All Comments on 'Alex's Story: The Betrayal Pt. 02'
by jneric2691
- 22 Comments
Anonymousover 5 years agoNo ideas around what happened in that story. No conclusions to ant of the story lines. Too many characters for such a short story. Very confusing all around
jneric2691over 5 years agoAuthorYes, now that it's up, I do realize that a paragraph was repeated. Also some other mistakes that I'm going to try and edit out and try to re-post it. For me this is a big especially for a first.
I want to thank those, whom have read it so far.
Anonymousover 5 years agoBut the story turns into a mess at the end because of his inability to distinguish between reality and delusion. Suggest an editor.
SomeDamnedDudeover 5 years agoThere are a few mistakes here and there, mixed up words loose and lose were confused a few times, but I like the style, I felt that the depth of the detail during the "nightmare" scene added to the feelings it generated. Have someone edit it then send it back to you for your approval and resubmit it to replace it, do it to both parts. You have a great story here, just polish it up a bit.
Keep writing, you do it well!
jneric2691over 5 years agoAuthorI've heard horror stories about an author sending his story to an editor and it took forever to get it back. I know that many, if not all, volunteer editors are authors themselves. That makes me feel bad I'm jamming someone else up when they're trying to get their story out. One thing I have learned shorten the title by 9 characters encase you have to EDIT
I also I notice on the first part of the story Literotica linked to the 2nd part, the only problem is when you click the link it takes you to the 2nd page of the 1st story. Talk about chasing you tail.
burrito54over 5 years agoWould really love to read more chapters of this story. Keep up the great work
burrito54over 5 years agoWhat a great story, can't wait to read more of this story hope there will be more. Keep up the great work
Anonymousover 5 years agoI not sure what has happen but this chapter looks exactly like chapter 1 has it been over written? or am I missing something?
Anonymousover 5 years agoWhy have you just reuploaded chapter 1 and called it chapter 2??
jneric2691over 5 years agoAuthorFor those of you that keep sending me the Anonymous feedback about this being a repeat chapter. YES! it freaking is!
1. Before I submitted, it was suppose to be the first chapter to Alex's Story Chapter 1 The Betrayal. During the writing, the initial fight scene was one or two paragraphs long. So I went back over and fluffed the entire scene till I became sick of it. When I was finally happy with it, (and admittedly it is over the top with an element of Urban Fantasy, since that's what I'm hooked on reading at the moment.) I decided to post that part as Part 1, just so I would leave it alone.
2. I worked on and completed the now titled Part 2, that which is above this comment. I thought This is fine, I have read enough multi-part stories to know that Literotica links them together. Imagine my surprise when this was not the case. I bet you can't guess what the feedback that I started getting was about,... have you guessed? You're going to love this; I read Part 1 where is Part 2, or my favorite, I've read Part 2 where is Part 1. ( I guess this is where I get a little nasty) I'm already upset that the 2 Parts are not linked, but even as much of a DUMBASS as I am, know that at the bottom of every story (can you see me pointing? It's right there! I have my finger right on it.) Below the story is byjneric2691 and clicking on that, will take you to my submission page.
3. Getting tired of that, I now got into editing the posted story. I learned Not to make the DAMN title so long. So, after getting this feedback, took Part 1&2 and edited them together. I thought this would solve the problem. Now, I didn't feel right dumping Part 2 because of the readers that liked this Part. In the end, you guessed it, Feedback: this is a repeat chapter. (Calming down) I went to the FAQ to find out how to remove a submission, following what it said, I asked to have Part 2 removed. (Have you guessed it yet?) It's... still... freaking... there!
When I finally get Chapter 2 done, I will edit it into Part 2 and continue each story as Parts.
Thank You for reading my story.
jneric2691
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoI really enjoyed the story, was abit confused about pt 2 but all in all a good read.
Will you be adding on the the story? What happens after he gets home? The foursome and more?
Wolf_Man_1962about 4 years agoThanks I'm glad you explained it, totally makes sense. I hope you haven't given up on this story, it's a good one. I look forwas to reading more of it. Good job 5*
jneric2691@jneric2691
