Abandoned Rage

Now in hindsight, I am sure that Jillian agreed so easily because she knew, someday she would likely betray me for her lover. But she had no idea how much that was going to cost her.

That night I fell into a restless sleep, but I did manage to get a few hours until I woke and decided to take myself out for breakfast.

I drove around a while, finding a great Asian fusion place that mixed traditional Asian and Aussie food into delicious breakfast creations that I enjoyed. While I ate and enjoyed an extra-strong coffee, I drafted a letter to a friend at one of the law firms that my company works with outlining what was happening and to prepare for divorce proceedings.

The call I got within half an hour was disbelief, but I outlined everything that had occurred to Mike. He told me he'd be ready to file Monday morning and refer me to someone within his firm who could help. Of course, he let me know how sorry he was.

I spent another hour at the café. I didn't have much of an idea of what I was doing other than browsing the web on my laptop and feeling a little sorry for myself.

When I got home, Mark and Lina were parked in the driveway and got out of their car as I parked on the curb.

"Greg, we're...." Lina started.

I held up my hand before she could go any further, she stopped.

"Gregory," I said.

"Sorry?" Lina repeated.

"My name is Gregory. Only my friends get to call me Greg," I said flatly.

"Listen bud," Mark started trying to sound conciliatory. "We're sorry for how last night went down, that is not how..."

I held up my hand again, and he stopped just like his wife. I looked at a tree on the other side of the road for a moment. It was a larger tree that had one of its limbs torn off in a recent storm. The branch had collapsed onto a carport but missed the house. As I stared at it for a moment, I felt the analogy of the tree losing a branch was an apt analogy for what I was feeling. Losing Jillian felt like I had my arm cut off.

When I looked back at Mark and Lina a minute later, tears were dripping from my face while anger flashed white-hot from my eyes.

"Don't you dare, Mark? Don't you fucking dare make excuses!" I spat. "You've known that slut has been cheating on me behind my back for months and you say nothing. "

"But Gregory, it's true..." Lina started to say.

"Love!" I finished, interrupting her as I felt the warm tears continue to streak down my face. "Spare me the sanctimonious bullshit woman. True love doesn't stab others in the back to get what it wants. True love is compassionate. It cares about what happens to those around them, not abandoning them or humiliating them with no warning and then rubbing it in their faces in front of an entire crowd.

"I thought what Jillian and I had was true love. I never doubted her. I worshipped the ground she walked on and loved her so much that I would have given her anything."

"I know," Lina said, tears now swelling in her eyes, "But Jillian and Troy..."

"STOP!" I yelled, my rage boiling over in the single word. My tears were suddenly gone.

"Stop," I said more quietly. "Lina, I don't want to hear another word about Jillian and Troy. I don't want to hear another word about their love and how they are meant to be together. I just wasted the last several years of my life in a lie. Seven fucking years Lina! Years of being there for her as she struggled with self-identity issues when she felt Troy abandoned her. Years of encouraging her to grow beyond her limits, years of intense period pain every month, and years of planning for a family. And let's not forget so many years of talking about growing old together.

"I've wasted years of nothing because I was only ever a plan b. But tell me why friend," I said, emphasising the word. "Why does the asshole get to waltz back in after leaving her while I've spent years investing in someone I loved without reservation?"

They looked at me like a child that had no idea. I continued, the anguish and pain rushing out.

"He gets all of my hard work; he gets the woman I built up when he abandoned her. He gets all her friends that betrayed me before she has true love."

At least on the last statement, they had the decency to look ashamed.

"Well fuck that!" I exclaimed to them. "She now gets what she deserves, and both of you were part of that, so get the fuck off my property."

"Greg," Mark said. I glared, "Look I get it. This is not what any of us thought would happen. We honestly thought Jillian and you would be happy forever. We thought you would have kids. But Troy came back, and we can all see how much they love each other. We know it sucks, but they deserve to be happy."

"And what about me and my happiness?" I asked them. "What do I deserve?"

Neither of them knew what to say. I sighed.

"I tell you what I deserve, I deserve a loyal wife; I deserve friends who look out for me. But I get none of them, so fuck you. I don't want your pity. None of you including the slut appear to care anything for me if it has any conflict with them.

"So if I appear bitter it's because I am. However, put yourself in my shoes," I said. I looked at Lina. "Mark? When Lina finds her true love and leaves you for him, then you'll know how I feel."

"But Mark is my..." Mark's arm clamped down on Lina's arm silencing her.

"All right Gregory," Mark said. "You've made your point, and you're not willing to see things from the other side. We're leaving, but as a last friendly gesture is there anything we can do?"

I thought for a minute and then looked at the mini-van they had parked in the driveway.

"Yes, wait here."

Over the next few minutes, I brought out, well practically threw out several boxes crammed with Jillian's clothes, her makeup and personal belongings. I dumped the boxes in front of them and a couple of times you could hear fragile things break. I saw them cringe but they said nothing.

"I was thinking of just leaving them in the driveway, but as you're here, you can just take them to the slut's new home wherever their love nest is." I said.

"But Jillian said she wanted the house and you were going to move..." Lina said.

I laughed, silencing her before she could say another word.

"It's not her house. It doesn't belong to her. Then again it doesn't belong to me either. So she is going to find she's shit out of luck. Tell the whore that she doesn't need to come back here. Everything that's hers is in those boxes. Also, tell her she will be mailed the divorce documents Monday by my lawyer. I've already removed all her stuff and taken myself off the accounts so whatever is left is hers."

"You're not even..." Lina started and stopped.

"What?" I asked. "To fight? Fuck no... She's in love with him, she's been cheating on me, and she's lied to me for several years about where her loyalty lies. No, I'll give her what's coming to her. Nothing more, nothing less."

There was not much more to say, so I watched them load most of the boxes into their van and drive away. I think they were somewhat sad, they knew by supporting Jillian they had lost my friendship, but if they were remorseful, I wasn't there to see it.

That night I got drunk and cried like a baby. I got angry and put my fist through a wall; that done, I smashed a vase that Jillian and I bought on holiday for our first wedding anniversary. I raged at being abandoned by my wife and friends and destroyed most of the lounge room. If it wasn't tied down, I threw it. If it was tied down, I used everything else to smash it to pieces. I punched more holes in the walls along the hallway. I let the seething anger I had manifest, tearing most of the doors off cabinets in the kitchen and even putting a couple of big dents in the fridge.

I woke hungover in the morning, with a headache for the ages and bloody knuckles, possibly fractured hands and scrapes up and down my arms. I roughly put some bandages over my hands and arms, knowing that I would need to take myself to the doctor to get everything looked at.

I surveyed the lounge room noting that I would have to replace pretty much everything as not a single piece of furniture had escaped my wrath. Along the hallway, ragged holes were spaced unevenly as I took out my frustrations on the unsuspecting walls.

In the kitchen, there were cupboard doors strewn all over the floor and appliances leaning in positions where they would never operate correctly. I winced as I looked at the three big dents in the fridge, a vague memory of how at the time, the punches I threw at the sheet metal door felt so satisfying.

In the dented fridge, I found some orange juice that only expired a couple of days ago, so I grabbed a couple of Panadol and took a big drink. Within half an hour, the pulsing around the room had settled down and I moved into the lounge room, sitting on the floor between broken chairs and sat gazing at the cracked TV.

The rest of my day passed in a blur. I took myself to the doctor and got my arms looked at. Both my hands had hairline fractures and they would need to be bound for a while so they healed. I got messages from a number of people, including Mark and Lina, but I didn't respond to any of them. I ended up heading to bed that night not having any idea if I did anything that day other than stare at the TV and go to the doctor.

The next day was Monday, and I headed into the office at the usual time. My usual routine first thing was to run through emails from Friday as well as anything that came in over the weekend, then prep for a 9:00am team meeting to plan for everyone's actions throughout the week. I had a team of fifteen people and, for the most, part we did good work.

About eight-thirty, my office admin, an older lady in her fifties by the name of Colleen, came into the office, took one look at me, pulled out a chair and sat down.

"That bad of a weekend, eh?" she asked, looking at the bindings over my hands and arms.

I had never said a harsh word to her in the three years we had worked together, but when I glared at her, she gulped.

"Gregory, I'm sorry, it must have been bad, what happened," she asked.

I sighed and stared at my screen for a moment before taking my hands off the keyboard and turning to face my office admin.

"Jillian left me for her true love," I admitted in a very expressionless voice.

"WHAT!" Collen exploded. "No, you're making this up, seriously Gregory, don't..."

I held up my bandaged hands as I felt my eyes tear up. I shook my head.

"It's true," I told her. "Friday night we had that informal class reunion. It felt like all her classmates knew it was going to happen, that included Mark and Lina. They all knew that Jillian and loverboy had been fucking behind my back for months. They all just chose to ambush me with the fact Friday night."

With that, I broke down and cried. For the first time since we met, Colleen came around the desk and hugged me. As she did, I could feel her own tears begin to fall on my shoulders.

I told her how Saturday I got drunk and in a wild rage, destroyed most of the furniture in the house, putting holes in the walls of at least half the house. I told her how I took myself to the doctor yesterday to get my hands bandaged, all the while nursing the hangover of the ages.

By the time our morning stand-up came around, both of us had tried to dry our eyes as much as possible. Collen ushered everyone into our big meeting room on time, and once they were seated, I came in and sat down.

"I hope that everyone had a good weekend," I said, getting a number of nods around the room, but everyone was trying not to look at my bandages.

"This week..." I started to say, and Colleen interrupted, this time putting her hand up to stop us.

"Sorry Gregory, but I can't let this stand. After what happened to you this past weekend, you can't pretend like everything is normal," Collen stated. I hesitated for a moment and then nodded. Colleen looked at me again. The look told me she wanted to bring everyone into the loop, at least about the basics. After a moment's thought, I nodded permission, knowing that she would only share that which would be helpful.

"Everyone, this past weekend, Gregory was betrayed by his wife and a number of friends. Jillian has been cheating on him for the last few months and decided to leave him in one of the most callous and disgusting ways possible. By humiliating him in front of a group of people, several of whom were supposed to be friends."

Colleen stopped for a moment to let that sink in, then focused down on one person sitting, almost hiding on the other side of the table.

"Isn't that right James?" Colleen asked.

James Colson was one of our CPA's. He was also one of Jillian's classmates. And, I realized for the first time that both he and his wife had been there Friday night witnessing the scene unfold. James hadn't said much to anyone since coming into the office, but when he saw me, he tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. When Colleen started talking he paled. When she called him out, he tried to melt into the seat he was sitting in as every head in the room swivelled to focus on him

"um..." he said.

"James," Colleen retorted in a stern grandmotherly voice. "Were you or were you not there on Friday night?"

"Yes, but..." James tried to say.

"And did you, or did you not know that your employer's wife was having an affair with someone from your class?" Colleen asked firmly. James swallowed. "Be honest James."

James looked down at the table in front of him, "I did." He said very quietly.

For a moment no one said anything. The air in the room was palpable. Until today I would have thought everyone in the room had each other's back. Almost everyone in the room was bristling, an angry undertone directed at James.

"All right then James," Collen said after a few moments. "Right now, I think you need to leave the room. I think you need to think about your future with this firm because if we find out that you supported Jillian at all in the events of this past weekend, you will be fired for cause. Do you understand?"

He swallowed again, then stood. "I understand." And tried to walk out of the room as quietly as possible.

No one said anything. For the most part, I had forgotten that James was part of the room on Friday. As everything happened, I hardly noticed anyone except the major players that were ruining my life.

I cleared my throat.

"Everyone," I said trying to bring us back to the moment. "I'm not going to lie, my personal life sucks, and you can all guess that my weekend was not enjoyable."

I held up my hands to emphasise the point.

"But we all have a job to do and clients to look after. This week I'm just going to trust that you all have each other's backs and if you need anything specific, let Colleen know. I'll be here, but if we're all real about what's happening, I'm going to be a mess. So please bear with me."

I almost cried again as everyone around the room poured out sympathy and words of support.

"Lastly," I said. "This one is hard for me to say, but don't crucify James yet. I get that you're all angry and James is an easy scapegoat. But let's spend some time and get the full story before we execute one of our own."

I got a number of mumbles, but everyone agreed.

Colleen ran the rest of the meeting for me. Then breaking the meeting up, I headed back to my office and stared out the window. A few minutes later, Colleen knocked. Turning to the doorway, I saw her standing and waiting, a very chastened James standing right behind her. I ushered them in and James appropriately closed the door behind him before taking the seat that Colleen pointed him to.

"I think you and James need to have a chat, Gregory," she said simply.

I nodded, sitting down in my chair as James sat down on the other side of my desk. I kept staring out of my office window, my mind still a whirl of emotions. It was not even ten in the morning, and I could do with a drink.

James cleared his throat. I turned my eyes to him, and he looked down.

"So..." I said, an accusation heavy in my voice.

"Gregory, I..." he stopped, then laughed for a moment.

"Something funny?" Colleen asked just a hint of anger underneath her usual professional manner.

James smiled at me, but it was an unhappy smile, sorrowful and full of grief. "No, nothing is funny about this whole situation," James lamented. "My boss is betrayed; our entire class is divided and in addition to my wife screaming at me all day yesterday I am about to lose my job. So no, nothing is funny, but I either laugh with a little gallows humour or I cry."

I smiled cautiously back at the guy. I always did like James, he was hard-working, and until this morning when Colleen brought him to my attention, I thought he would be with us forever.

I smiled back, "James, why don't you start from the top?" I asked, trying to sound casual and supportive.

He nodded, adjusting himself awkwardly in the chair he was sitting in.

"Uh, I suppose you have heard too many times now about how perfect Jillian and Troy were together in high school?" he asked me; I nodded.

"In the past few days, I have heard nothing else but..." I responded.

He nodded, "In high school I was always a math geek, I wasn't bullied, but neither was I in the popular crowd. However, we all watched Jillian and Troy. They were the king and queen of our year."

James looked at me for a reaction. Getting none, he continued.

"When our final year was winding up, and university placements were coming out, we all thought they would be going together, but the entire school was shocked when Troy announced he would be heading overseas without Jillian."

Again he paused. I nodded. I knew some of this story, and wordlessly I gestured for him to continue.

"Well, they broke up the week before school finished, Troy ended up going to a few parties, but Jillian never went. Over the break between the end of school and starting university, I saw Jillian twice. She looked broken and withdrawn. Then a few months later, I heard from someone else that Troy was living it up in the states. He had a full-ride scholarship thanks to his family, and the gossip was that he already had a girlfriend."

I nodded again. I also heard this from Jillian as I helped her stand up again during the getting to know you phase of our relationship. She had cried into my shoulder a few times in the early days about how it hurt that Troy would abandon her and take on another girlfriend. It was on the back of one of these conversations that Jillian and I shared our first kiss and I asked her out on a date. After that Troy started to become a distant memory to Jillian. That is until recently...

James continued, bringing me out of the memory. "Well, I headed off to university myself, got my degree, met and married Sherri and felt fortunate to land a role here..."

His smile was a little bittersweet.

"I was surprised when I learned that you had married Jillian," James admitted. "Honestly, I was pleased to see how happy she was with you. I mean, Troy leaving hurt her so much. To see that she landed with a good man that helped her land on her feet made me glad at the time."

For a moment, James became lost in his own thoughts, so I jumped in.

"So when did you learn about Troy and Jillian's affair?" I asked, surprised at the neutral tone of my voice. I think James was too as he looked at me a little funny as there was no hostility in it.

"About an hour before Jillian and yourself turned up for dinner." He said dejectedly. "A few of the class were talking. I picked up something about Jillian leaving you for Troy later that evening and my surprise registered on everyone's faces."

I gave James a questioning look. He sighed.

"Until the dinner, only a handful of people knew anything. But everyone in the class got told that Jillian and Troy were supposed to be together. Mark and Lina pulled Sherri and me aside, telling us that it was happening and while they felt sorry for you, that Jillian had made her choice and you just weren't a part of her future.