Alexandria's Dungeon Session AMA

Hello everyone!

So, for those who didn't see my updates on some of my socials, yesterday I visited a dungeon for the first time and had my very first (proper) submission/masochism experience! A little background before I get into my experience though.

I've been into BDSM longer than I'll say (beginning with a porn addiction) and have always been a "forever dominant" for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, I was afraid submitting would harm my "masculinity" or "emasculate me" (thank you conditioning/grooming for convincing me so hard I was something I wasn't) and that if I enjoyed it I wouldn't be the same afterwards (that part was true). I also had a rather abusive upbringing, so I worried a lot about how I'd handle pain (especially spanking), humiliation, degradation, etc. These factors along with never seeking a partner that was dominant kept me from entertaining submitting. When I started writing erotic short stories off and on about eight years ago, I always wrote from a submissive female's perspective and didn't really think much about it, justifying that it seemed more interesting, easier (somehow), and (especially) more fun.

When I started writing my first book, Wrong Side of the Bed, a little less than a year ago (about four months into my medical transition and almost a year after my realization that I was transgender), it wasn't a question for me to start the story with Elva's perspective (the submissives) and write Saoirse (her dominant) and the other characters' sides along the way. While working on Chapter 13: Home, however, I started getting more hung up on how well I write a submissive/masochist (not to mention my increasing hangups on writing someone with a natural vagina who's generally more physically sensitive than myself) and it became a block I needed to work through. Then, after writing Chapter 14: The Sinful Tormentor and Chapter 15: Trade Secrets, something hit me that I enjoy visualizing what Saoirse does to Elva and trying to imagine how it all feels excited me (my self-bondage experiences over the last year weren't a clue).

It was basically the next day I was contacting a dominatrix I met a few years ago (I'll refer to as De, she/her) to see if she could top/dominate me the week of my birthday. While we discussed details over the last three weeks (and the demonstration I agreed to take part in at the convention this coming Friday), I started visualizing all the possibilities of what could happen and I quickly realized that, not only was my "forever dominant" persona a complete falsehood, I was comfortable with a lot of things being done to me given a safe and trusting environment. There was a brief time after we discussed initial details when it seemed like our plan wouldn't work because De sold her studio during COVID and neither of us had a private space. I crashed hard, feeling ashamed that I confessed my deepening desires with someone and worrying that it was for nothing, but a fellow kinky friend helped me out of that hole the next day.

This last Saturday, De finally found a safe play space and we agreed to meet yesterday; words really can't describe how giddy I was to learn that I would have my growing itch scratched, especially since I expected the session to be later in the week and certainly not the day before my birthday. Per her instructions, I brought every toy/gear/implement I could and was comfortable with trying, which ended up stuffing a large duffle bag; even then I had to carry the attache case for my violet wand and my change of clothes in a second bag. When we met, she talked to my spouse (they/them) and I as equals before we played and even during the session she treated me with respect. I will say part of me wishes I got humiliated/disrespected a bit during the session itself, but I'm hardly complaining for my first experience!

We had enough time in our two hour session to have three scenes, but before we began, she asked me to strip so she could cuff and collar me. Already the tension was so low that I felt comfortable taking off all my clothes and showing her my body. All the while as well she respected my identity, pronouns, and preferred terms, even calling my p*nis my clit, which helped more with my dysphoria than I thought it would (it even makes looking at the photos easier for me).

Our first scene was a spanking scene where De had me bend over a padded table while she tested various implements on me. After warming my body up with some caresses, she first used leather gloves to spank me and I was very thankful that bottom-spanking was fairly enjoyable. The whole time she would check in with me and ask "where's my pain on 0-10" or "how close to yellow am I", which helped with my comfort a lot. Next she used a wooden paddle on me, which was admittedly one of the more intense pains I felt yesterday. By the end of using that implement (especially after several very strong strikes), my whole body was tingling (especially my arms and hands), I was gradually starting to sweat and heat up, and my breathing was definitely irregular, choking with the strong strikes. After that, she used a heavy, leather mop-style flogger on me which was a pleasant experience; the strikes on my back hardly hurt while those on my butt had a nice thud and it felt more like a massage than anything. Afterwards she used a leather paddle which was much easier to take than the wooden one before using the heavy flogger a little more. The next implement was a smaller flogger made of silicone, which had more of a sting but was very manageable. Next was a wide, wooden cane which definitely hurt as much (if not more) as the wooden paddle, but I was able to handle a few strikes before she finished the scene with her bare hand and the mop flogger. The whole time as well she would compliment me: "how well I was doing", "how soft my skin was", "how cute my butt was", "how nice the shade of red was becoming", which all added more to my comfort and even impacted my confidence in my body and self.

When we moved to the next scene, she first put a vibrating egg in my rear before mummifying me in plastic wrap. The experience of getting wrapped up was terribly fun, especially the "geisha walk" I had to do to reach the table I was previously leaning against. Once she helped me on the table and adjusted my position (i.e. dragging me with a tablecloth), she first cut holes for my breasts and clit before teasing me with the vibrator. She strung up my genitals in rope (ALWAYS carry EMT scissors when you work with rope! They weren't used for safety, thankfully, but she was able to cut her rope to manageable lengths with the pair I brought) before attaching vibrating rings to them, leaving those on throughout most of the scene while demanding I ask my spouse for permission to cum (I never did or got close, but I'm not complaining). I was left to simmer for a bit and the whole time I was unintentionally fidgeting almost just like Elva would, even scrunching my toes together like I describe her doing. De next put clothespins on my areolas and used a violet wand on the exposed parts of my body, which really added to the sting in my nipples. I ended up being a little too sensitive to try the clover clamps we both brought, but I'm definitely not complaining about that (I may have yellowed out with how "submissive" I was feeling). She then teased me with a vacuum pump and then a magic wand all over before untying part of my genitals. She tried using some vacuum tubes I'd brought on my nipples, but it was a cheap set so they didn't work well enough and instead she went back to clothespins. However, when she moved on to put clothespins on my labia, I finally had to yellow out after one pinched me wrong. The scene didn't last any longer after that, as the rope on my genitals became uncomfortable next and I was sweating PROFUSELY under the plastic wrap.

Once I was out of the mummification, we ran into our first and only serious issue: the dungeon we rented didn't have any towels/linens and in the chill air I was shivering uncontrollably with my cold sweat. The tablecloth I had been laying on was the only wrapping we could find and, for a few minutes, I tried to dry/warm myself with some success. We decompressed a bit during this time before moving onto the next scene, and arguably I should have waited a bit longer to warm up; it ended up working out in the end at least.

For our final scene, De bent me over a tall sawhorse and cuffed me to the legs. Arguably, things were already off; I immediately asked for my back to be covered by the tablecloth as I began shivering again before we even started playing, and even then the sweat-drenched parts of the cloth nearly worsened my chill. We both felt safe to proceed, though, so after taking the vibrating egg out of my butt she warmed me up with the smaller dildo I'd brought. With the suction base attached to a magic wand it was very pleasurable, but when De held the wand against herself and commented how good it felt I definitely fell into the play. I was ordered to warm up my favorite dildo using my mouth, which I was very eager to do with my spouse's help while De continued to work my ass. When we finally moved on to said favorite toy, it was a little uncomfortable and I thought I just needed a little more "warming up" first, which De was happy to accommodate. Even after I was "warmed up" and could take it, I was still too tense to really enjoy it and we realized it was because I was shivering more and more. We decided to move on from penetration and De attempted to redirect the scene with some light paddling and spanking, but (to my COMPLETE surprise) we only had 15 minutes left when my spouse checked the time. We all agreed it was best to call the scene there and actually get me warm before we had to pack everything.

I was swiftly untied and allowed to dry myself with the tablecloth as best I could before my spouse retrieved the sweater dress I'd brought to change into afterwards. I don't ever think I've felt so warm so quickly as when I put that on, but even then my shivering was still quite terrible. We had our exit interview while De and my spouse packed up and I continued to warm up, but soon I was able to help as well. Our talk only helped and further cemented this as a positive experience that I can only look forward to exploring in more depth.

I feel all the more confident in myself after this amazing experience and so much more sure of my decisions and the course in life I'm taking. I feel more connected with my characters than ever (Elva most especially, my precious lost innocence) and even assured that I've been writing fairly well until this point. I'm so much more ready for the demonstration on Friday and whatever else may happen at the convention, as well as all the future experiences I may have with De and all future submissive experiences. I feel even more prepared for my career as a sex worker (having already started at writing erotica) and ready to branch into BDSM modeling and even pornography (I even have a desire to work out and improve my body for the first time in years).

I can only say I left the dungeon yesterday changed for the better and more ready for my future than I've ever felt before. So, without further ado, please ask me anything!

With love,

Alexandria