All Comments on 'Alicia Ch. 04'

Oh! Bliss. 5*s

Don't get it wrong. You surely are writing very well. The issue the is that you're weakening the build-up and flow yourself by suddenly introducing something that should have been waited till the later part (like introduction of spanking and calling 'Mistress') and then slowing down the later parts just by neglecting the crucial details. They're together for 1 month. The first month is the most important month. They didn't have sex in that period, and then didn't have spanking sessions either. So what exactly were they doing while living together? This is the time when their build-up gets stronger, and you have just skipped the most important part. This story is already written, but I hope if you read this you can do better in your future writing.