Ah... Honey, We Have to Talk Ch. 01

"How many deployments? How many temptations? How many lonely nights do you think she will endure before one day she succumbs? How long before some smooth operator crosses her path? She is only human, Jake."

"I deal with it," I replied. "And so do other military wives."

"You, 'deal with it' Jake," she made air quotes with her fingers, "because you have no choice. You are stuck in the middle of the desert most of the time, where women are kept under strict control by the muslim culture and the brainwashing. You have no access to women like soldiers did in other wars. I have talked to military people here in town. I know a couple well enough to know how things are for you. All I had to say was you were a special forces operator, and they told me what your deployments are like. To say I have had sleepless nights over it is an understatement. But let's get back to the lives of military wives back home."

"They all try to be true, Jake. Most anyway. I'm sure a few are honestly true. Maybe they are not good-looking enough to find a man. But let's face it. We women can get a man even if we are butt-ugly. A pussy is a pussy, and you men are so easy."

"You think so, mom?"

"I know so," she replied with a wave of the hand.

For the first time, I looked at my mother not just as my mom but as a woman. Mother had reinvented herself and made the best of what nature had given her and more. Her once brownish hair was now dyed blond and cut in a fashionable style that framed her still beautiful face. She wore contacts, so glasses did not diminish the alluring value of her green eyes.

And yes, she had her breasts augmented. Not overtly so, but I could tell she wore a flimsy bra under that blouse that was barely needed to corral her new breasts. Mom always had nice long legs. And being a fitness freak myself, I could tell she was on an exercise regimen to make them look better than they had some years back.

Add to that, her classy and stylish outfit and mom was a woman noticed by men and desired. It made me uncomfortable that I was looking at her as a man would. But it was the only way I could get a grasp of the person she had become and how she navigated the world she had made a successful life in.

"Jake, you need to understand the world from a woman's point of view. There are many kinds of women. But the type you need to concern yourself with is women like your wife, great-looking women. I had to work on my looks to become attractive. Your wife is twenty years younger than I am and naturally beautiful. She walks into a room, and people stop and stare - both men and women. She hardly wears make-up and looks stunning."

She was describing Leila accurately. And also the reaction to her by men.

"Women with those kinds of looks, and even women who are mere close to it, are of two types. Those that use their looks to open doors for advancement. And those who don't. I have been on both sides of that fence, Jake, and after years of toning my looks down around you kids and your father, I had enough. I decided to use what God gave me to open those doors and have fun in life. You may not like it, but I have enjoyed the last few years, and I refuse to go back because, frankly, it's too much fun."

I sighed at her comment. But my mind was on my wife and what mother had remarked about her stunning looks. Men would bend over backward for Leila if she gave them half a chance. For women, their looks were power. It unnerved me, but mom was right on target with her assessment.

"You just don't know. Most men don't even know what it's like to be a beautiful woman and have the pick of any man she desires. It's a power that few women who have it resist using at one time or another. Even good conservative family women will stick their chests out and unbutton a shirt when a male cop stops them for speeding. They may not use it to get men outside their marriage, but they will to get those men to do things for them. And they definitely use it to manipulate their husbands for what they want from him - to various levels of success."

No matter how much she had changed and moved on, the way she said that last part, I could tell she felt that she failed to entice my father as a woman. It had to hurt.

"But those of us who embrace that power, Jake live very comfortable lives. We enjoy meeting and bedding wealthy and powerful men. For sheer pleasure, we find the best-looking men and virile men. Then we discard them if they are not good enough between the sheets. It doesn't matter to us because there is always another man willing to warm our bed and be our arm candy."

Maybe she was right. Most of us men are easy. If a beautiful woman makes it available, we pounce.

"This is the kind of power few men have, Jake. Handsome sports celebrities. Gorgeous actors. Attractive politicians and handsome, wealthy men. These men are the few that know what we beautiful women know and have. You are a war hero, my lovely boy, and a dreamboat to boot. Women swoon when they see you -- just as our receptionist did. But even you, at the peak of your manhood and all your handsomeness, will never experience what it is like to be desired and wanted by so many of the opposite sex that they will literally toss themselves at you."

"That my son is power. It is the ultimate temptation - more so than the promise of good sex. Because with that power, good sex is bound to come your way one way or another. I have had that power and still do. I will NEVER give it up. Nor will I limit myself to just one man. Not anymore. Not until I am in my sixties, probably. Oh yes, it is that addicting and that satisfying."

"But let's get back to your lovely wife, Leila," Mom said with a smile. "She, as we said, has all the female attributes of that top five percent of women. I have to say, Jake, you hit the jackpot with her. Beautiful, up-tempo libido, and totally in love with you. But..."

She stopped for effect. And I knew exactly what she was implying.

"I get it," I replied. "You think Leila is like you. Well, she is not. Unlike you, mother, Leila is loyal and would not cheat on me."

"Hm," mother nodded with a knowing smile. "You think so?"

"I know so," I replied smugly.

"And why do you think your lovely and gracious Leila took the kids and hightailed it back to mom and dad in Ohio?"

"She was lonely and wanted to see her family," I replied.

Yes, I did reply to my mother with the smugness and arrogance of my youth. But deep down, I was beginning to weigh what my mother had been saying the last few minutes. Leila is indeed that gorgeous. She has the curves, the legs, the breasts, and the face to stop traffic cold. If Leila had not decided to make the army her life and meet me, she could have been a beauty pageant contestant, a TV personality, a model, or a movie star.

"You may not know this," mother continued. "But your wife and I have been talking often since you have been away. She has told me about her hypersexuality. How only cock in her pussy sates her needs. That her dildo helps a bit but leaves her wanting. How you are hung like a horse at eight inches, and she misses your... attention?"

"OK, mom, we are going too far here," I said because I still saw her as a mom. Or what moms were "supposed" to be in the Midwest moral world I had been brought up in.

"Oh yes, she told me all that," mom continued before she leaned in to whisper so only I could hear. "And she has been telling me about the men hitting on her. Yes, Jake, some of your buddies from the base who know you are deployed have been circling like vultures hoping they score."

That unnerved me. I knew that the Jodies of the world were in each base or around it. And the worse of all were fellow servicemen who picked married women targets and pounced when the hubby was deployed.

"I see you are paying attention now, aren't you Jake," she said, waving the bartender for another drink. When he gave it to her, I tried paying, but she waved me off. "I have a running tab here she replied. I like the food and the drinks, and my condo is across the street. Plus, there is a good-looking waiter here I occasionally invite to my place. He is so gifted."

"Mom, please stop," I said, shaking my head. She was getting to me.

"Shut up," she said with a smirk. "You have fought in combat and killed men, but hearing that your mother has lovers hurts your feelings? Oh, boo-hu. Man up and deal with it. Unless you want to be a basic male, like your father. Yes, don't make that face with me. Your dad is the epitome of basic, as in boring. I think he may know three positions in bed if that. Is that what you do? Or do you give that gorgeous wife of yours a good fucking around the world? I see you are getting a bit cross with me. Well, good!"

It took all my self-control not to get up and walk out. But I realized what mother was doing - pushing me to think. She was always good at that.

"I hope you understand now. Leila left to go to mommy and daddy where she is safe from the bad man who has been trying to seduce her and almost succeeded."

She nodded to me repeatedly and then gave me a cold stare.

"Now, you listen to me, Jake. I want my son to have a good life and a long-lasting marriage, so my grandbabies are not cast to the wind as their mother divorces you, gets custody, and takes the kids away from our family. That means you... yes, you... have to step up and do what you have to do to keep... how do you army guys say it? Oh yes. Keep Jody away."

I winced.

"You know who Jody is?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied. "The mythical other men. The one lurking to get your girl while you are at war or away. See, I did my homework, Jake. I did it because I love you and my grandbabies. And because your wife is a sweetheart who deserves better than a slug for a husband who got complacent. But your sweetheart has a cunt problem. She needs it filled, Jake. Now, the question is... who is going to fill it for her? You, or Jody?"

I sat frozen on my barstool as my mother stared at me then downed her drink in one shot.

"You are welcome," she said and stood. "Our table has been ready for a few minutes. I just wanted us to finish this lovely tête-à-tête before we ate."

To say I had lost my appetite would be an understatement. Mom ordered a seafood platter for me and a salmon dish for herself. I picked at it while we chatted about my sister Nancy and her latest boyfriend. Mom thought he was a dud. The way she talked about him, I could not help but laugh along. But my mind was on what she had said previously.

"Mom, I know what you said before has merit. So since you went this far in identifying the problem, how about you give me your view on a possible solution? You know... the female perspective that I seem to lack in experience there off?"

Mom swallowed, took a sip of her water, and thought about it for a minute.

"You mean you are asking advice from your slut mother?"

Oh, she was going to make me work for the advice.

"I never said that," I replied.

She rolled her eyes, then shook her head.

"But you thought of it," she replied. "And you would not be wrong, Jake. I am a slut and quite happy with it. Any commentary on that?"

"No, mom, just... go on... please," I tried not to laugh.

"Not until you say it, Jake."

"Say what?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Not until you say: my mother is a slut."

"No, I'm not!" I replied, shaking my head in refusal.

"Then no advice," mom replied and went back to her salmon.

"Mom, why are you doing this?" I asked.

"To teach you a lesson," she said, swallowing first. "You came here thinking of me as the slut who did your father dirty. And I have about admitted to it. So what is the problem with you saying my mother is a slut?"

"Because..."

"Did I raise a pussy?" she asked, pointing her fork and knife at me.

"Hardly," I replied.

"I think you are," she said and took a sip of her water. "It's a simple phrase. My... mother... is... a... slut."

I looked at her in disbelief and shook my head with a grin. Oh, bloody hell...

"OK, you win. Mymotherisaslut," I said quickly. "There...you happy?"

"OH...my...Gawd!" she replied, shaking her head at me with disapproval.

"OK... fine," I said and then stared at her. "My... mother... is a slut. Now... can you give me some advice on how to prevent my wife from turning into a cheating slut? Please?"

She smiled in victory.

"Oh... that?" mom said, sitting back pushing her finished salmon plate back. "Fuck her."

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused again.

"Go home, and you know... fuck her. Fuck the shit out of her. Fuck her in every hole and as many positions as you can think of. Like I said. Simple."

"That's it? Just go fuck her?"

"Yeah," mom said, sipping her water like she was the queen of England, with style. "Whatever you do, do not make love to her."

"But I love her?"

"You asked for advice, son. I gave it. Skip the make love crap and fuck the shit out of her. And you know why?"

"OK, I'll bite... why?" I asked in frustration.

"Because that's what that guy from your base who was trying to seduce her was planning to do. Fuck the shit out of her. He told her he would, and she told me. Now I'm telling you."

"That's your advice based on what that asshole said to Leila?" I was getting pissed off by now.

"Jake, you asked the woman's point of view. Well, here it is. A woman like myself and your wife needs the fucking. If you fuck us good first, you can maybe make love to us in the end. Although I rarely let a man do that to me and invite him back. I mean, I want to get fucked. I'm not in love with any of these guys. Anyone who tries that shit with me is history."

"Too much information, mom," I replied.

"I see you are twelve again?" she mocked me. "Again, say it."

"Oh fuck, mom, seriously?"

"Think of me as your marital drill sergeant correcting you."

"Did you date a drill sergeant to learn all this army stuff?"

"Maybe," she replied but was nodding yes. It was too close to mimicking a blow job.

"My mother is a slut. OK, please stop that. People are watching."

"Good, that should teach you to grow a pair and accept the fact that I am not your mommy anymore. I am your slut mother. It's what I do, hon... deal with it."

"OK, so if I don't pussy out on you and accept your... slutish-ness? Is that a word?"

"No, but I get your point," she replied. "So back to the advice. You need to be the one fucking your wife. For now..."

"What?"

"Jake, I know your IQ is not to my level, but you are not that far behind. Please try to keep up," she mocked me with a smirk.

I nodded in frustration and waved her to continue as I managed to take a bite.

"You can fuck her for now, Jake. It will do for a while. Then you need to get out of this going away business. If you keep that shit up, she will be banging other men. I can guarantee you that. But even if you stay and get a normal job, sooner or later, you and her will tire of each other. You will still love one another, but you will go through the seven-year itch thing. It may be you that goes through it first, but rest assured, she will eventually."

"Great," I replied. "So I have that to look forward to?"

"Yes, you do," she replied thoughtfully. "It's inevitable, hon. I went through it, and even your asshole father did as well. Only I don't know if he fucked anyone on the side or what he did. All I know is that when he was around his mid-thirties to his early forties, he would stare at other women... a lot!"

I said nothing then and chose to let her ramble on. I say that, but she actually had a point.

"Look, son," she picked up where she left off. "Sooner or later, it will happen to you both. You will look at your life and wonder if this is all there is. You'll get bored with one another and will wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It's normal."

"It's normal," I repeated without thinking.

"Are you OK, or are you going to repeat everything I say?"

"OK, mom, stop mocking me. Just explain it to me."

She smiled, knowing she had pushed me just enough to stop. She was proud of herself. You know how parents get when they make their kids laugh at their joke or show them they know how to use tech. Yeah, that. She did that.

"When that happens, you need to let her fuck someone else."

"What!" I was stunned. Then I held back, not wanting to repeat the "my mother..." thing - again. "OK, explain."

"Look, it's better to do it in a controlled situation than for her to go get it behind your back by cheating and betraying you," mother said. Only she was no longer mocking me or taunting me. "Hon, it's not about her not loving you or looking to replace you. It's about just doing someone different. Knowing she is still desirable that another man can give her a good time. Even if he is not as good as you."

"Mom, no offense, but you expect me to let her go fuck some guy and be OK with it?"

"No, silly," she said, looking back at me like I was a moron, "you fuck his wife. Preferably in the same room."

"You are saying we should...."

"You asked, and yes, I am saying you should. Not all the time. Just occasionally. Some couples are into that. I know a few."

"You know a few?"

"Yeah, there is one couple not far from where I used to live with your father. There are also swinger clubs and such. But yes, I can refer you to them."

I smiled inwardly, realizing that mom was probably talking about the swinger couple down the street from dad's place. Small world, eh?

"Mom, this has been the weirdest conversation I have ever had."

She giggled and picked up the check when the waiter brought it.

"My treat Jake. Welcome home. By the way, tell your father I know his investigators are searching for my money, and they will never find it all. I have left a million for your dad to find. But the rest I am keeping. I know he got paid plenty already. Tell him that if he backs off, I'll give him two million for old times sake, and that's it."

"You have that much?" I asked incredulously.

"Please," she scoffed. "I'm good at my job, and there is nothing like investing with rich peoples' money."

It was my turn to laugh.

"Why don't you tell Dad yourself?" I asked.

"I'm not ready to face him," she replied.

***

Back to my wife

I made it to Ohio around ten that evening. It had been an exhausting day, and it was topped with Leila's entire family meeting me at the airport with a big limo. I never knew her father owned a limo service. They were not rich, but they were comfortable.

It was a typical homecoming for the soldier husband. Lots of hugs, playing with the kids, talking to her family, and then it was time to go to bed. I was tired but did not want to make my wife go without. My mother's advice was in my mind.

"Hon," Leila said. "Mom and dad will take care of the kids while you and I go to a hotel for the night. Is that OK?"

Who was I to argue? So we took an overnight bag and drove to the hotel. I fell asleep on the way there and managed to wake up and go to bed when we got upstairs. Leila just cuddled with me and fell asleep first.

I woke in the morning needing to pee. Quiet as not to wake her, I got up and went to the bathroom. A pee turned into washing hands and brushing teeth. Then I took a shower, but before I finished, Leila came in with me. That was a fun way for us to begin our day-long fuck-a-thon. It turned into a weekend-long debauchery fest during which I went around the world with the lovely and gracious Leila.

For some reason, Leila decided to be very slutty and fuck my brains out when I wasn't fucking hers in return. We had then finally made love once when she lay back after eating her room service meal. It was then I decided to be an asshole.