Afterwards

Peter stood fixed, looking at the grave. David, his best friend, was trying hard not to break down as he threw a handful of dirt on top of the casket. His daughter, Sarah, hugged him trying to stay strong for the pair of them.

Peter could hold on no longer, he sobbed uncontrollably. David moved across to Peter and hugged him. Men were meant to be strong and stalwart, but they both loved Linda so much.

"It's okay to cry, Pete, it's okay," David sobbed.

Peter hugged him, burying his head in David's chest.

"She was such a wonderful woman, Dave. The world's a little less, without her in it."

The rain started to fall and the mourners quickly dispersed.

Back at David's house, the wake was a sober occasion. Friends went over the good moments they had shared with Linda. Peter could see that David was getting more upset by the minute. The way Linda died was awful.

The cancer in her brain had been discovered too late to respond to chemo, and was inoperable. Peter had gone to hospital with David many times over the last few months of her life. He watched as the wonderfully cheerful woman, who had helped him cope when his wife died in a car accident, disappeared.

Towards the end, she didn't even know who she was, much less who David was. It was so cruel. David had lost his wife two weeks before she died. The last time they visited her, they were just leaving when she spoke coherently for the first time in weeks.

"Take care of him, Peter."

Then the light in her eyes dulled and she fell asleep. Later that night while they were in David's kitchen drinking tea, the call came from the hospital.

That was two weeks ago. As the wake ended, only Sarah, Peter, and David remained.

"Are you okay to give me a lift to the airport, Pete?"

Sarah had come back from Australia to attend her mother's funeral, but she had to get back to her young family.

"I told you, Sarah, I'm doing it!"

"No, Dad. You need to rest."

"I'll have plenty of time for that later. I'm not going back to work until Monday."

Peter decided not to go with them, and made his way back to his house in Harlow. When he arrived home, the empty feeling of the house struck him. It always felt like this since Ruth died. Now his friend would experience the same feeling.

He had been awarded six hundred thousand pounds from the insurance company for Ruth's death. He had paid off his mortgage and retired early. He was only fifty-eight, and Ruth's death had spurred him to do things he had always wanted to do.

One of those things was cross-dressing. He had seen men that dressed as women described as perverts and mentally ill in the Sunday papers. He resolved to stop doing it. Much as he tried, he couldn't.

When he was nineteen, he met Ruth. Soon after they turned twenty, they were married. Ruth was so upset when they found she could not have babies, she offered him a divorce. He had told her he would stay with her until the end of time. She was enough for him.

One night when she was out with the girls from work, she had returned home early. She found him wearing her underwear and a loose-fitting, red dress. After she got over her shock, she broke down crying. She told him she knew she was not woman enough for him. It was her fault he cross-dressed.

He quickly changed back, and swore it wasn't her fault. He promised never to do it again. He didn't. It was so hard to resist, but his love for Ruth saw him through. She had been dead for two years now, and he dressed whenever he was alone.

He had taken to having holidays at caravan parks on the Essex coast. He would list himself as a couple. The plan would be for him to get dressed and go out into the world as a woman. This was his ambition. He just wanted to be acknowledged as a woman.

Save walking to his car and back at night, he never found the courage to go out in the light of day. He always promised himself next time. He had started to put pictures of himself as Petra on adult-contact sites. He was shocked at the responses. There were so many horny men offering sex. Things had certainly changed from when he was young.

He enjoyed the exchange with many of them. He never answered the crude messages, just the nice, kind-sounding men. Answering questions from a female perspective, just made him feel more feminine. He loved being spoken to as if he were an attractive woman. This never really happens to men. He wasn't naïve, he knew most of them were trying to get into 'her' knickers.

He had met two men while he was away. He did not want any 'fallout', so only met while staying away on holiday. Both of the men had been charming and treated her like she was a woman. She craved this and responded to them. The encounters did end in her giving them sexual release. She found the idea didn't repulse her. She couldn't have done it while presenting as a man, but as a woman, it seemed natural.

Later that year, she had booked another break near Yarmouth. She had several men that wanted to meet Petra. Her favorite was 'sid22'. He had no profile picture, but his messages seemed sincere. He always signed off with a kiss. He told her if they met, he would not expect sex. He said he had always had a fascination for trans women and cross-dressers.

She arrived at the holiday park at four in the afternoon. She used Veet to remove all her body hair. After a good warm shower, she sat in the bedroom pulling on her stockings. After that, she stuffed her bra with her 'chicken fillets'. Her knickers felt wonderful as she pulled them up her smooth, stocking-clad legs. This always used to get her excited. Now it just felt 'right'. It was like a pressure valve being released.

Then came the makeup and wig, then finally her little black dress. She wore only two inch heels. She hoped Sid would be taller than her. She liked to look up at her men. By seven, she was ready. She had thirty minutes until Sid arrived. So she made herself a coffee and laughed when she saw the lipstick mark on her cup. Women's problems, she thought.

There was a knock on the door of the chalet.

"Petra, it's Sid, are you there?"

"Coming, Sid."

She opened the door and stood back in shock. Standing there in his best suit, carrying flowers and chocolates, was David. She stepped back from the door as he stepped in.

"Are you okay, Petra?"

He did not recognize her. She knew when she got the makeup right, she looked like a woman in her forties, so it shouldn't have surprised her.

"Err, please sit down, Sid. Do you want a drink? I have tea, coffee or beer."

"Here these are for you. You look more beautiful in person, Petra. I'm so glad you agreed to meet me."

David sat down on the sofa, while Petra made herself busy making them tea and putting the flowers in water. No one had ever given her flowers. It was an exclusively female gift. She felt... strange. Dave didn't recognize her. Should she get rid of him, or risk an hour or so, and hope the penny doesn't drop.

Something in her made her want to keep him there. She knew how lonely her friend was. He just needed company.

She sat in a chair opposite him. He sat on the sofa with his legs apart.

She had hers close together and pulled the hem of her dress over her knees modestly.

'Sid' told her that when he was in the army he had a date with a twenty year old man, who lived full-time as a woman. He had an attraction to trans women ever since. He told her he would never go with another woman or trans woman, while his wife was alive. He choked up when he told her that she had died recently.

Petra couldn't help it, she crossed to the sofa and wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh Dave, it's okay, she loved you. I'm sure she'd understand."

David pulled back. His eyes wide.

"Pete? Is that you?"

She had given herself away. She just saw her friend in pain and wanted to comfort him. She tried to stand, but her heel slipped on the stone floor. She fell back on top of David crying.

"Oh god! You must think I'm a pervert. I'm sorry. I didn't know Sid was you. Please don't hate me."

"No, Petra. I'm sorry I called you, Pete. You're Petra, and a beautiful woman."

"You don't mind?"

"We all have our secrets, Petra. Now you know mine. Please tell me how you came to be."

They chatted into the night. Petra brought out a bottle of Jack Daniels. As the whiskey took effect, they both relaxed and chatted. They discovered new things about themselves and each other. Before they knew it, they were close together on the sofa. David's arm wrapped around Petra's shoulder.

She felt something she had never felt before, physical attraction to a man. She loved David as a friend. That was when she was Peter. Now she felt love for him for being a man, as Petra. She noticed his strong jaw, his broad chest. She felt his strong arms pulling her into him. She gazed up into his eyes. So much pain and sadness, yet so much kindness.

She stretched her neck and kissed him gently on the lips. He responded and pulled her head closer to his. His tongue tentatively explored hers. Their breathing grew rapid. His hand gripped her thigh, feeling the lump of her suspenders. Her hand went to his chest and explored the greying hair.

"No! I'm sorry Pete. You are my best friend and I promised Petra this wasn't about sex."

They parted. Both realizing that the alcohol was clouding their judgement. It would affect their friendship if something like this happened while they were drunk. It would be something, one or both, may regret. Petra respected that.

"Well you can't drive home now, Dave; you've had nearly half a bottle of whiskey. Stay over and spend Sunday with me. Go home tomorrow afternoon."

"Thanks beautiful. Where do I sleep?"

"This is a one-bedroom chalet. There is only one double bed. If you promise to keep your hands off my knickers. You can sleep with me."

He seemed a little hurt at the remark.

"Petra, I wouldn't take advantage of you. I love Pete too much for that. I'm getting to know Petra and wouldn't want to upset her."

She could see he was serious, and she regretted her little joke.

"Come on, I have a spare toothbrush in my bag. Give me fifteen minutes to get ready for bed."

She soon slipped into bed wearing a dark blue, lace-trimmed, satin nightgown. Dave joined her after a few minutes. He was just in his underwear. She noticed his manly cologne as he covered himself with the duvet. Within minutes, he was snoring. Bloody typical man, she thought to herself.

Sometime in the night, she woke up. She felt Dave's arm around her waist. He was pulling into him spooning. She felt his hardness through her nightgown. He was breathing evenly; he was still sleeping. She realized he must have slept like this with Linda.

She thought about moving, but she was enjoying it too much. Being held by a strong man. She felt so womanly. It was like he wanted to protect her.

The next morning, Dave woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. It reminded him of Sunday mornings with Linda. Petra placed the tray on the bed next to him. Eggs, bacon, tomato, and fried bread.

"Wow, Petra. I've not had breakfast in bed since, since..."

"I know Dave. Please enjoy it. She did ask me to look after you didn't she."

He smiled sadly.

"Yes she did. Clever woman, Linda. Clever woman."

After breakfast, they both dressed. Petra was busy swishing around in a dark green knee length dress and high heel boots. She loved the feel of this domesticated scene. She felt like she was doing what other housewives were doing.

"What do you want to do today, Dave?"

"I want to take you for a walk along the seafront."

"What? I told you. I have only ever been out at night. I'm not convincing enough to pass in the daylight."

"You do realize that makes you a typical woman. I'm too fat. This dress makes my bum look big. You women are always running yourself down. Well, you look like an attractive, middle-aged woman Petra. I would be proud to have you on my arm."

"Do you really think no one will know I'm a man?"

"You're not a man, Petra. Remember you're a woman. Be confident and no one will give you a second glance."

She had butterflies in her stomach as she got out of David's car. She almost forgot her handbag.

"Come on Petra, put your arm in mine. Remember. All anyone will see is a man and his wife out for a walk."

As they strolled down the pavement next to the beach, she was aware of her clothing. The click of her heels, the feel of her skirt flicking across her nylon-covered legs. All these things screamed woman in her mind.

They walked past an old couple walking a dog. They nodded and said good morning. Soon they were walking past busy amusement arcades. Not one person gave them a second glance. This was a dream come true. She was in public and passing as a woman. Her heart filled with joy.

"Come on, let's get a drink. There's a pub over there."

"No, Dave, I'm too scared."

"Come on, you'll be fine. You can sit outside while I go in and get the drinks."

He squeezed her hand, and led her to the beer garden.

As she sat at the table she glanced nervously around. A man across the other side of the garden smiled and winked at her. Dave returned with the drinks and she relaxed again. She was really beginning to enjoy it.

"I wish this would never end, Dave. I wish we could stay like this forever. Just us. Me being a woman with her man."

"It could, if you want to. Why don't I stay all week with you? We can go shopping and I'll buy some more clothes. We can see how we feel about each other."

Possibilities exploded in her mind. The chance to play the part of Dave's wife all week. She would need some more clothes too. They could go to one of the bigger supermarkets and shop together. She felt confident in herself now.

"Dave, if it works out, I would love to be your woman full-time. If you'll have me?"

"Petra, I think I fell in love with you last night. All I've been thinking about is how we can do it. We could both sell our houses and move to the coast. Once we're there, no more Peter, only Petra. For the rest of our lives."

They stood to leave. Petra pulled David's face down to hers. They had a long, drawn-out kiss. It only stopped when the other customers in the beer garden started cheering. They both laughed and headed back to the car.

Petra felt dizzy. There was so much going through her mind. The possibility of a new life for both of them. They had both lost so much, but now they could gain so much. They were going to live the lives that they had secretly wanted. They had been good partners to their wives. Now they would be partners, and lovers to each other.

Petra felt like her life was starting anew. Now it was time for her dream to come true.