Alice Cinderella Pt. 01

She threw me my underwear, then paused. "But really Ali, you look fantastic, you should stay as you are."

The alcohol and the gratuitous flattery, but mainly the alcohol, got to me and I agreed to try it, so I found my birkies, paused by the tent as I left and asked Manjit if she was going to show us a lesson, not that it was a surprise to anyone but no, she wasn't. Not then, not ever. Not without a bucket of Vodka.

In truth I was by no means the most outrageously dressed, there were girls, and boys, in full Rocky Horror gear, a couple with dungarees but nothing else, a couple of girls in Las Vegas showgirl feathers and thongs and loads of girls and boys in body paint.

We hit the drama tent first up where a group of two men and one woman were doing Romeo and Juliet in ten minutes. I don't know the play that well, I've seen it a few times and my sister had the Baz Luhrmann film on hard rotation for a couple of years, but I wouldn't claim to be an expert. As far as I could tell it was all there, including the swordfight and of course the balcony scene.

That was followed by an improv group based on the works of Jane Austen, so first we had 'Nanook of the Northanger Abbey' in which a culturally inappropriate stereotype of an Inuit hunter found himself battling Walrus and Polar bears while taking tea on the lawn and finally 'Strictly Come Darcy' in which our hero found himself sprayed orange and Charlestoning his way around old England avoiding a planned marriage.

Manjit and I loved it, we're both huge Jane Austen fans and got all the jokes and references. Gautham and Matt were less amused, I'd go as far as bored witless.

Hunger was catching up with us, and I for one needed something to soak up the alcohol, so we wandered across to the food court where we decided vegetarian was the order of the day.

While we were nibbling our falafels and chips Manjit consulted the NodApp,

"There's a covers band called Nutloaf on the Square Window stage in half an hour, it says here; Nutloaf started out as a Meat Loaf tribute act and have expanded their repertoire to almost anything from the seventies, eighties and early nineties. Their rendition of Bat out of Hell was described as 'sort of OK' in Time out, and Mark Knopfler said of them, 'Who are they again?' Hey, with reviews like that I'm in."

I agreed, and Matt and Gautham were happy enough to come along as long as they didn't have to listen to any more Jane Austen jokes. Manjit continued, "after their main set the band will be available for live Karaoke with the crowd. Sounds interesting. Let's do it."

The Square Window stage was inside a large marquee, and with a few hundred people inside it was quite hot and sticky, even more so inside my heavy leather jacket but the falafel and chips had done a respectable job of soaking up the alcohol and I wasn't about to put my see-through top out there for everyone to enjoy, so I danced and sweated. Matt kept me hydrated with Pimm's and a large bottle of mineral water.

Nutloaf's description on the App was accurate enough, their lead singer was a lot slimmer than the original but had his voice and mannerisms to a tee, then they moved on to some Britpop hits, 'Disco 2000' and 'Charmless Man' before the backing girl stepped up to do some Blondie and Katrina and the Waves stuff before ending her set with 'Turn Back Time' and 'Proud Mary'.

The lead singer came back to centre stage to finish the set with 'Born to Run' and 'Don't stop me now' and rapturous applause. He raised his arms to the crowd, then called the girl forward who gave a theatrical bow, then turned and ran off stage. He picked up the microphone and announce a ten-minute break before the band would be back for Karaoke, then they all followed her off stage.

It was late afternoon and still warm outside, but it was a lot cooler than the tent, so we took the chance to go out and cool off. Manjit had sent Gautham off for more booze, which he announced by Walkie talkie, "Yeah, Hi. Maverick this is Ghost Rider. The Pigeon is in the coop. What is your location?"

Matt responded, "Hello Ghost Rider, the pattern is full. We're on the grass by the ice cream van."

Ah, boys and their toys. Gautham arrived with a jug of Pimm's and four bamboo cups and we re-hydrated on the strawberry and cucumber infused mixture.

Manjit had her phone out again, "There's a list of songs here they can play if you want to sing. Look at this, you click, and they call out your name when it's your turn. Who's up?"

I've heard Matt sing in the shower, and I wouldn't inflict that on anyone, so I was pleased he refused to get involved. Gautham seemed equally unwilling, Manjit forced him into a duet of 'I Got You Babe' which I greeted with a fake vomit. She took that as well as you'd expect and poked me in the boob. "OK miss table shagger, I'll choose for you. There, and there, and there and there. You should get at least one of them. "

I grabbed for the phone, but she was too quick again, jumping to her feet she pointed at the tent, "Ooh I hear them, they are back and warming up. Come on." She swigged her Pimm's down in one and scampered off, and I mean scampered, giggling and laughing on the way.

I followed, still clutching my drink, as I walked up to the tent I could see round behind the stage and spotted the girl singer doubled over with her head in a bucket, the sound of her retching floated across the grass. I shook my head in sorrowful solidarity. We've all been there, a few too many and suddenly you're driving the porcelain bus. That was probably why she ran off stage.

Inside the tent the band were onstage, minus the two singers. The drummer tapped his microphone, the crowd was about half what had been in there earlier, probably fifty to seventy, so at least it wasn't as sweaty, even if it meant the atmosphere was down a bit.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Live Karaoke time. First up is Rick, where are you Rick?" A tall guy with a floppy hair cut wearing a denim jacket shuffled forward, climbed onto the stage, and stood by the mike stand, the guitarist showed him how to unclip it and pointed at the stage. "Watch out for the cables, Now, Rick, what are you gonna sing for us?"

Rick unclipped the Mike, looked out at the audience where a young-ish girl, probably nineteen or twenty, was standing with another couple. "I'm singing this for Carla, and it's Angels"

I groaned inwardly, if that was the standard, mawkish love songs for swooning couples it might be a long evening, but to give him his due Rick had quite a decent if weak voice and didn't mess about trying to hit the high notes so at the end we were all swaying holding our phone torches in the air.

He left to a ripple of applause and a couple of whistles, and an enthusiastic snog from Carla, which was probably the important thing.

Next up an overweight girl in a parody of a school uniform did 'Hit me baby, one more time' with all the moves followed by 'Single Ladies' with some of the moves, primarily the hands up and the slapping of her own ample arse moves. Her applause reflected her standard of performance.

Next up it was Manjit, who dragged Gautham onstage and between then they gave a fairly acceptable effort, ending with a long gaze into each other eyes and a slow kiss on stage that they continued back in the audience.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I saw the drummer tap the screen, then nod at the guitarist who leaned into his microphone. "And next up we have Alice Cinderella, where are you Alice?"

I stepped up to the stage, letting my jacket swing open as I did which brought a murmur of interest form the male half of the audience close enough to see. On stage I was given the microphone and a quick masterclass in using the autocue hidden in the folds of the tent ceiling. They asked me what I was singing, I got a laugh when I turned to the audience and told everyone "I don't know, my friend Manjit chose for me, so if it's Cliff Richard I apologise in advance."

The drummer laughed and flicked a switch, the autocue started up and I saw the opening lines to 'Call me maybe' which was fine, I knew it and it's not too embarrassing.

I took my place centre stage, a spotlight picked me out and suddenly a rush of adrenaline hit me, it was like topping out at a hundred and thirty-five on the A 417. I imagine, I'd never do that. It would be irresponsible and dangerous.

I lifted the microphone, as I did so my jacket opened up which brought a cheer from half the audience. "Good evening Somerset, it's great to be here" I started, which got another cheer.

The opening bars kicked off and suddenly I was throwing a wish in a well and I was away. It was over in what seemed to me to be a flash, which was something the growing crowd got a few times as well. I was exhilarated and didn't want it to stop.

The Guitarist beckoned me over, switched my microphone off and asked if I wanted to do the full set.

"Full set?" I was confused. He expanded, "Yeah, there's five songs against your name. Do you want to do them all?"

I considered it for a whole two seconds, "Was I any good?" He looked to the drummer and the bassist, they gave a thumbs up and an 'ok' sign. "Yeah, you were pretty good."

Decision made. "Bring it on."

First we did some Amy Winehouse, no no no, then into Lulu, I particularly enjoyed the long 'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell' and bouncing across the stage, I felt brave enough to put some moves in, putting my arm up and twisting my hips, which of course flashed my boobs at the world, but I was on such a high I didn't care. In fact, the cheers for my tits just spurred me on.

The penultimate song was one of my all-time favourites, 'Let the River Run' by Carly Simon, I started it with my back to the audience, then turned to face them and stuck my arms out horizontally, which of course lifted the front of my jacket up and out and let the girls swing in the breeze again.

Word must have got round because the audience numbers were back up to a couple of hundred, and I was on fire with adrenalin. We finished with a crash and my final song was up, another favourite, it's one of the songs Matt introduced me to and if I were asked I'd say it was 'our' song.

I waved him over, took off my sweat-soaked jacket, acknowledged the cheering adulation as was my due, and told the crowd, "This is my final song," disappointed sounds, "and it's for someone special to me, Matt, when I'm not around, Dream a little dream of me."

I finished with cheers and whistles and calls for more, but I waved at the crowd shouting, "Someone else's turn now," and jumped down to grab Matt and stick my tongue into his mouth, crushing my boobs into his chest.

I realised why there are so many Rock Star stories about sexual excess, just fifteen minutes or so of being worshipped and I would have happily dragged Matt off to bed, so walking out onto a stage somewhere like Wembley Stadium with thirty thousand or more screaming fans must be almost Orgasmic in intensity.

Somewhere behind me three or four girls were banging out an off-key rendition of 'Spice up your life,' which seemed like a good opportunity to get out of the oppressive heat and humidity of the tent.

I started steaming the moment we exited the marquee, it wasn't cold, but I was very sweaty and hot. After my stint on stage, I wasn't worried about the see-through top and happily sat around with a large bottle of water. To my delight people kept coming up to me and telling me what a great set I'd done, it wasn't even only blokes checking out my chest.

Manjit was back on her phone on NodApp, "Hey we can book a hot tub for thirty minutes at ten thirty tonight. It's a tenner each. I'm booking a four-seater." A ripple of approval went round the rest of us.

It was half past nine, I was slowly coming down from my adrenaline high and was hungry again, so I dragged Matt over to the food court and bought us both a paper bowl of curry and rice with a beer to wash it down.

I had cooled off enough that I draped the clammy jacket over me, it was cold to start but after five minutes it worked like a wetsuit and warmed up. I stood up to look for the bins and heard a shout of "Oh great, there you are." I didn't associate it with me initially and spotting a recycling point across the seating area I hopped over to dispose of our empties.

As I was slotting them into the correct holes I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned and saw a man in a Nutloaf T shirt with unkempt dark hair, designer stubble and a stud in his left ear. "I'm so pleased I found you, I've been looking for you since you jumped off stage."

"Hah, still got it" I thought, but kept it to myself. Instead, I gave him a dazzling smile, breathed in and held it, pushing my boobs out as much as possible "Well, now you've found me, what do you want to do with me? Can I bring my boyfriend along as well?"

He gave a slightly confused shake of his head, "No, er, well yes of course. Look, can you come back now and try a duet with Nut?"

"Nut?" The conversation was taking on a surreal tinge.

"Yeah, Colin, the lead singer. We call him Nut, as in Nut Loaf, like Meat Loaf."

I'd realised what he meant as soon as he said the lead singer, although the infant school level of explanation helped because I was still quite buzzed from all the Pimm's and Margaritas and now the beer we'd just had.

"I can, why?" I walked back to the table where Matt was getting outside another pint of Golden Champion, he'd got me a half of the same thing. When I sat down, and my groupie sat down opposite me he raised a questioning eyebrow over his glass rim. I tried to introduce them, "Matt, this is er, what was your name?"

"Dean." Dean held out a hand that Matt automatically shook. "Matt, Alice" he pointed at himself and me in order.

"So, Dean," I went on, "Why do you want me to sing a duet with Nut?" Annoyingly Matt didn't need it spelling out like I had and gave a little grunt of humour.

Dean launched straight in. "Our girl singer, Natalie, has been taken ill. Between you and me she's pregnant and had a massive sickness attack earlier."

I remarked how I'd seen her with the bucket, looked like I was wrong, I hadn't been there. Not having been pregnant.

He went on. "It was so bad I insisted on taking her to the medics. I'm the band's manager you see, and Natalie's partner, and the on-site doctor said she needs complete rest for six weeks or she could lose the baby, he's sending her for an ultrasound tomorrow."

I reached out a sympathetic hand, Matt muttered congratulations and how it was a simple decision, she had to rest.

Dean nodded his appreciation, "Trouble is, we've got a booking for two sets tomorrow and two sets on Sunday and we need a girl that can sing backing and lead. You were fantastic in the Karaoke, and we hoped, if you can work with Nut, you wouldn't mind stepping in."

I laughed, I mean I know I can sing reasonably well but I'm by no means a professional and I was more than prepared to believe most of the appreciation of my turn on stage had been for my outfit rather than my abilities.

I put my thoughts to Dean and backed it up with "Besides which, I'm here with my boyfriend and some friends for a fun time. Why is your lack of a singer my problem?"

He agreed it wasn't but explained that Nutloaf were about to break out from being a local covers band to being a national support band and they were lined up with gigs in Sheffield, Manchester, Leeds and Reading supporting The Wanted, subject to a successful NodFest performance.

"I can pay you, not a silly amount, but we're getting three grand a day for being here, I could give you maybe, a thousand?"

Now, that put a different light on it. I looked at Matt, he looked at me. We agreed. "I need to talk this through with Matt and my other friends. I'll do the duet but won't give you an answer until the morning."

He wasn't entirely happy but accepted it was the best he was going to get and led me back to the tent. Matt dug out his Walkie Talkie and called Gautham, "Maverick this is Ghostrider, Ali is on a flyby, over." As I followed Dean I heard "Ghostrider, say again good buddy I got a whole heap o thirteen on that come back atcha." I left them to it.

In the tent the band were still on stage blasting out "Shine" by Take That for a gang of middle-aged fat blokes who were having a whale of a time. We slipped backstage; a burly security guy let us through to the band's rest area where I met Colin who gained several brownie points by asking straight away about Natalie.

"She's going to be fine, just needs rest. This is Alice, Colin Alice, Alice Colin. She's agreed to try out the duet, I thought maybe 'Don't Leave me This Way' and 'Dead Ringer'? "

Colin looked at me, I knew both songs vaguely, "will the autocue be working" It would. "Then Yeah. Let's do it."

Colin picked up a guitar and disappeared through a curtain. On stage I heard the final notes die away and a click as the microphone kicked in for Colin, or rather Nut as he was now.

"Alright Nodfest. We've got a treat for you tonight. To close the show, we're bringing back a new friend. Come on out Alice Cinderella."

I heard the tent explode in a chant of "Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice." Adrenaline flooded through me, hitting me like a frying pan in a cartoon. I dropped my jacket on my chair, if my tits were the attraction of my performance I may as well give myself every chance of being popular again and strode onstage.

The cheering went up a level when I appeared. I walked over to the microphone as the opening bars from Don't Leave Me This Way" cut through the air and we enthusiastically thrashed out the Communards hit, we needed work, but it went well, finishing with a cheer and some whistles from the crowd.

Nut and I stood at opposite ends of the stage, the drummer counted us in and the unmistakeable Riff of 'Dead Ringer' brought another huge cheer. For the next four minutes I didn't only live by Rock'n'roll and Brew and didn't know what he did or where went he when he wasn't around, finishing nose to nose with Nut walking back and forth across the stage.

The crowd went wild, shouting out for more, but we all walked off and gathered in the rest area at the back. An illusion was shattered again when the kettle went on and tea was passed round. I pulled my jacket back on, strangely being virtually naked in front of hundreds was less embarrassing than in front of a handful.

Dean joined us. "Great job, well done everyone, well done Alice. Alice, the band. Colin, Nut you already know, Gary on drums, Will on bass, Jack on keyboard and guitar, Perry on lead guitar and Natalie, on backing and lead vocals." A tired looking girl waved from the back of the room.

The entire band gathered round her solicitously, all asking the same thing. She sat up and waved them away. "I'm fine, the baby's fine, but I need to rest, or it may not be. The doctor said to wait until she's born, or he's born." Perry suggested "or when they are born?" and got a cushion for his trouble.

Dean explained to everyone that I was possibly going to stand in for the weekend and on Monday they'd start the process of finding a long-term replacement.

The band all looked at me, Jack asked what they all wanted to know. "Well, how was it, and will you be back?"

I sat back and sipped my tea. "I loved it, but I need to discuss with my partner and friends if I'm going to do the rest of it."

Dean waved over one of the security guys for a whispered conversation. A fist bump and a grunt followed, and he disappeared to return a couple of minutes later with Matt, Gautham and Manjit in tow.

Manjit squealed with excitement while Matt and Gautham tried to look cool, like this sort of thing happened all the time. Natalie rustled up three more cups of tea, I know; Rock and Roll right?