All Comments on 'After Hours Ch. 01'

What is missing in this story, otherwise interesting, is realism. Realism within the context of the story. It does not matter if the heroine (or any woman) is raped and orgasms. The pleasure does not negate the overwhelming sense of shame and helpless frustration at being violated and worse, to be forced to experience unwanted pleasure.

Another problem is that so soon in this situation, concern for the motives for this abduction and terror at the unknown should be the overriding emotions experienced by the heroine, besides the unwanted pleasure. This part ended so soon we still don't know what is the stated reason for the abduction and the heroine should have rained questions about this to her kidnappers, plus the obligatory desperate pleading.

I get that readers can get offended by a story, I don't get how they can tell anyone to stop writing. You entitled selfish readers should perhaps don't read any story outside the romance category.

I would very much like to read the next chapters, even if I personally like a slower pace.

I haven't published anything so my input is only about a reader's perspective. It was well written for the first half, besides the move from third person to first person switches, but you lost us in the second half. It progressed way too quickly. We had a narrative of the girl the first half and then BAM everything happens without much Ado. I think the reason it's rated at almost a 4 is because we would like this story, we just want more of a progression. Motives and relationship are obvious but not a relation to any charter. Nothing invested, which, you had started but it was lost as quickly as this story went. It feels rushed the second half. I think you could seriously make this great. Maybe take a minute to get into the "bad guys" head? It's mostly third person writing so I think as a reader, we expect more from all points. I have been working on a story for 3 years, so I'm not saying don't go with your gut, because I'm pretty sure that's how you're able to put out work that you stand by, but I do think you need to think about motives from all parties and where this would lead. It's just so well written in the first half that I was kinda let down in the second half. Non consent fantasy is all about unbelievable instances, if it was true, pretty sure none of us could stomach the realities of what that consisted of. It's a fine line in this section. We need real people we can believe in and semi real circumstance but no real consequences. I think this story just needs some tweaks and a couple more pages to get us to there. If this was just an "I saw you and took you" story, people would be less harsh but you had us invested from the start and just rushed us to a "what just happened" ending. If any of this makes sense?

I had no idea that the people on this site took these stories so seriously (it's fantasy for a reason and I'm not a professional writer) nevertheless I suppose that I could have and should have put a bit more time and effort into this story! Seeing as how I've received some helpful (and not so helpful/ rude) constructive criticism I'll go ahead and make some revisions! However I would like to point out that I still stand by what I stated previously! This story is not meant to be realistic, it's honestly just my own fucked up fantasy. To put it bluntly the less realistic that it is, the less guilty I feel! That being said I do enjoy constructive criticism as well as comments about the story and after reading over it again I would like to make some changes! I'll revise throughout the week and hopefully have a better chapter out within 1-3 weeks. Feel free to try reading it again later if you'd like! Except for you Mr. Anonymous who practically said the story is trash, you can fuck off :)

Keep going this has great potential

I was really getting into this. Love to see more.

Can't wait to see where this goes ;)

Here's the updated version of the story! Feel free to let me know your thoughts.

Your writing is such great quality, and this story is what my brain would make up if it could focus on anything. Love it, need more!!

Your works is too perfect to be called porn, make it longer and walla you make a very good and i mean it a very good novel, maybe try to make money out of it. Its so good

This is so interesting! I can't wait to read more of it.

Wow, I just finish reading what you have up and wow. Your writing is amazing and your detail is great. I will say I could put this under porn, because it’s actually have a great plot and it not cheesy like some of the porn I read/seen. My only suggestion is......Make more please. XD I look forward to see more.

Looking forward to more!

Wonderful!!!!!

Has caught my attention. Well written and I am looking forward to seeing where you take this.

I gave you five stars but I bet I would have liked your original version just as much. I say that because sometimes there's an enticement to 'spice things up' if my experience is anything to go on. Of course I might have it all wrong; perhaps you made your changes to pages 1 and 2 and page 3 was always as it is. I have to admit that I only skimmed page 3 so far. I was actually attracted to your story first, by your interesting user-name (so where are the poems) and second, I just thought the story was really well written - the setting came alive for me and I started to attach to your protagonist. The plot was of interest to me too because sometimes my fantasies follow along the same lines - unfortunately I only have certain moods for certain fantasies and it's not always easy to line them up like ducks in a row. Luckily, I can read this again at a future date but for now I can appreciate it as just good writing. I see you have only written one story per year for this publishing site. If you publish elsewhere, please put it in your profile. It's like having a baby though, isn't it. Nine months to grow it and at least 3 more to recover from the upheaval of birth. Lol. Take care. Keep writing.

The only thing that seems missing to me is a description of Beau's room. Both in comparison to her room and as a little more description of each brother individually. Maybe why are they in his room and not hers?

Good job. I rated 5 stars. Please write more.

While you’re enjoying this sick fantasy, imagine our heroine is your best friend, your fiancėe, your wife, daughter, mother, granddaughter, aunt, sister-in-law, anyone you know and love….