Alice in Wonderland

"And I can't even see you for this one night?"

"I'm sorry, darling. Pierre chose this outfit and he is so keen to see me in it he insisted he take me out tonight."

"And he gets preference?"

"He asked first, darling. It's only fair."

"It's totally unfair. I wasn't there. You must have known I'd love to take you out, when I hadn't seen you for so long. And when you were dressed so sexily."

"Darling," she spoke as if explaining to some stupid child, "I've known you for almost thirty years. I've only just met Pierre. It's a new relationship. I need to mature and strengthen it and make sure that he's happy. You know that this is such a great opportunity for me. And therefore for you as well."

I was so shocked by all this that my heart was beating fast, and I was short of breath. My mind was whirling. "How long are you going for?"

"It's a couple of months at least. It might be a lot longer. I'll try and let you know. It's a worldwide tour. Pierre is popular in Canada, Africa, Vietnam. Practically anywhere there's a French connection. And, in some of these places it might be difficult to contact you. So I might be incommunicado for much of the time. I'll do what I can to keep in touch, but you must promise me you won't worry." She stared at me. "Promise me you won't worry."

I was all churned up inside I could hardly speak. I had half a mind to drop to my knees and beg her not to go, but I knew that would be a waste of time. "Darling? Promise me, please."

"Yes, yes, I promise." She couldn't mistake the heaviness in my voice, but I think she chose to ignore it.

"If you hadn't suggested this holiday, I would never have had this opportunity. I'm so grateful to you. And when I get back, I'm going to show you how grateful." She put her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately. I could have said if you were so grateful why aren't you staying here with me. But I didn't want to see that cold, irritated look on her face, especially as it was going to be my last look at her for some time.

We had reached the ground floor by now and, as the lift door opened, I saw Pierre waiting in the lobby. Alice whispered to me, "Be nice and don't worry by the way I greet him. It doesn't mean anything, but Pierre likes it." Alice ran up to him, hugged him, kissed him on both cheeks and then more fully on the lips.

"Tom, meet Pierre. Pierre, meet Tom."

Pierre brought out his hand, took mine firmly in his and shook it.

"You are very lucky, monsieur. You have a remarkable wife. Thank you for lending her to me."

"Umm, I hope the tour goes well," I said. I noticed Alice smiled at me.

Pierre stared closely at my face and the hint of a sad, understanding smile appeared on his. "Thank you, Tom."

"Darling, you can give Pierre the suitcase." I handed over the suitcase. Pierre took it in one hand and slipped the other around Alice's waist. They started to walk towards the door of the hotel, all the while chatting passionately and comfortably to each other in French. I was walking slightly behind them not wanting to let her go. I couldn't bear it, being without her for two months or even more. At the door she stopped and turned to me.

"Imagine how excited you'll be the next time you see me." She gave me a little peck on the cheek. "Bye, darling." Then she walked out into the hotel forecourt with Pierre's arm still around her. They continued to talk and laugh as she and Pierre walked towards the blue Rolls-Royce that was waiting for them. The chauffeur took the suitcase and put it in the trunk. Then he held open the door for Alice to climb into the back seat, all the while she was chatting to Pierre. The chauffeur got into the car and started the engine. Alice was still happily engaged with Pierre.

As the car swept by me, I gave Alice a wave, but she was too absorbed with Pierre to notice me. She seemed to have forgotten about me already.

I felt depressed, lonely and afraid. Would she come back to me? There was an excruciating pain in my stomach, like a knife twisting and turning. I could hardly bear it. My heart was beating, my breath was short. I loved this woman, I loved her. The pain refused to stop.

Suddenly something shifted, as if I had connected with some inner strength, born, perhaps, of the emotional turmoil I was in. The pain in my stomach slowly subsided. I started to feel that I was at one with the world. I realised then that I had loved her. But now I didn't. It was in the past. The anguish drained away, the pain disappeared. All at once I felt at peace. My beautiful, sexy wife, who I had adored, had gone. But to me, now, she was nothing special. She had no hold over me. I no longer cared about her. I couldn't believe release was so easy. I was free. I was my own man. The future? We'd probably divorce. But what the hell.

I looked up at the sky. The blue sky, the sun, the heat covered me and soothed me. It was going to be a lovely afternoon. I marched into the hotel to get a towel from my room. I was going to the nudist beach.