After the End Ch. 02

As usual, he seemed uncomfortable accepting praise. "You would have done the same."

"Maybe, but I have ten years of practice, so it wouldn't have been impressive."

"We should really get out of here," was his only response. "It'll be light soon, and they're sure to come after us then."

I checked his arm again. No new blood was seeping from under my hand, but it was too soon to know if the wound was stable.

"Can you hold pressure on this while you run?" I asked.

He nodded, so I carefully released his arm, and he took over.

"We'll have to stop in ten minutes. I still need to clean it, provided the bleeding is controlled. And you need to tell me immediately if you feel worse."

"Ok," he agreed.

I quickly gathered the team, and we ran back the way we'd come that morning, with a single guide-light on the dimmest setting. After about a mile, I called a brief halt. I was greatly relieved to see that Avery's arm was no longer bleeding when he removed the bandage.

"How's your pain?" I asked while I washed the gash thoroughly with water. Saline solution would have been safer, but undrinkable water was too heavy to carry around just in case of emergency. "All I have is morphine."

"I'll be fine."

Narcotics are easy to come by; non-addictive painkillers less so. Morphine would dull the pain, but also mental clarity and speed of movement. I understood that Avery preferred to deal with what must be a searing slash through his flesh rather than risk slowing our escape further. After quickly dressing his wound with a clean bandage, we ran again until the grey of early dawn showed between the blackness of the tree trunks.

There was no point settling in Red River Crew territory, so after rejoining those who had stayed behind to guard our gear and pack animals, we headed east. We saw no other encampments that day or the next, but with our original trajectory blocked, I needed more information about the area so that we could choose a secure position for the new permanent base. Around noon on the third day, I ordered our main body to set up camp, while I sent several smaller teams out to explore and report back the following evening.

With myself, I took only Avery. It had been a week since we'd spent our second night together, and I wasn't about to pass up a convenient excuse for some time alone with him.

We set off toward the northeast, where some promising ridges jutted out in the distance. The summer heat still hadn't broken, and even the clouds had deserted us. We didn't talk much in the beginning; the terrain was difficult, the humid air smothering. Avery's knife wound was healing well, but I was sure it still stung.

The sun was about an hour from the horizon behind us when we came to country that was more hilly and less densely wooded. The light slanting in gave everything a slight glow, softening edges and highlighting the leaves that had begun turning red and gold. It looked so peaceful, it was almost possible to believe in a future where we didn't have to struggle so hard just to survive. I'd long lost any expectation of it happening, but deep down, the embers of hope hadn't quite been extinguished. The calm, and Avery by my side, stirred a bit of life into them.

I glanced over at him. His features had the same soft glow as the autumn leaves, but I couldn't guess what he was thinking. We interacted easily in the context of the mission, but we'd spent so little time alone that in many ways he was still a stranger. There was so much we'd never had a chance to say, or ask about.

"Tell me something," I invited eventually.

"What?"

"Anything. Something I don't know about you."

He glanced at me through his dark lashes, then looked forward again self-consciously. "You first."

I hid a smile. It was one of the most alluring things about him, that he was fearless in the face of mortal danger, yet shy about his personal life. That he kept it so guarded made anything he chose to share more precious.

"Ok," I agreed, then thought about what to offer. "It's been a year and a half since my last tattoo, and I'm still going through withdrawal." Avery looked over with amusement, so I continued. "In Tacoma, getting inked was a normal Friday night. I got kind of addicted to it."

"What's it like?"

"It's painful, but very controlled. Like being stabbed or shot, but in slow motion, spread out over an hour. It can be soothing, in a way."

"I could see that," he said, seeming more comfortable now that I had gotten the conversation started.

"So, your turn."

He took a minute before speaking. "I used to read a lot, in Acadiana. Books from our community library. They say there were more on electronic devices, but those don't really work anymore. I've read about everything left on paper, but my favorites were science fiction."

"Like what?"

"Ender's Game." He looked over, and I waited to hear more. "Dune. The Left Hand of Darkness. Red Rising. 2001: A Space Odyssey. Out of the Silent Planet. Anathem." He paused. "Apparently, I'm into books that involve space travel."

"Those are all good ones."

"You've read them?"

I nodded. "I had a lot of time alone when I was growing up. Life on base is actually not that exciting compared to space travel."

Avery smiled. "Your turn?"

"Why don't you ask me something?" I suggested, glad he wanted to keep going. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Ok." He thought about it while we walked down another hill. "Before you came here, were you...with someone? Like a boyfriend?"

"I was with someone in Tacoma for a couple of years. He was very different from me. Friendly, and fun." The corners of my lips turned up. "He was a good guy, but our political opinions diverged, and when the rebellion started, he opposed us." I paused, remembering the bewilderment of discovering that someone I cared about could adamantly support a system so harmful. "It didn't end well. That was two years ago."

I checked to see how Avery was taking this information, but his expression was neutral. "What about before that?"

"I've only had one other committed relationship. I was young -- nineteen. He was a few years older; he'd been one of the lower-ranked training officers at school. He was kind to me, the first person I ever slept with. Once I got busy with command, we split amicably." He'd later died fighting in my rebellion, but I didn't mention that.

Avery didn't respond or ask any more follow-up questions, and I wasn't sure how to interpret his silence. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned being happy with other guys.

"What about you?" I asked. "Have you had many girlfriends?"

"No," he replied curtly. "None."

"Really? I've seen the way those women look at you."

He just shrugged.

"Hey." I lay a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I said too much about my exes."

"It's fine," he replied, watching the slope ahead, not sounding fine. "I asked; I wanted to know."

"It was all a long time ago."

He nodded but didn't say anything, so I released his shoulder. We walked on, and the sunlight grew more golden between the shadows that stretched before us.

"It was your turn," I prompted after a while, hoping I hadn't ruined the conversation.

There was more silence. "It's none of my business, but...were you involved with anyone else at Sabine Ridge, before me?"

I considered my response. If it upset him to hear about relationships that ended years ago, this might be worse. But I had promised to tell him what he wanted to know. "One person. Purely physical."

"Will you tell me who?"

"Avery, he didn't want anyone else to know about it."

"Is he on this mission?"

"No."

Avery searched my face, as if suspicious I was lying. What had I done to make him doubt my word? I might not be very communicative, but deliberate deception was not my way.

"Please just tell me. I won't say anything to anyone."

With a sigh, I gave in. "It was Gavin. The engineer."

Again, silence. Avery's stress level didn't seem to decrease.

"I know you've been with lots of women," I said. "Why does it bother you that I've been with other men?"

"It doesn't." His defensive tone said otherwise. I didn't know why it was acceptable for him to lie, when he always wanted the truth from me.

"So what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he snapped.

I took a deep breath, tamping down my frustration. So much for getting to know him better.

"We need to find somewhere to camp before it gets too dark," he said, closing the discussion, so I let it drop.

We stopped in a level, grassy place and went about our nightly routine -- setting up the tent, building a fire. Avery avoided my eyes, and I couldn't think of anything to say that would ease his wariness. I wished we could go back to earlier, when he was telling me about his favorite novels. Instead, we sat in silence on a fallen tree trunk while we ate some of the preserved fruit and meat from our packs.

When the fire started to burn low, I ventured to lay a hand on Avery's back. He didn't react at first, but he didn't move away, so I stroked across his shoulder blade, hoping my touch might reassure him where my words couldn't. He pulled in a long breath and released a little of his tension. Encouraged, I moved to the nape of his neck, combing my fingers through his dark curls.

He turned toward me then, and I curved my hand around his face, then slowly met his mouth with mine. He allowed me to caress his lips gently for a few moments, and when the kiss ended, he shifted closer, against my side. I drew one arm around him, being careful not to disturb his injury. He let out another slow breath.

I examined his face in the orange firelight, and he gave me one of those transparent glances that made me feel things I hadn't known I was capable of anymore.

I smiled at him. "You know I'm the same person when I'm not touching you, right?"

He ducked his head, but he reached for my free hand and took it shyly, his palm fitting against mine. Somehow, that small gesture of intimacy meant more than anything he could have said.

"I didn't realize you'd never had a real relationship," I said after a minute. "You're so popular, I figured you would have." I paused, but he didn't comment. "Surely there wasn't a lack of willing partners."

Avery shrugged self-consciously, but I could see the answer on his face.

"Did you not want to be committed? Or was there not anyone you cared about?"

He kept his head down, studying our joined hands. "Both, I guess."

I watched the sparking flames in front of us and skimmed through memories from our brief history together. Avery hadn't said much about what he wanted, but his behavior so far didn't suggest he felt casually about me. I didn't think he'd have left his home and friends over a crush. Then there was the way his slimly powerful body softened against me like this, hungry for affection. He trusted me enough to discard his usual armor of pride and bravado, and that didn't seem casual at all.

"It might be early to bring this up," I told him, "but if your interest in being someone's boyfriend has changed...I'd like to be yours."

He didn't lift his gaze, but a sweetly self-conscious smile crept over his features. "You -- you really want that?"

"Yes. But if you don't --"

"I do," Avery cut in. He finally tilted his face up, joy overcoming shyness, then leaned in to kiss me. He seemed to have no problem expressing himself with his lips once they were connected to mine.

When my mouth was available again, I spoke gently. "So why does it bother you that I've been with other people?"

"Julian..." he protested. He curved into my embrace and hid his face against my neck, keeping his hand in mine.

"Avery," I returned, resting my cheek against his thick waves, but he didn't answer. "Come on," I coaxed. "Can't you talk to me?"

He hesitated, seeming to struggle with himself. "Not about everything."

"How am I supposed to keep from upsetting you, if you just shut down and won't say what's wrong?" I pressed.

"I don't know." Anxiety was rising in his tone.

"Are you worried I'm going to cheat on you?"

There was a stressed silence. "No," he said finally, but I couldn't tell if he was just placating me.

"Then what is it?"

"Julian, please. I can't." Avery's throat was tight, his body tensed as if my questions were hurting him physically.

I sighed. This was clearly a hard limit, for whatever reason. "Ok, I'm sorry," I soothed, squeezing his hand briefly. "Forget it. Let's talk about something else."

Was it always going to be like this? Avery's fears a network of buried landmines between us, with him refusing to acknowledge them, let alone alert me to their location? Emotional pain was easy enough for me to inflict accidentally at the best of times. I didn't have a prayer of avoiding it with Avery if he didn't help me, and the further this went, the worse it was likely to be.

"Do you want to ask me another question?" I offered while he composed himself. "We didn't get very far earlier. Doesn't have to be anything personal."

He seemed calmer after another breath and straightened up beside me. "Would you tell me about your school? All we had were some old books and some teachers who didn't know much more than we did."

Avery stayed close to me at first while I told him about my classes and tutors, written exams and training exercises. At some point, we moved to the ground, so we could draw our feet up and rest our backs against the tree that had ended its long life in this clearing. After my education, he wanted to know about the military. It was late by the time he stopped asking questions and turned to face me. He brought a hand to my chest, tracing fingers across the tattoos hidden beneath my shirt, which I could see him picturing.

"Is it bedtime?" I asked suggestively.

His eyes flashed to mine. He got up and pulled me to my feet.

We stirred up the fire and added more wood. It mainly served to ward off animals; the nights were still much warmer here than I was used to this close to the autumnal equinox. We laid out our bedroll, and Avery stretched out, still clothed. His eyes held an unmistakable invitation.

I propped myself on my elbow next to him and stroked his cheek gently while he stared at me. It was hard to believe that this captivating boy had entrusted himself to me, despite the anxieties he didn't want me to see. I leaned toward the enticing curve of his lips and kissed him with purpose. He welcomed me immediately, mouth opening, head tilting back. I cupped the side of his neck so I could enjoy the galloping of his pulse.

"Have I told you yet how stunningly beautiful you are?" I asked.

His cheeks flushed adorably. "I'm not," he said, breaking my gaze, but I gently turned his head back. This wasn't my opinion -- it was objective fact.

"Yes, you are. You know the story of the Trojan War?"

He nodded.

"Helen's was the face that launched a thousand ships. But this face" -- I brushed fingertips along his jaw -- "could also start wars."

I kissed him again before he could contradict me, then slid a hand inside his t-shirt, stroking along the furrows between muscles as his abdomen contracted.

"And this body," I went on, "is so lean and tight and responsive, Paris himself would probably be jealous."

Avery kept his eyes on my face, as if entranced. To emphasize my point, I caressed my thumb over a sensitive place I had discovered at his hip. He gasped and twisted beneath my hand, pupils going wide.

"You make me so damn hard when you react to me like that."

I rolled on top of him, suspending some of my weight, but letting my hardening cock press against his through our pants. My hands framed his head as he stared up at me, breathing shallowly.

"Then there are your eyes. So expressive. Unforgettable."

"But they're brown," he said, amazingly still willing to argue about his beauty from this position. "Yours are much better."

I shook my head. I'd never understood the fuss about blue eyes. "Yours are rich, and dark, and they show me you. I wouldn't change them for anything."

He pulled my mouth to his, and we kissed hungrily, the thrust of his hips quickly filling out my cock. Soon, our clothing was scattered around the tent, all else forgotten in our passionate enjoyment of each other.