Alison's Lament Pt. 02

"I don't want you to change; I want to be the one who compromises. I'm rich Jos; I don't have to work again."

"Have or don't want to?"

I contemplated his words for a moment, "If I were offered the perfect project, I'd give you all the facts and let you decide."

"So, if I were to offer you a project, would you consider it?"

"That depends," I said, my voice barely audible over the sound of the waves on the shingle, "on what it was?"

"It's the same one I offered you many years ago: a lifetime of love and the chance to make a family."

I raised my head to look at him, was he asking what I hoped he was? "I think you could sell me that proposal very easily," I admitted. "But there's a price," and I waggled my hand in his direction, pointedly tapping my ring finger.

"You got engaged!" Lucy's voice was shrill as she dragged me into the bedroom, closing the door firmly behind her. "Holy fuck girl, you only went away for a couple of days!"

It was Saturday, and the London premiere of the Vietnam film was that evening. In the morning we had driven up from Brighton to my apartment overlooking the Thames. Jos had made us drop him off in Savile Row, as he needed to buy a suit for this evening. I'd suggested he wear a tux, and he'd laughed dismissively. Well, I suppose I should be grateful he wasn't going to be in jeans and a tee-shirt.

Lucy and a hairdresser were waiting for me at the apartment, and it took my friend less than ten seconds to spot the ring on my finger.

"You didn't waste any time," she said as she sat down on my bed. There was a sadness to her voice that disturbed me.

I sat down beside her and took her hand in mine. "Sadly, I did Loo; I wasted over twelve years. We were only waiting for our 18th birthdays to make it official. All our parents and friends knew what we were going to do. The ring had been his grandmothers; he was going to give it to me when he got back from Australia."

"I thought that you and I..." she petered off looking despondent.

"Will always be best friends," I continued, and gave her a kiss. For a moment she didn't respond and then her mouth opened and she threw herself into the kiss. She gave a moan as I broke off the kiss.

"Will we still be lovers?" She asked. I could hear the anxiety in her voice.

"I don't know," I honestly answered. "My feelings for you haven't changed. Beside Jos, you are the most important person in my life, but I won't do anything to put my relationship with Jos at risk. For the moment, as far as he's concerned. you are my best friend, my assistant and that's all."

We sat in silence for a long time while she considered what I'd said. Then she asked, "What about the other elephants in the room, have you told him about Antonio and Simon?"

I dismissed the issue of Simon with a curt, "Simon isn't the problem, he's history, and he wasn't even a good fuck!"

Antonio, on the other hand, was the proverbial ticking bomb. I hated myself for even thinking about him. I still wasn't sure that I was strong enough to resist him in the future, even thinking about him made my mouth dry.

"Toni could be one," I admitted. "I have to make sure he understands that I'm not interested in him anymore the next time I see him." I intended that to be a long time in the future.

Lucy gave me a cautious look, "He's supposedly in London, he was apparently seen out clubbing with that chat show hostess."

Comprehension flared, "Shit! So that's how she knew so much."

I stood up and started pacing around the room in a mild panic. Antonio was arrogant enough to seek me out and demand I join him, and like a drug addict seeking a fix, I was susceptible to his advances. Christ, let's be honest; he could turn me into a quivering mass of desire with a snap of his fingers. I only had to hear his voice and smell that damn aftershave he wore, and I was flooding my panties. Worst of all, he had an unerring ability to appear when I least wanted or expected him.

I took a couple of deep breaths and refocused my thoughts on Jos, and how much I loved him. I twisted the ring on my finger, and my anxiety eased, I had a new, far more powerful, drug for me to enjoy.

I sat down again. "I'll be fine," I said, "Jos is going to be with me anywhere I could bump into Toni, and with him beside me, I'll be strong enough to ignore the bastard."

"I'm not sure you really believe that." Lucy sounded concerned. "And I'm pretty sure you will revert to the old Ash and won't be able to resist him if he turns on the charm."

I shook my head, "No, I have to make sure he's a part of my past that I don't revisit." It was a bold statement I hoped being with Jos would give me the strength and willpower to live up to.

That was hopefully in the future, the far future if I had anything to do with it. At that moment, I needed to concentrate on ensuring that Lucy and my boyfriend got on together. Jos was going to be the man in my life, and he ticked all my boxes, except one. The woman sitting beside me ticked that final box, a soft feminine sensual woman, with who I loved to lose my inhibitions. As much as I had tried to deny it to myself, she had moved far beyond the friend with benefits stage, and was becoming almost as important to me as Jos.

"Thank God that over," I said. "My face aches from all that smiling." My voice was as light as I could make it. Lucy sat on the limo seat, facing Jos and myself, and I could see the worried expression on her face.

"You know that was just the first round; are you up for the rest?" Lucy asked me, but she was looking at Jos as she spoke.

I took a deep breath and looked at Jos's expressionless face. I gave Lucy a weak smile. "With no new projects planned, it should be the last time for a long while. I'll be okay," I reassured her.

The car turned a corner, and I pressed against Jos. He'd been silent and brooding since the start of the drive to the post-premiere reception. I was mentally kicking myself; I knew I'd made a big mistake taking off his ring just before the red-carpet walk; he'd been hurt by my action. If I hadn't kept a tight grip on his hand, I think he would have taken the first opportunity to slip away. I'd convinced myself on the drive over that it would be a good idea nor to be seen wearing it as we stepped onto the red carpet. I'd told myself that if I was to introduce him as my fiancé as we arrived, the press would have been in a feeding frenzy, and we would never have got in.

I looked down at the ring on my finger. I'd quickly admitted my mistake and slipped it back on before we'd left the cinema. As I'd thought, it had been spotted immediately and we'd been overwhelmed by questions. Some of them had been very uncomfortable for me to answer, but Jos had been strong by my side.

Jos waited until we were inside the nightclub before he pulled me to one side and rounded on me. He snapped at Lucy when she tried to join us, and she stepped back, then he turned to me.

"God damn it, Ali, when were you going to tell me about Simon," he demanded. "When were you going to tell me the pair of you were engaged."

"We aren't, we never were. We had a bit of a fling in Vietnam, but that was months ago."

"So when I saw you at the restaurant with him, you were on a date?"

I needed to make Jos understand Simon means nothing to me. "I didn't consider it to be a date. I'm only in one relationship, and that's with you," I insisted. "Yes, I was attracted to Simon when we worked together last year. He was fun to be with, but that was all. I might have let him think I was more interested in him than I was."

"What does that mean?"

"He surprised me with a ring on our last day in Vietnam. I didn't want to create a scene, so I tried to let him down gently, but apparently, I should have been more forceful in my rejection. Somewhere along the way, the press got the impression we were engaged."

Jos grimaced, I shook my head, "I said we weren't!"

"So why were you at that restaurant with him, if it wasn't a date?"

"It wasn't a date," I repeated. "The only times I've seen him since Vietnam were the other premieres. It was supposed to be a meal with a friend to catch up and discuss a new project he's considering. He thought I might be interested in a role. As it turned out, that wasn't his only goal. He wanted me to think about getting back together. He kept going on about us getting married and announce our engagement to the press. I didn't want to create a scene, so when your friend came over asking for an autograph, I was grateful to have the distraction."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh is right. Well, that's as far as he'd got when I saw you. You've always been in the back of my thoughts, and Lucy will confirm you had become an important goal recently. I regret everything about the way we lost touch with each other, how much I missed you. As soon as I saw you standing up from the table, all I could think about was you and how much you meant to me. That was the final nail in Simon's coffin."

I paused to gauge his emotions, but I couldn't tell anything from his expression. I continued, "I won't deny I liked him, we'd had fun together in Vietnam, but there was never a real spark between us, so I just told him 'no more,' chased after you and you know the rest."

I could sense that Jos still wasn't happy, but I'd run out of time, I needed to get my game face on and earn my keep. The film's producers and distributors wanted to maximize the publicity value of the film's stars, and this reception was the culmination of their efforts. I took his hand, and we entered the madhouse.

We hadn't made more than a few steps before we were confronted by a reporter and photographer from one of the influential gossip magazines.

The woman addressed Jos, "Don't you feel guilty you are the reason Simon and Ashley broke up; they made such a wonderful couple."

"I don't know the man, so why would I feel guilty," was Jos's sharp, angry response.

I interrupted explaining that my relationship with Simon had ended months before, and Jos had nothing to do with it. "Unfortunately, Simon believed that there'd been far more to our friendship than there was," I told her.

"But it's being reported that the pair of you were engaged."

"No, that not correct; we were just close friends," I repeated. Then I pointed at the ring on my finger and grasped Jos's arm. "This ring was given to me by this man, and I'm engaged to him. We will be getting married as soon as we can arrange it, most likely, later this year."

We had variations of the same conversation with different journalists over the next half hour until I sent a silent message of help to Lucy, and she swept in to save us. It was a good job as I could see Jos was close to losing his temper, thankfully, at them not me. I got a number of hugs and kisses from him that made me feel very happy.

I think it was my relief at surviving the press attention that subconsciously let me relax my defense and revert to type. After the battering we'd received, I was feeling safe inside the nightclub, and that precipitated the next set of problems. In addition to the usual suspects, the organizers had invited a fair number of celebrities, mostly those on the B-list, with a scattering of A's. These were the same type of people I would find one of these events worldwide. Some of them I even knew! They were quick to draw me into their groups, eager to bask in the reflected fame, and after a while, I lost touch with Jos.

Conversations around me waxed and waned as the composition of the group changed, and I slipped into my default party mode of light and flirty. I'm not sure how much later it was when I felt a brooding presence move next to me. I'd been talking to Billy Gonzales for the last few minutes. He was the new darling of the American tennis scene, and we'd dated couple of times last year. The presence was Jos, and as soon as I saw him a sense of guilt washed over me as I realized I hadn't noticed his absence. The eyes in his emotionless face glanced at my shoulder. Billy had rested his hand possessively on my shoulder, I quickly shrugged it off and took a step away from him and one closer to Jos.

I took hold of Jos's hand and gave him a kiss on the lips. "There you are love; I missed you."

I glanced around the group who were all giving Jos looks that ranged from shocked to downright disdained. Well, fuck you all, I thought.

"Jos, this is Billy, he plays tennis. Billy, everyone, this is my fiancé, Josh. We've been best friends since we were children, and I've been in love with him since I was eight." I knew I was babbling.

Billy stepped back from me, giving me a surprised look. "Your fiancé? But I thought you and I were-.."

I couldn't help smiling at his arrogance; it wouldn't have happened, even if I hadn't found Jos. He'd been just a pretty face to spend a few frivolous hours with. I gave him a sad smile. "No, you and I are just friends, and that's all you will ever be."

He looked at me for a moment and then walked away. A harsh, "Bitch," floating behind him. I glanced at Jos and burst out laughing. The rest of the group shifted their attention between myself and Jos, unsure of how to respond. I was pleased to see a contented smile appear on his face.

I kept a tight grip on Jos's hand, not giving him the chance to slip away again, and tried to involve him in the group. I was aware that they were uncomfortable with him. They saw him as an outsider who was there to pull my attention from them to steal away their queen bee from the hive. I tried, honestly, I did try. I kept asking his opinion, but as they continued to ignore him, he grew distant and slowly gave up trying. I know I should have stepped away from the group and concentrated on Jos, but I didn't; I let myself be drawn into the middle of the group again, leaving Jos ignored on the periphery.

It was sometime later that my worst fears were realized, and my nemesis appeared. The waft of his aftershave was unique and distinctive. I didn't need the confirmation of his voice to know that Antonio was standing next to me. I looked around for Jos and was relieved to see him standing at the bar, talking to Lucy with his back to me. Hopefully Lucy would keep him busy long enough for me to get rid of Toni without him making a scene.

Antonio's voice and his hand on my arm snapped my attention back to him. "I'd almost think that you have been trying to avoid me, Ashley," his voice was low and sultry, and I felt my stomach flutter. "Of course, I'm sure I'm mistaken. You'd never want to hide and leave me, would you, Cara."

I lifted his hand off my arm and took a defensive sip from the glass of champagne I was holding. I turned to try and mask him from a casual glance from Jos's direction.

"What are you doing here," I whispered, desperately trying to resist the wash of desire that his presence invoked. I stared across the room at Jos, grateful that he wasn't watching me, and I was able to draw a degree of courage from his presence.

"I'm here because you are here, lover, and I wanted to see you. It's time we got together again."

"Toni, I can't, everything is different now. I'm engaged, and I'm not interested in spending any of my precious time with you. You need to let me go!"

He gave a low growl that vibrated through my body, and my nipples ached; they were so hard. "You are mine until I say you're not." His voice rose, and I laughed to hide my embarrassment.

He bent down and attempted to kiss my lips, but I quickly turned my head enough that his lips brushed my cheek. Looking up, I saw that Jos and Lucy were watching me. I took courage from his presence and stepped sharply back, shrugging off Antonio's arm. I hurried over and stood in front of Jos.

"Hey, lover, miss me?" I asked in the lightest tone I could manage, hoping that he hadn't picked up on the interplay between Antonio and myself.

"For 12 years," he said dryly. "But I'm used to it."

My heart stuttered, his words hurt, but I felt I deserved them. I glanced at the clock then back at the group of people I'd been talking to. I'd been over there for well over an hour.

"Why didn't you come over and join us?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows, "I was there, but after the first few moments, you and your friends ignored me, so I couldn't see the point of standing around like a spare peg."

I heard the bitterness in his voice. He raised his glass and took a sip, "so I found my own entertainment."

I had to ask, "What kind of entertainment?"

Lucy answered my question. "Simon was his usual obnoxious self, so your boyfriend showed him the error of his ways. It was fun to watch."

"And they serve a great whiskey here," he added and saluted me with his glass.

I wasn't sure what to say in response. Then he said, "it's been interesting watching the interplay around you." He tapped his temple with his forefinger. "It's all in here, and it's going to provide a wealth of background images for my books."

I gave him a guilty glance, I'm sure he stressed the word 'all,' and I knew he'd seen Toni try and kiss me. I smiled to hide my embarrassment, "I don't know half of them, and I don't like most of the other half. I wish you had been with me. You could have saved me from the wealth of pickup lines I get to hear, not an original one amongst them."

He ignored my attempt at humor and asked, "Are we done here?"

I sent a pleading look at Lucy and sighed in exasperation as she shook her head. She said, "The television crews have just turned up, so there are a couple of network interviews to finish." She nodded towards the far side of the room.

I sighed regretfully. "I'm sorry Jos, I'm needed here for a bit longer I'm afraid; it looks like I'm expected to give another couple of interviews. I expect it's going to be interesting, especially since I've outed my poor old boyfriend to the press as my lover and soon to be husband." I indicated the camera crews who were waiting patiently for me and the other stars of the film.

The damn interviews took a lot longer than I'd anticipated. I could have strangled the last host; she was the total Prima Donna. I wasn't in the best of moods when it was all over. There was a group of people that had been watching the interviews and a second larger group by the bar.

I could see Jos, Lucy, and David by the bar, and I started in that direction. I'd only made a couple of paces when Antonio appeared in front of me. He took my arm and pulled me close. My Pavlovian response to him kicked in, and I felt my resistance crumble.

"A small group of us will be partying at my hotel after this. You will be joining us." It wasn't a question, it was a statement of fact, and I'd already started to nod in agreement before I realized what I'd done. I caught myself and froze.

My resistance crumbled, and he drew me along with him as he joined the smaller of the two groups, the group opening and reforming around us. I was trying to understand why I was acting like a lovesick teenager. His heady aroma was assaulting my senses. My heart was racing in my chest, and my legs felt weak.

The burble of conversations around us slowed and came to a stop. I looked up, and my stomach lurched. Jos stood in front of me, and everyone was looking at him. His face was expressionless, and he said nothing, just pointedly tapped his watch slowly and deliberately twice.

I flashed back to a memory of him doing the same thing many years ago at a school dance. On that occasion, I'd ignored him, and I'd ended up having to call my Dad to collect me. Jos had followed through on his threat and had gone home. I knew that I had just a few seconds, or he'd be gone, and I doubted he would stop until he was safely back on his boat.