All Comments on 'Alice Needs Her Brother's Support Pt. 02'

Learn to Proof Read and get someone to teach you Grammar and Punctuation.

Especially how, and why, to denote "speech"!

The first girl was named Nikki and called her Haley. When there are several people, make a list on a note paper and maybe what they look like, hair color, eye color or what they are wearing so you don't mix them up. I don't even recall a Haley on the list. The plot was decent and I agree that the aggressive part with the girl in purple detracted from the over all story. Keep writing.

Some good imagery, but you don't have the writing skills to do it in the present tense. Also are not consistent in tense usage. Just average.