All Comments on 'Alice Ch. 01 - New Girl'

More please!

Can't wait for more

I don't know... O'henry may not be amused ... also reminds me of a" hippy" story from the 70's ; on the other hand I admit to enjoying it....

Hope it works out for them!

5

Good premise.

Good buildup.

But once the sex started it was practically over before it began.

She could have played with/teased/edged his cock extensively, making him enjoy her hand/s before she made him cum.

There was no involvement of any of her body other than her hand and mouth as a recepticle for his cum.

Three stars.

I love a good Damsel in distress story, and this is starting to be really good.

A story well told. A slightly different plot with two nicely defined characters. The internal and external dialogue was excellent and added greatly to the story. The meeting between Alice and Frank was out of the ordinary and his treatment of her was in keeping with his personality. His buying her clothes and having her hair and nails done Added to their relationship which led to his apartment. Alice not knowing his name and location was a neat additional and interesting detail. A major flaw was the lack of a meal, after the description of why he had cooks around. They dressed for a meal, had sherry, and went to the couch, but there was no meal. The fellatio was a different way to end this part of the story.

I loved it - 5 stars. Please continue.

A really great set up. I hope you continue the story.

This is a very sweet story and I love the homeless angle with his altruism. I do volunteer work with a group that mentors recently housed formerly homeless people, particularly those who had been homeless for at least two years. It’s a challenge both for them and us! But, of course, I am only allowed to work with other males for the obvious reason illustrated herein.

But you absolutely need an editor. This lovely story is filled with misspellings, missing words, malaprops, anachronisms and grammatical mish-mosh. In particular, I loved when Alice took a sip of a college town in Illinois (Champaign as opposed to champagne).

Can’t wait for more. Hoping it’s better crafted.

ok, but you really need some one to proof read and correct the errors. they detract from a nice story

Great writing, Frank is being very respectful to her, looking forward to part 2!

Alice and Frank can make each happy.

Overall a great story, just need some proofreading to put it over the top. Things like from instead of form and Frank's apartment instead of Ranks apartment

A good 5 stars, I'd love to see how far you take this, I think it could be a winner.

Enjoyable ‘feel good’ story with interesting characters. There were a few typos, but they didn’t really spoil the flow. Champaign is a town, and Champagne is French sparkling wine; unfortunately they are both capitalised so spell-check doesn’t get them.

Outstanding, very considerate of others that needed a break in life without taking advantage of another persons situation.

Oh, the humanity! In a good way. Very nicely done. Couple spelling incorrects/typos but otherwise well written.

Interesting. Frank seems too good to be true but I like to think that guys like Frank are still around. A young woman in Alice's situation seems all too possible. A nice start; let's see where it goes.

Very cool story. I’m not a senior citizen, but it reminds me of a girl that I helped once who was going through a really tough time.

Fritz, thank you for the plaudits. It's been a pleasure to help you improve your stories! Looking forward to seeing further chapters to review!