All Comments on 'After the Fall Ch. 02'

I rarely comment... But this series is lovely so far. Truly.

I'm loving this! Please continue!!

I love this story so far and hope to read more as soon as you release the next chapter. Sorry this is an anonymous post, the website has an issue and I'm unable to create an account for some reason. Anyways, love your writing! You're very talented.

Thank you so much, guys! You can expect the next chapter in about a week.

I have been waiting for this since chapter 1... thank you for writing some of the best porn I've ever come across. You are a godsend.

Sooner or later I need Mariah to realize she's pregnant from all the fucking. Michael seems like he would love some lactating tits and honestly so would I.

As a girl who finds it hard to ever find good porn, thank you for supplying material to women around the world ❤❤

Thank you, Adirin! I'm trying hard to balance sex with the plot. I spend a lot of time writing the sex scenes, so it's very gratifying that you enjoyed them. Michael would definitely like to get Mariah pregnant, and I'm sure he would be thrilled with lactation. Unfortunately for Michael, Mariah's not ready to be a mom. (Hint: There was a bag of herbs she brought with her in Chapter 1 when she was packing.) I've put your thought on a list I'm keeping for future stories outside of this series. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Yes, I had to read it several times before I found myself ready to comment. And noting the “interesting” collection of comments you have already received it’s clear that comments come in many shapes and sizes. At least they are all complementary and well that they should be.

Once again I love Mariah and hope to learn more about some of the other characters. I’m hoping they provide her with deeper insights into Michael and his persona. Because Michael is still a lump of clay. It remains hard for me to discern who or what he is and even more so, what he is going to become. Usually men with Michael’s approach to dominance are principled, self confident, focused men with a core set of values they won’t break. But Michael doesn’t have any of these traits. In fact he has proven himself (up to this point) to be the antithesis of this.

Example, “Once, he had seen a courier demanding sex before he would sell her the medical supplies she wanted. It had been weeks after that before he could bring himself to return to the video feeds”. Now I assume he stopped watching because he was disappointed, both at the guy who pulled that shit on her, and for her giving in. But then that same disappointing scenario he watched unfold, becomes exactly the plan he uses to gain intimate access to her. An absolute display of his lack of principles.

And in all the paragraphs before that example I used above, he noted over and over various reasons why he was certain “She would not have welcomed his advances”. But then follows that diatribe of justifying his personal and self righteous reasons to reprise the courier scenario with this nugget...”What did surprise him was the level of her attraction to him despite her clear preference to avoid intimacy”. WHAT...he is self aware enough to recognize she IS attracted to him without the bonds of their agreement. YEAH! We have a breakthrough...no wait...yep never mind...he simply tosses that nugget away and returns to his old I’m not worthy self.

One last one... He says, “You already know that people with the means were able to isolate themselves from the consequences of The Fall." "People like you," she reminded him. And he replies..."People like my father. At least that's how I've always thought of it. I suppose I should include myself in that category. Anyway...”. Still walking in dads shadow as a boy not a man. Not owning his responsibilities and accountabilities. Words like ... I should, I suppose, and Anyway ... are not used this way in the thoughts of a dominant. I repeat my note from last time, he acts like a bottom who is pretending to be a top.

These are not complaints just observations and as I noted before, I look forward to discovering the reasons why he is who he is at this moment. And watching him, with Mariah’s help, grow up and one day become an ashtray or a vase.

Great work and thank you for sharing.

Interested in her as a sex toy - check.

Interested in her mind - absolutely not.

He's selfish and shallow and it's disappointing to see how easily she becomes a mindless bimbo when he touches her.

Michael's a mess. You're going to want to demote him from potential ashtray status before he improves. In Chapter 3 (which I submitted last night), you will get some insight into his history of being a mess. You may also feel an urge to throw things at him. He really does have to get worse before he gets better.

The existence of conflict within his character is something I view as important. Without it, he would be irredeemable. One reason you may see what appear to be fluctuations in his level of awareness/decency is that you get to "hear" his inner diaolg, which tends to be self-justifying and self-deluding. He's quite capable of knowing the truth about something on one level while he tries to tell himself a more convenient story about it on another level. I may not have handled the use of his inner thoughts as clearly as I ought to have.

Don't expect him to conform to the dominant male archetype any time soon. My intention is to play with dominant tendencies in Michael and submissive tendencies in Mariah, but I wanted to do it differently than I typically see it done. It's possible that my effort to strike a more realistic and less black-and-white balance has muddled their roles. I hope you'll share your thoughts on their evolution in future chapters. It would help me evaluate whether the approach works.

Since I'm bashing Michael, I should mention that Mariah has some problems of her own. Her flaws will become more evident as the story progresses. Hers are more subtle and easily overshadowed by Michael's Michaelness. It's hard for her not to look like she's got it all together when she's standing next to him.

You continue to notice things I was worried might not come through to readers, and I love it! I don't want my story to be a constant case of "it will make sense later," but I do want to create a resonance between earlier and later story points. There are things written in to earlier chapters that I intend to reinforce later, but I also wanted them to be capable of being interpreted on their own when they appear.

The bit about the courier demanding sex for medicine is an example of that. I don't want to hit people over the head with the parallels right now, because Mariah's going to be hitting Michael over the head with it later.

Some of the other characters have more active roles in Chapter 4. They are never going to be a focus of the story, but you will get to see more of them and get to know them better. Some of them have their own little dramas, but they will remain supporting characters.

Thank you again for reading my work and especially for taking the time to comment. I hope you'll continue to enjoy the series, even though Michael is going to be maddening. I confess that I'm looking forward to seeing the abuse he gets in response to the next chapter.

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for taking the time to provide feedback. I'm sorry you aren't enjoying the story. You may find Chapter 4 more to your liking. (It is currently in the editing process.) I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel Michael isn't interested in her mind. I hoped that his habit of constantly trying to find out what she was thinking or feeling would convey that interest, although it may be secondary to his control freak problems. He is selfish. I hope that over the course of the story, it will be clear that he isn't shallow.

Michael is a deeply flawed individual. Mariah has her own set of flaws. I would like to be clear that neither Mariah nor any real woman is a mindless bimbo because she enjoys sex. That's true regardless of the circumstances. Mariah does not view sex as a purity issue. Her reluctance does not stem from a need to prove her "virtue" by resisting. Her reluctance is because she did not want an entanglement with Michael, does not want to be controlled, dislikes a great deal of what he stands for, and because of his current lack of emotional development. She made a deal that included sexual submission. She resists sometimes because it's just her nature to challenge him, but not because she feels a moral obligation not to take any pleasure from the act.

PLEASE get them to talk about this relationship more seriously, he needs to let her set some boundaries, otherwise there's a fundamental lack of respect. If he says she's his equal overall and only submissive in sex, but then demands sexualization so frequently in all kinds of situations at a moment's notice, then it's not really fair and he's not actually giving her a chance to say no when he should. They need boundaries!!! I hope she stands up for herself in terms of the separate bed and wins. It's fine that she enjoys the sex, it would be worse if she had to suffer during that, but it doesn't make it ok for him to walk all over her

Dear Anonymous Grrr,

(Hope you don't mind the new nickname! It's intended affectionately.)

Those are all things that are great advice for a relationship. If Michael and Mariah had a therapist, I'm sure the therapist would agree. This isn't a story about a healthy relationship, though. These two have a long way to go before they're ready to even discuss a lot of these issues. I'm editing Chapter 4 now, and Mariah is still vehemently avoiding any such discussion. Remember, she doesn't want a relationship. At this point in the story, it is an arrangement to her, and that's how she wants to keep it. Even though she's internally complaining about Michael's lack of boundaries, she isn't communicating anything more than vague irritation to Michael. Michael, as you've noticed, is oblivious to a lot of it. He'll become more aware of it, but I'm sure you can guess what the odds are that he'll fix it any time soon. I hope you'll bear with the characters as they develop. Thank you for explaining your reaction to the characters.

What has happened to Chapter 3?

Savai2, I'm so sorry for the delay. Chapter 3 should be out any time now. (Maybe even by the time this comment gets approved for posting!) I submitted Chapter 3 earlier, then discovered some errors and room for improvement and pulled it before it got published. I resubmitted it on Wednesday, May 6, 2019, so I hope you will see it up soon. (I promise not to pull it this time for more edits!)

I kinda stumbled on this story by accident. Its really intresting, i like all the backstory and interactions. There are a few interpersonal interactions that are not my favorite but it's really good. Feels more like a book with some good sex scens.

I'm happy that you happened to find the story! I'm also glad to hear you're enjoying the feeling of sex scenes included in a story versus a bit of story wrapped around a sex scene. I'm trying to balance both, but the story was important to me, and I'm always glad when people enjoy that part.

Please feel free to let me know what the interpersonal interactions are that you didn't care for, either here or through the feedback portal (either the "send feedback" option at the top of comments, or by clicking my author name from my profile page.) I realize that everybody's not going to like everything in the story, but I do like to know what people are thinking. Sometimes I look at something someone else pointed out and realize I'd also like to handle it differently in the future. It's a learning process for me, so input is very welcome. :)

I liked chapter 2 even more than chapter 1! The constant undercurrent of building tension throughout the chapter is so well done -- and I have to echo the earlier comment about Michael and his self delusion. He's a master at justifying himself to himself, and I'm glad we get to see inside his head with the semi-omniscient narrator.

I'm fascinated to see what "The Elites" (I can certainly imagine Jeff Bezos calling his friends that) are up to, and who this mysterious satellite benefactor is.

And damn was that scene in the barn steamy!

Thank you! The biggest obstacle to Michael's personal growth is his self-delusion. How can he fix something if he doesn't recognize that there's something wrong with it? It hasn't helped that he's spent so long cut off from interactions that would give him a reality check.

For me, The Elites are both absurd and disturbing. The absurdity is obvious. The disturbing thing is that there are people who view themselves this way. They view their success, whether it's earned, inherited, or lucked into, as a validation of themselves and their entitlement to sit above everyone else. I imagined that a post-apocalyptic world would not level the playing field. I think it would be more likely to exaggerate the impact of the disparity of the resources available to the ultra-wealthy and the rest of humanity. Having the resources in the beginning would allow them to control the playing field and increase their advantage further.

Glad you liked the barn scene! ;) After all the teasing over the course of the chapter, it was a bit of a relief to finally get Michael and Mariah to that point.

To be honest, I was so engrossed by the world building that I forgot to fap. You happen to know a lot about electric power, right? In case, I could give you some pointers, I am an expert in RL. In case you are interested, the best option would be to put the peasants to grow corn, convert it into ethanol and build an ethanol-powered power plant. That would be way more powerful than the pathetic output given by the solar panels, without the fluctuations. It would be also possible to upgrade or repair it with a little skill.

What happened to my comment?

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I was afraid you wouldn't, given your feelings towards the characters. I really doubted you would enjoy reading further, so I'm very pleased that you found other things to like about it.

I'm getting to the point in the story where a little advice about the electrical power could be very helpful. I don't really know that much about electrical power systems. I researched it, and happened to know a bit before that about how the power grid is set up because of the US Congressional reports on the foreign hacking of the power grid.

Would it be possible for the people in town to retrofit the existing powerplant to make use of ethanol? They don't have a way to power the equipment they'd need to construct a new plant. If it could be retrofitted, what would be involved, in general terms? Ethanol is a more attractive option in a number of ways if I can find a way to make it work technologically. There are a lot of obvious problems with the solar panel solution.

By chance I came across chapter 1 of this series and the world building really captured my attention. Chapter two was also very enjoyable. (Though admittedly, the synchronous twins were a bit silly to me.) I just wanted to leave a comment here to show my support. I will continue reading these.

You're very welcome! I'm happy you're enjoying it. Daniel and Amy coming off a bit silly may be the price of me having a bit of a private joke. They're inspired by a couple of kids I grew up with--a brother and sister who were a year apart but might as well have been twins. They seemed to work at finishing each other's sentences and talking at the same time. I always thought they were funny.

I hope you continue to enjoy the series.

I assume that you're giving very little internal conversation to Michael so we have no idea what he's really like? Hopefully something helps to make him somewhat interesting and not just the total twat he seems now. It makes me skim read just to get it over with :/ Sorry

i'm very curious what anime they were, well ignoring, I guess. Based on the description the only one I can come up with is Outlaw Star. Mildly obsesed with Japanese.