Addicted Ch. 16

Lizzy gave me a kiss and the door closed behind her.

The click of the latch echoed through my apartment. It was the loneliest goddamned sound I'd ever heard. Two fucking seconds and I was already missing her.

This wasn't good. This wasn't me.

#

Six hours later, I had checked off all my go-to purge habits. I'd gone for a short run and probably lost hearing to my playlist. I'd lifted, then worked over the heavy bag until sweat stung my eyes. A cold shower and a shave later, I focused on visualizing the anatomy of a knee, all in an effort to help a client recovering from a torn ACL.

I actually had a couple dozen plastic medical models that I'd bring into the gym from time to time, including a knee you could take apart to see what a torn anterior cruciate ligament looked like. It helped people understand why therapy takes forever and why they had to be careful during recovery.

I'd probably bring that model in on Monday.

And I was fooling myself if I thought I ever really got Lizzy out of my head.

We were a couple months into a very physical relationship... and she cheated.

Twice.

I knew it. She admitted it.

I saw the second one. I watched it. Hell, I was the one who encouraged it.

And then...?

I couldn't do this. I stared at my phone, wondering what this break-up call should sound like. I'd certainly done it before, but I was a face-to-face kinda guy.

In that moment, I closed my eyes. I could feel the stress in my own knees. Despite the wraps and the gloves, I felt the tenderness in my knuckles. I felt the post-pump weariness in my shoulders. But I didn't feel anything above my neck.

Once I realized it, it took a second to sink in.

There was no emotion. It wasn't calm, it wasn't serene. It was empty without loneliness. I knew myself well enough to know that if I'd had an ounce of emotion, this would've been scary as fuck.

It's like I'd blown a fuse.

Got lost so deep in feeling Lizzy that I couldn't handle it, then SNAP. From what I remembered of my old Psych classes, I think they called this "dissociation." Or sociopathy, or something. For fucks' sake, I was a physical therapist, not a psychiatrist.

There. That was something. A flash of anger. Emotion. Good.

Anger at who?

Me. Wait, ME?

Why?

I always had a plan. Everything. Have a plan. Don't go into battle without a plan. You can always change a bad plan, but you can't adapt what isn't there.

I had no plan with Lizzy.

She walked out the door this morning, and "we" were okay. We said "I love you" to each other, and we meant it. Then... "pop."

I had no idea how to give what she seemed to need. I'd played the "dom" in a relationship before, including wearing business suits while she wore a leather collar. Totally not me, but the sex was good. From what that girl had said, I could play the "mister/daddy" role like I'd been born into it. Jesus, that girl used to go back to her place after dates and write margin notes in her romance novels.

Came from a rich family, too...

Thing was: it was boring. It wasn't me.

I glanced at my phone, shaking my head. Fear was coming back now, too. Fear in gray, sadness in blue, anger in reds.

Was this the backside of emotional shock?

I had my share of sustained operational stress, but I'd never been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic.

And now, all of it was flooding back. Jesus. I squeezed my eyes shut.

I wasn't getting shot at. What the fuck?

This was a girl.

I gripped the kitchen counter, sure I'd fall off the world if I let go. Didn't even realize I was smiling... then chuckling... until I heard my own voice.

Happy?

Yeah.

Deliriously happy. Or at least delirious. And happy.

I let go of the counter, ready to fly... and sadly, stayed right on the ground.

So this is what it was like to blow an emotional circuit. Then flip the breaker and reboot the system. Weird. I'd have to look this shit up... and lock up my phone if it happened again. One thing for sure, I wasn't going tell anybody about it.

#

I was going to have to get a new couch.

Tilting it up, the cracks were right there. It made me a little sad. Not the expense, but there were a lotta memories on this thing, from Lizzy... and earlier.

But lately... all Lizzy, if I dared to admit it.

Do you dare?

I almost didn't. I was still a little freaked out about... whatever that was today. Emotional shock or something.

Glanced at my phone again. THAT woulda been dumb.

Never been engaged, but came close. There were those stories about somebody getting cold feet and calling it off. Maybe even breaking it off. I'll bet emotional shock was mixed in there... along with doubt and regret, I'm sure.

I pushed the phone further away.

I was still waiting for those two to pop up: doubt and regret. If they hadn't, after a pair of cheats...? Let's face it: monogamy was not on my priority list.

Picked up the phone, then put it back down. What the fuck NOW?

The tiniest bit of fear in there. Fear that I'd let Lizzy know how much... I didn't even want to say it. I'd said it, out loud, to her, already... I said it to her TODAY!

...But I didn't want to say it now. To me. Fuck.

Yeah, she had cute lips and a killer ass, and big, warm brown eyes... and that's what made it confusing. Right now, I missed her voice. I missed her laugh. I missed the way she took up space. She could be perfectly quiet in the other room and I could still feel her energy.

I was not ready for this.

Someday, we'd talk again. Maybe even in this lifetime.

Maybe we'd go couch shopping together.

#

Sun was down and I was in my boxers. Almost didn't hear the phone over the hypnotic bass of the trance. It was her ring tone.

"Liz?"

"James!" she bubbled. "How are you feeling?"

"Average. Tired. Worked out more than I should've..." There, I'd been strong. Didn't say anything stupid and pushed away a little, just to be safe.

"I, umm..." Her voice was almost wistful. "Am I a sap if I admit I'm missing you?"

Goddammit. Of all the wavelengths to share. Just be cool. "Did you want to go get a drink?"

"God, no. I want to eat popcorn and watch movies and hide under my comforter."

"Aww, I can't find you if you're hiding."

"There's room for two under here."

"Be right over."

#

The call was late, I got there late; walking in around 10:30.

She answered the door in panties and an old race t-shirt. On her, sensible cotton panties were still sexy. Nature of the ass, I guess.

Her place was plain on the outside, but her apartment was an explosion of color. Between all the paintings and photographs, it was an art museum. A fucking awesome museum -- and all of it was her own.

Her welcome kiss warmed me up, but holy shit, the A/C turned that place into a meat locker. She wasn't kidding about hiding under her comforter.

A minute later, babbling through small talk, and we were comfortable under her duvet.

Since I'd come over, she offered to watch an action flick. She initially leaned into the war genre, but I did NOT need to see that. I steered her toward the MCU instead. Plenty of great fight scenes, plus superpowers.

Sex appeal. Did I mention sex appeal? Fuckin' A, man, they knew how to cast. And they knew how to costume that cast. It was fun. Fucking ironic that it took superheroes to bring me back to the reality that I was laying next to a cute-monster.

The credits rolled and not even sure how, but we were making out. I was getting... there... but honestly, I was still in movie mode. Watching with her was just too much fun. It was already after one in the morning; would it be so bad if we just fell asleep in each other's arms?

Maybe, maybe not: she picked a raunchy comedy for the second act of our double feature. Ninety minutes of cringing and laughing and "I'd never do that... again!"

Yeah, she really said that.

"Again? I think you need to tell me about the first time you did 'that'..."

She gave me a sexy little chortle and shook her head. "Wouldn't you like to know!"

"Actually, yeah, I would."

She crossed her arms, pouting. "Promise you won't freak out?"

"I promise I'll spank you with my dick."

"Oh!" And that turned into a story about the first time she went down on a guy while he was driving them on a date... in his dad's car.

"See? That makes me want to take you out for a late-night drive."

She rested her chin on her hand. "You like hearing about my history?"

"Yeah! I mean, I have so far, haven't I?"

"More that I've done stuff, not how I've done stuff."

"Let's hear the how. I can picture you like you're my own personal porn star."

"Jinkies, that's kinky! What else do you want to know?"

"Uhh... Velma, I don't even know where to start."

She giggled as she pantomimed looking for her lost glasses.

"You have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now."

"Would you be jealous if I told you Shaggy was here earlier?"

"See? Now you're just toying with me."

"Okay, I have an idea!" She dashed out, grabbed her laptop and dove back under the duvet. She thought for just a second, then typed "GIRLFRIEND PORN" into the search bar.

The first million or so hits seemed to come from Tumblr. Her cursor hovered over a content creator under the handle "I Want My Girlfriend Like This" (except all smooshed into one word).

Lizzy looked over her shoulder at me. "Explore?"

"Hit it."

Holy shit.

She did a casual scroll and the thumbnails just seemed to go on forever. Some were stills, a lot were animated GIFs, and they all buried the slutometer needle.

After getting a sense of how much there was, she spun right back up to the top and clicked on the first picture.

What did I do...? Gently, I slid her legs apart, ran a finger between her thighs and found she was sopping wet. My girlfriend was turned on by porn. That was... good? No, that was amazing.

I climbed between her legs, still looking over her shoulder, and silently snaked my dick into a very wet pussy.

"That's what I've been missing..." she sighed.

I was so hard, just by the situation, that I had to close my eyes a moment.

Baseball...

Picture after picture, me barely moving my hips, us both half-pretending we weren't actually browsing porn with my hard cock buried deep inside her. Every now and then, a Kegel squeeze, like her pussy was saying "I love you."

For porn, the pics were pretty standard stuff, though some wasn't explicit at all: just pics of girls. It was the captions that made the magic. What got our attention? Stuff like a girl on her knees, blowing some guy sitting on a couch. The caption? "A friend lost his job and was feeling down so my girlfriend went to comfort him."

Lizzy glanced at me, and I nodded. Not sure what we were telling each other, exactly, but it felt as hot as the pic itself.

What about that pic? Was that really what happened in the original pic? Who the fuck cares? The story it was telling had both of us hooked.

Then there was the ultra-hardcore, like the naked blonde drinking from a cum-filled champagne flute: "Are you happy she found a new favorite drink?"

Fuck. That was utterly repulsive... yet my dick surged deeper inside her.

She felt my reaction and giggled at me. "Wow! You do like a dirty girl!"

I had no idea what the fuck I was feeling, so I covered with the first stupid joke that came to mind: "Hey, that could be your go-to hangover reliever."

A Kegel squeeze as she nodded. "I'd drink it."

Her words blasted a shockwave right though my dick. "Really?"

She shrugged. "In the right setting, if I'm in the right mood..."

"Have you ever...?"

"Like that? No. Why? Do you want me to?"

"Uh... maybe? Yes?"

Part of me dove right down the rabbit hole, planning gangbang logistics. Lizzy, however, had already scrolled on.

She stopped at the pic of a girl on her hands and knees. Somebody wrote in permanent marker on her naked back: "Sign-Up" with an empty list, 1 to 5. First of all, the original pic was fucking hot all by itself. The caption took it to the next level with the boyfriend's response: "Her birthday wish. I support it."

Lizzy glanced over her shoulder at me. "Would you support it?"

Why use words for pillow talk? I answered with a hard couple of thrusts.

Or the pic of a girl getting plowed so hard, her eyes are rolling back into her head. The caption: "Oh honey he feels so good. I'm gonna cum on your friend's big cock."

She stared at that one for a while.

"You like that one?"

She nodded.

"The big cock?"

"Already got that," she giggled. She twisted a little to look back at me. "Would you... Would you want to share me with your friends?"

"I hadn't really... Well, you know... That would be just... fucking hot."

She covered her mouth, chortling. "That was kinda fun to watch."

"Me, having that realization? I hadn't really thought about it, but... Yeah, definitely."

She raised her ass, pushing me a little deeper into her. "I want your friends to do me!"

Wow. Yeah. That, too, got another surge out of my dick.

She felt the jolt but took it in stride. She went back to scrolling and finally stopped at an artistic black and white shot... of a couple doing doggy-style: "I just want someone to use my girlfriend like a whore."

I know she felt another jolt from my shaft.

Or the one right after, with a similar setup, but the girl is looking over her shoulder at the guy fucking her: "I love my boyfriend, but I am your little slut."

I chuckled as I fucked her. "I think I just felt you get extra wet..."

"I did," she admit.

Or the color still of a guy fucking a kneeling blonde while she sucked off a guy in front of her. "I was looking for my girlfriend at the party. I found the slut like this."

She looked over her shoulder at me. "Would you want to find me like that?"

"Depends on the party. Would you want me to find you like that?"

"Yes, definitely," she nodded. "...You know, depending on the party."

For a moment, just a moment, I had to focus on... my shoulders. I was still propped up, supporting myself as I looked over her, at the screen. Not like I was getting tired, not like I was sore, but I had to flex a little, distract myself.

This was more than just pillow talk, wasn't it?

Maybe it wasn't quite explicit action planning, but we were definitely feeling out the edges of each other's fantasy boundaries. In that respect, inside the boundaries...? Anything was possible.

She stopped at a mirror selfie of a hot blonde with great boobs. I saw the sudden let-down in Lizzy's face. The caption? "If she has huge tits, you should let other guys cum on them too."

That moment, my girlfriend was suddenly self conscious.

Shit.

I reached around and advanced the scroll. Next pic: a blowjob so plain it was almost medical. Big dong in a girl's mouth. Her eyes are closed, maybe she's enjoying it? By the cum on her lips, he sure did. The caption: "Encourage your girlfriend to suck a new cock every day."

"There," I pointed. "That one."

She raised her ass, driving my dick even deeper into her. Instant reset for Lizzy. "Be careful saying that to me..."

I nodded, my brain rolling back to boundaries.

She scrolled to the next one... which was a girl on her back, nicely fucked, as she looked into the camera. The caption: "Send it to my boyfriend. No, fuck that. Upload it online so everyone can see."

"Is that something you'd tell a guy?"

She bit her lip. "Yes?"

She was already getting tense, in a very good way, as the next pic scrolled past. Maybe I should give you the caption first: "She said she was heading over to get some old stuff back from her ex. An hour later, he sent me this picture."

Naturally, it was a pic of a girl, bent over, cheeks up, cum dripping down her ass crack.

Lizzy looked back at me. "What if...?"

"For real?"

She nodded. "For realz."

"I think we talked about this night before last, didn't we? I'm kind of looking forward to you cheating with your two 'special' ex-boyfriends."

"Yeah, but I don't want you to kill them... would sending you a pic like that be the right level of 'making you jealous' or would that be bad?"

"Good question. Honestly, it's borderline... but you know, babe, I kinda want it to happen. For real. I'd definitely want to see the pic."

Her finger accidentally dragged down her trackpad, jumping a chunk of pics. The next to scroll into view: a brunette nicely spit-roast; a dick in her pussy, another in her mouth. The caption: "This is what your girlfriend was born to do."

What did Lizzy do when she saw it? First she bookmarked the "IWMGFLT" Tumblr, then she dragged that pic off to the desktop.

"Is that what you were born to do?"

"Yes..." Her eyes closed and her breath caught. My cock deep inside, but barely moving, and she was coming.

I looked at the picture, and I looked at my slutty girlfriend... The picture was her. Not physically, but spiritually. So, so her.

"Elizabeth?"

"Yeah?" she squeaked.

"You're right..." It snuck up on me: the orgasm I'd been dodging. It snuck right out and joined hers, deep inside her. The buzz arced from my balls to my soul and it took my breath away.

Yeah, we had something special here.

I looked back at the pic. "...Lizzy, that is EXACTLY what you were born to do."