

It's not that people have difficulty following shifts in narration, it's that there shouldn't be shifts in narration. It you write first person, there is one narrator. For the entire story. If you need extra narrators, you chose the wrong narration style. You should have chosen third person. It's just bad, lazy writing.

Great story!

5

Lovely story and as an Irishman its a wonderful and pretty much realistic depiction of the south west of ireland.

Maybe the mayor of a small town might not have such power officially but relationships and personal connections open more doors here than power.

Guinness has to be drank in Ireland to show off its true nature...it doesn't travel well and sharing troubles over beer even with strangers can often have surprisingly good results.

Loved the difference in the ways maddy and the doc saw the same small Town and its People .

TC Ireland.

I honestly don't get it. What is the near obsession LW writers have of not paring the poor cheated-on sod with the younger, hotter, non-baggage-carrying woman? They near always pair him up with the window, the divorcee, or the single mother in the end. Why? It's fucking frustrating.

Liked this

Great story well written (jaybee186)

Fantastic! I would like to commend lover1953 for this excellent offering. Well written and a compelling read, the shifts in POV worked very well for me and the delusional Maddy is an absolute LW icon. What a pity I'm limited to 5 stars! Keep up the great work.

Couple of things.

First, it's a good story and we'll written.

Second, in that part of Ireland it's very unlikely that a little girl would be called Matilda, and not very likely that her mother would be called Laura either. Gaelic names are common.

I doubt very much that an Irish woman would use the word "tramp" about another woman, much more likely to be "tart" or "hoor" (whore). And they would DEFINITELY say "arse" rather than "ass".

Some other research issues, a surgeon wouldn't get a job as a general practitioner in Ireland without having passed the relevant exams in either the USA or Ireland. Tiny towns don't have Mayors, and even larger cities don't have mayors who can influence work permits. And Garda Siochana aren't referred to as Constables but as Garda, and addressed in that way. Sergeant is right though.

Nice story, well written. Good presentation of a love killer also. Some women don't get it, paternity fraud sucks and is a breach of faith and trust that can't be erased.

A very good story. A feel good story, ad that's nice. Also well done with the changes in perspective. D

Wonderful, well written story, thank you. *****

The MC's and other male characters on Literotica seem to only carry XX-chromosomes. The human race is DOOMED, I tell ya! Loved the allusion to the other betrayed doctor from your body of work - the one who ended up meeting the German motorcycle goddess! 5/5!!!

very pretty. 5⭐

a divorce and everyone resumes their new life.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Wow! Kicked that writer’s block in the ass. Good for you…and your readers.

Saw this story as a movie before. Take out Ireland and the cheating wife having another man's baby and you have the movie Doc Hollywood.

Mostly entertaining read though.

Great love story!

Great story with a really nice ending. BTB is just right in this and also the romance that occurred made for an enlightening read.

Probably my favourite of his stories so far. The author has a lot of the medical information correct as well

Nice story. Well written.

Very nice follow up to David’s adventure. Reminds me a lot of Patrick Taylor’s Irish Country Doctor series. Clearly different plot lines, but very similar setting. Tana French’s The Searcher also.

.

I for one enjoy the multiple POVs. Faulkner used multi POVs in ‘As I Lay Dying’ with supreme impact.

.

You had me going there for a bit, trying to decide between Amelia and Laura - until Matilda entered stage right, and tipped the scales.

.

All in all, a quite enjoyable read. Thanks very much.

I know it would be harder to write, but I think the story would be much improved with fewer POV changes. You could replace all of the lawyer POV sections with dialog of him updating his client, like you did in one instance. A lot of the other POV changes was so that you could tell instead of show, which was unsatisfactory and unnecessary. Also, you had several places where you had the dialog for showing, but choose to tell instead. A good editor and some polishing would really help the story.

Another nit to pick is the sudden change in Amelia. You built it up as a competition between her and Laura and then suddenly it's "Never mind. I'm off to law school and don't want him." It was an easy out of the conflict via character change instead of an actual plot resolution.

I can forgive a lot of things.... having a fucking baby on me isn't one of them. The cheating is bad enough but a BABY? fuck no!. That shows a different level of disrespect.. I had an ex that allegedly got a girl pregnant. I say allegedly cause the loser swore up and down it wasn't his baby. I didn't believe him. Do you think I stayed? Hell no.. I'm not helping him raise his love child. Aaron was absolutely correct.. there is a HUGE difference between dating someone that already has a child from a previous relationship and cheating, deceiving, getting pregnant by a lover and trying to pass the child off as your husband. I've read stories on here where the comments from the obvious cucks was "oh, he was an asshole cause he didn't stay with the slut and refused to raise her bastard kids. Those type of men don't get any respect. They're low hanging fruit, bottom of the barrel pile of dog shit🤭. They can't understand the level of disrespect by not only having a mate cheat but to show just how much you don't mean jack shit to them, they have a fucking child on you.. they risked your health slutting it up without a condom. With no cares for you or your health. The baby is just a souvenir, something they can look at and smile as they enjoy how they were able to deceive you so thoroughly. It is absolutely normal not to want to raise another person child conceived while cheating.. it's not normal to say, " the child is innocent, I will stay with the slut and raise the child as mine. Thats insane. That's not normal at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to stay faithful to you. You have every right to want to raise kids that are yours. Don't let a cuck tell you different.. his lawyer was also correct in his conclusions, the slut just wanted Aaron back for his money. Her baby daddy is a loser😭😭😭😭😭.. all she can see is her being a broke single mom struggling. She clearly didn't think that through while she was cheating and decided it would be a good idea to have a child by her lover. These dumb sluts are hilarious 🤭.. I really would've liked to have known how was she expecting him to react? What was her end game? What was her plan B if just ignoring Aaron when she was handed the baby didn't work? What did she think she can possibly say to make him want to stay with a lying, cheating, disrespectful, deceitful cum slut?🤔😒... He now knows she will not only cheat without a thought of him, their marriage, their future plans. But she will gladly get knocked up and have the audacity to want you to play daddy and breadwinner to her love child.. what man in their right mind would stay with such a person? If they do stay, when she goes out and have another baby expecting him to raise that one, he can't be mad🤷🏽‍♀️. You have told her it was ok for her to disrespect, humiliate and cuck you. I used to watch a reality show. This woman has been married to this man for 20yrs. He has about 8 kids. 4 of them are close behind each other and was born during their fucking marriage. The last episode I saw, some Instagram thot (that hoe over there) was claiming he got her pregnant. DNA test determined it is in fact his child. Do you know why he kept having babies on the dumb bitch? Cause she allowed him to get away with the first, after the second love child, doing it 3 more times didn't matter. For some odd reason she threw him out when this new baby #5 came into the picture. But no worries, she took him back after a month😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. This bitch is the sorriest woman I have ever seen. The level of low self esteem she radiates is enough to start a fire. You know what's even funnier about this? She just had his baby a month earlier. He had the fucking gull to have her baby DNA tested😂😂😂.. WHAT?! he's the habitual cheater, proven by the amount of kids he's had during their 20yr marriage. But he had the audacity to DNA test her kid ----- but it took him almost a year to get love child #5 tested. You should've seen the attitude he had. He no longer gives a fuck about her or her feelings. That's what allowing cheating do. If you allow someone to disrespect, cheat, lie and humiliate you, they start feeling invincible, they don't believe you will leave, regardless of what they do to you. They believe they can do what they want, who they want.. you're not going anywhere. Why? Because you told them they could🤷🏽‍♀️. I stopped watching the show when she took him back. She's an epic embarrassment to women. I don't care how long you've been with a person, certain things in a marriage will either make or break it. Cheating is a breaker. If you're going to cheat, don't get married. It's quite simple. Stay single, bang whoever you want, whenever you want. Divorce rate is high because we have sluts like Maddy getting married when they shouldn't. They'd only been married for 4yrs and she was already cheating!. That tells me all I need to know. She need to stay single. She had to be bat shit crazy to think he'd stay. I enjoyed this story.. I would've like to hear more from Maddy though.. I wanted to see what she thought she could do or say to convince him to raise her child? I bet it would've been hilarious 😭😭😭😭😭😭.. a cheaters favorite line " I Love you, you Love me, it was only sex" I don't believe she knows the definition of love. Love isn't intentionally causing hurt, pain, doubts to your partner. It's not lying, cheating and deceiving them. Just imagining your mate with someone else should cause you pain. Enough pain to make you understand just how it feels being cheated on. But when you're a selfish, self absorbed delusional slut, that have no idea what love is.. you don't think of such things.. the only thing that matters is getting your hole or holes plugged up by a strange cock or 2 or 3🙃😏.. Aaron did absolutely right. I applaud him. The baby came out, clearly not his and he left and started divorce proceedings.. there was nothing more to talk about. You can't explain away an affair, let alone a damn baby🙄🥴

Good read, I don't see the last line being necessary. Amelia left on good terms.

Excellent story, thank you.

Loved the story and your writing style. When I first clicked on chapter six, the text didn't immediately appear for some reason and I was left adrift. Fortunately, there was an ending and I liked the last line, it made me laugh.

LOL, I forgot Maddy wrecked her life. Any future guy will find out about child, and will investigate the reason for her divorce. Maddy hasn't got a snowballs chance in hell of getting a good guy until her daughter has left for college. By that time she'll be in her mid-to-late 40's at the very least, and you can bet most men at that time of life will have the funds to do a background check on her. She'll be able to get sex, but you can bet her chance of a relationship with a good guy is between slim and none. I think Maddy has quite a few lonely evenings ahead of her, where as she drinks her wine she'll be calling herself a "Stupid Bitch". Aaron got his revenge by leaving Maddy and living a good life afterwards.

Another great story from Lover1953. Wonderful Irish grammar as well.

Outstanding story!

Fabulous

Fun story, a little bit of "Doc Hollywood" meets "The Quiet Man." My only small critique is I'm not sure how Maddy didn't go after the coach for child support, allowing the betrayed wife to kick him to the curb. Maybe a part-2 telling her "Burn the Bastard" story!

Either the woketards are living rent free in this author's mind, or they have intimidated him enough that he felt it necessary to gratuitously include this rancid non-sequitur: "Before you all tar me as a racist,"

Good one!

Just a little correction, child support has to be paid before any other expense. If the guy who fathered the child can pay a mortgage, he has the money for child support. Its like that almost everywhere in the world. Just saying because that issue came up a few times in this one.

It's a wonderful story and I smiled all the way through. Congratulations! 5*.

I enjoyed it and am a suckered for happy endings.

DAMN! It was a great story, a very nice read. Kept my interest throughout. Congrats to the author. A very deserved 5 and more.

Well, I was enjoying it until the very abrupt ending. It needs more. Oh and it’s not meters it metres. Meters measure things, metres is a unit of length. And biscuits with meat stew are unknown in Ireland. Biscuits are what we call call cookies. There is not an equivalent to American biscuits.

A lively and fun story to read.

And I get the difference between a wife having an affair baby and a woman with a child by a previous relationship.

Yup…liked it too!!! Great story!

Charming story - a well deserved 5*. This general theme has been done before - a movie with Michael J. Fox as a would-be Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who had an accident and is stuck in a small town that needs a Dr., and a more grim story, I think called ‘Heart of the Prairie.’ But yours is unique unto itself and ultimately a uplifting tale!

PostScriptor

Great tale!

Nice story. I thought it flowed very smoothly. Thanks for posting.

A five star story. I am surprised the coach's wife was not informed of her husband fathering another child. Just because he 'did not have much' he and his wife both had good incomes Plus the wife deserved to know. If nothing else Aaron should have made sure the wife found out. The coach would learn the high price of fucking a married woman. That was a glaring fault in an other wise well done story.

Oh one more thing. You had Aaron use local terms early in his parts. At least when talking about the cop's weight loss you should have said:"He told me he had to lose x stone. I had to convert that to x pounds."

So he dumps his wife so he does not have to raise someone else's child to only end up raising someone else's child. Huh.

Well done!

Nicely done! Liked the Irish setting very much. 5*

Very well done, thanks for sharing.

Love this story! I've gotta be honest, the POV switches were clear and actually made the story more entertaining for me.

That Michael J. Fox movie was actually called Doc Hollywood, good movie!

Doc Hollywood was the movie. Filmed right close to where I live. The story was a well written fun piece. Thank you for your efforts

Well told. Maddy only wanted his salary anyway, not him.

Excellent story! I enjoyed it a lot. 5***** all the way! You have a lot of character development there, including the location, and I can see you turning it into a lovely novel. That was a real treat to read.

One more thing - there is nothing wrong with a changing POV and multiple narrators so long as it's clear. I had no problem following the story and the thoughts of each character increased the intimacy of the story.

Just learn to write in the 3rd person, then none of these POV changes are required and the immersion of the reader is sustained throughout.

Very good story. Could have made the future ex-wife slightly less cliched as pretty much everything she said was straight out of the LW Template so often used. Other than that I did enjoy it.

Not much anguish, but nevertheless it's a charming story, as others have commented. Would have liked a bit more confrontation between Amelia and the motherly nurse-practitioner.

An easy 5 stars. You wrote this wonderful tale clearly and creatively. I messed up and cheated, hubby just walked away and left me everything except $2000. He rebuilt a great life on his own. I miss him every hour of the day. We never plan on what to do when we get caught, and yes we often get caught in time. Pat, I'm sorry.

You placed the action in this story in Castleroy…..but did you actually mean Castleisland? Castleroy is a suburb of Limerick, while Castleisland is a village located about the right proximity to both Tralee and Kilarney 😎

.

Anyway….loved this story. I particularly enjoy “fight or flight” scenarios, and this example was a gem.

.

What kept this from a 5 ***** were a couple things: lack of any real insight into what motivated Mandy to cheat; the rapidity of him getting into the sack with the cop; and tne lack of any real development of his relationship with Lara. Plus the pretty much stupid visit by Maddy to Ireland.

.

That said…a very very strong 4 ****.

The story was lovely. I dislike point of view but it was handled well enough to avoid confusion.

I very much appreciate that you didn't identify the race of the baby. It's entirely unimportant. Quite frankly, it demonstrates a maturity that isn't often found on here.

Great story, easy 5. if I were the author, Maddy tries to stick around longer, turns serious psycho stalker. Police, Mayor, Amelia the hotty with a badge, and Nurse-Practitioner with needles/drugs team up and stash her drugged self into some abandoned Irish castle remains for re-education, before she is deported, and put on the no-fly list.

PS...Amelia got my motor running...start her own series. Thanks.

Sorry to say that I found this a little tedious and had to resort to skimming ahead to Jimmy and Aaron's interaction.

Really well done. I think the part where Maddy keeps pushing for reconciliation was a little over the top, but otherwise a well put together story. 5*

Well played.

Okay, this “nice” story of an American man being deceived by his wife in the worst possible way and going to Ireland moved into a very nice man looking for other nice people and found it. I found the story refreshing and very enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing it. 5*s.

Nice story. I particularly enjoyed the call-back to the story of the doctor from Albany with a motorcycle meeting a German woman. There must be something in the water in Albany that affects MD’s wives.

Stories written in the first person and from differing points of view are the mark of a writer who doesn't have the skill to properly tell a story. This could have been a fine little story, but is fatally flawed in its presentation.

I find it impossible to enjoy a story where the wife is brain-dead. Please try to make your characters believable.

I was rootin for the cop/lawyer gal myself

This is so good that I'm now following this Author.

\

6******, Hooyah, Salutes....

A bit telegraphed, but the biggest problem was the perspective shifts. They’re not easy to do, and almost never done well. The solution? Write in third person.

Great Read 5* . in the top 3 I've read.

Very captivating story involving two continents and interesting adventures. Thanks for the story.

A caucasian woman cheated on her caucasian husband, which adultery was revealed when the woman gave birth to a mixed race child. The husband sued for a divorce. The wife, without apology or regret, argued for the husband to accept her betrayal, the bastard child, and to continue their marriage as if the child was their own offspring. The couple eventually were divorced, and the husband remarried.

So why did that take six pages, most of which addressed None of the normal questions such a plot would inspire: Why did the wife betray her marriage? Why did the wife not take any precautions against pregnancy? Why did the wife carry the baby to term not knowing, and maybe even suspecting, what the race of the child would be? Why did the wife think her husband would accept her betrayal and embrace the cuckoldry she imposed on him? Why did the husband not seek any revenge against the asshole who was fucking his wife? Why did the husband not try to protect the wife of the asshole from his cheating and the probability of giving his wife venereal disease?

You do know that a successful young attractive surgeon in the American medical system is a pussy magnet? But his Wife didn't know this? The wife thought she could become another man's slut, foist a bastard onto this prosperous handsome sex magnet, and her husband would be OK with that? A woman who's behavior is so irrational and self destructive that she might qualify as suffering from some level of clinical mental disorder?

It was lame and inane. I felt sorry for the wife character; you might as well have given her two heads in addition to having half a brain. I think your story is getting very high marks. Congratulations. Please accept my comments as simply missing the true value. And thanks for the effort.

5 Stars and I liked the story.

The author could have spent less time on the ex-wife/skanky/slut - there were so many other potential side stories.

Well done! 5* ...thanx!

Loklie

No blarney in this tale, just hurt and love.

Great story, loved it. AAAAAA++++++

This was painful for anybody with even a passing knowledge of Ireland to read. It's like you got John Wayne from the Quiet Man to do your research.

No Irish person would use Constable - ever.

Gardai are trained in their own college and are never assigned back to their own area at the start of their careers.

The Government does not assign doctors anywhere, GPs are set up privately.

There's absolutely no way that Tralee hospital would carry out those surgeries, patients would be airlifted to a larger hospital.

:

:

:

Really good. No loose ends and the good guys came out on top. An easy 5 stars from me.

Excellent engaging story. Definitely five stars.

Noting short of AMAZING. I quicly gave it a 5*, only the 11th in my two years on here. I want to tell you all of the word level gaffs I spotted.... that was it, ZIP. Obvious you know how to proof read slowly. and the number of Followers you have garnered in 23 stories is out of this solar system. DO keep 'em coming.

POV shifts are fine and this isn't a bad tale, but more research on Irish phraseology and terminology would have made this story so much better. It became a strange mix of English English and US English with a dash of Aussie English thrown in...

What a great yarn, thanks for sharing. Five stars. Good advertisement for a trip to Ireland.

Enchanting, witty, laid back, excellent writing and the good guys won in the end. Can’t get better than that.

Thanks! 5*

Great story, but only one loose end.......Lover boy!!!!!!!!!!!

I very much enjoyed reading your story. I give it 5* ++! Some people seem to think that the motivation and background of the wife’s betrayal needed to be expanded with all of the details. I think not. The real story is what happens in Ireland in the present, not what what happened in America in the past. The wife’s betrayal was just a jumping off point for the Ireland story. Anything more about betrayal then was said would have been padding the story with unnecessary words.

Your handling of the POV was very much appreciated by me. When authors write long, complex stories with multiple characters it is often difficult to readily tell that there has been a POV change until I realize that I don’t know who is speaking. Then I have to go back and reread last paragraph or so to figure it out. This is disruptive. Providing that information in the way that you did left me with the definitive knowledge as to who’s speaking. Thank you! As far as these other authors telling you that you should learn to write in the third person an then you wouldn’t have write as you do, I say who are they to tell you how to write your stories. If they don’t like it they should read someone else’s stories. Keep on writing the way you see fit. I for one like it. 👍

I, as QuickMagazine, was a bit leery of expecting too much after building up expectations so high on the Foreigner event stories from Stev2244 and Hooked1957. Interesting, then, that this story started off a bit like Stev2244, with a befuddled/confused/puzzled MMC, instead of the usual laconic, matter-of-fact lover1953 MMC. But pretty quickly it went back into more familiar lover1953 territory - in fact, VERY familiar, as not only do we have another Albany doctor in a foreign country escaping a cheating wife, but he even knows the other doctor. Crossover! Crossover! Love it! In fact, there are many common elements with what is a contender for all-time best lover1953 story ("David: Survival and Adventure"). Such as the Garda investigating Aaron's background (like Emma's friend's husband's governmental look into David), coming across an accident on the road whilst biking, Maddy flying to Ireland to drop in on Aaron (recalling David's surprise flight to Germany to visit Emma - not the same purpose as Maddy's trip, but still), and, of course, the ever-present motorcycle. Meanwhile, the scenes at Laura's home with Matilda and at the fair with the two of them recall similar moments in another of this author's great ones, "Dan: His Story" (in fact, the daughter in "Dan" is also named Matilda). All these commonalities, at least for this reader, really enhanced the story. The POV switches, contrary to a number of Anon critiques, were done really well, in my opinion. And although I respect Reed Richards, I disagree with his view that third-person would be better. The multiple first-person perspectives made this all seem more immediate to me. And I think L53 set an all-time record for most POV's in his stories - by my count, we have Aaron Brown, Mayor Mary Johnson, Constable Amelia Kelly, attorney James Little, N-P Laura Thompkins, and Maddy Brown. Think that's a couple more than the well populated "Mark - My Story" (his most recent previous tale). And this is the first lover1953 to feature a competition between two women for title of successor wife. Amelia really fit the Emma role ("David"), but Laura fit the Sarah one ("Dan"). Which would he choose? Guess the law school in Dublin decided it for him, and in the end, think Laura was really the better fit. And glad that instead of re-locating back to Albany (as Emma did with David), Aaron and Laura stayed to build their lives in Castleroy. That town (and the nearby hospital) really needed a doctor. And finally, I'm sure that those who pointed out inaccuracies are correct. Didn't matter enough, though, to change my score from a 5. Though if a higher number were on offer, I'd have taken it.

It's really, really tedious and dishonest, in my opinion, that every story where a white woman cheats with a black man has some kind of, "I'm not racist" qualifier following the discovery. The story is no longer a story at that point, it's propaganda.

Well written but your lead character has next to no personality. He’s a (largely accidental) local hero hiding from a cheating wife who is nice to a nurse’s kid. That’s the extent of his character.

Also hard to tell why the nurse ‘waited’ for him while he was waiting out his divorce in bed with the young hottie.

So you’re getting good ratings but I just don’t care about this guy.

So if the baby had a white father???? Why did Maddy cheat and how did he not know? Seems like a big part of the story is missing No real emotions from Aaron at all. Romantic story with no romance....

Very good story. Lots of need for medics the world over, so this could take place anywhere. LP

I found it strange that Laura never felt like plan b that Amelia was gone so he comes running. At least some time went on before she agreed to marriage.

4 stars. NO fallout whatsoever for the ass she cheated with, not even telling his wife.

At least, no financial windfall to the cheating wife from the protagonist. But no telling the school to ruin her career/reputation. No letting all her parent's friends know the baby was a bastard from another man not "adopted".

Also, while I get that the whole "cute baby he's ready to adopt because divorcee is nice" is a good storytelling device and lets the last part have a morality twist comparing the two situations, it's utterly unfair (of the author) to the protagonist to place him in a position to take care of another man's baby. Like he couldn't find a childless woman who'd love him.

It's a very nice story, but the MC doesn't talk (or write) like an American.

Thanks for spinning a compelling yarn in a different structure to deal with a common story line -- the "bombshell" by a cheating wife who doesn't quite see the prob;em. character development was good, but a little light on some of the more important characters. I had a sense that the ending was a bit rushed, but maybe I'm being hyper-critical. Thanks for the time and effort you put in crafting an enjoyable read.

Yeah, that was excellent. 5 stars. A little bit "Doc Hollywood", and a little from the British series, "Doc Martin". Good story, well done.

.

For all the whiners and whingers, happy to see Just_Words mentioned there's nothing wrong with a changing POV and multiple narrators. Many famous authors write the same way, in at least some of their stories. I know Stephen King has and he manages to pay the bills. Seems like one person complains about something silly and then a bunch of others jump on board, thinking it makes them look edumacated or something.

I enjoyed the story for what it was a good story. I didn't try to read anything into it, other than the doc wanting to live his life without his ex-wife. He left the country because he wanted to do something for himself. He ended up in a small town, got drunk and ended up in the "drunk tank", Then the police Sargent had a heart attack and he saved his life. Then he went on to save 7 other lives while out seeing the sites. Basically proving he was a good man, and wanted to help others. He found that he liked the small town, and set up there for a while, having sex with 2 different women. Then he finally hooks up with one lady, and ends up marrying her, and they have at least 1 child together. He apparently decides to stay in Ireland, to live his life there.

I gave it 5 stars. Like I said I enjoyed the story for the way it was told, and as a reader that's all I can ask for.

Cautionary tale to white women, that side order of BBC can segue into the hard to disguise BBS 9 months later. No grey area there! Keep those legs together during GNO or while the hubby is at work. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"sedan" made me chuckle. No-one in Ireland or the UK says that.