All Comments on 'All Hallows Eve'

Throughly excellent read.

5 stars

An excellent story. I hope it is the first of many with this character. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Abrupt ending but otherwise pretty good.

Got a little bit jumbled was a niece then a daughter was one month before wedding then two months.

It was an OK story but between him trying be an Alpha and juvenile I lost interest in the story about 1/2 way thru. Give it a 3* for trying.

Excellent!!! Love your writin', and if you need an editor, I'm yo' Huckleberry. (Check your email)

--Legio

Roy comes across as a bit of an impulsive, knee-jerk, dopehead. Way he makes off the cuff decisions and reacts without thinking through things. His lack of character is best revealed in how he tracked Candy down after she left him. Showing up unannounced in the middle of a class lecture and interrupting the lecturer, ignoring the lecturer's request for him to leave, and then breaking his jaw? Really? On top of this he then does something exactly like the kind of thing he espouses to hate. Like the guy from the rival electronics company who waltzed into his office, Roy pulls out a similar type of attitude by throwing his checkbook at the problem he created. He has quickly become an entitled S.O.B. with a propensity to browbeat others into submission. He's not likeable.

I was enjoying the story but this was a pretty abrupt ending. Is there going to be a part two. Was it actually going anywhere. I assume it was in loving wives because he helped impregnate the wife.

Interesting story!

4

This was a great story 5 stars and continue to write like this

Quite confusing and hard to follow. Next time take care for choosing better names fir your characters. I see there is a commentor which offers himself as editor - you really need one.

Started well but got too far fetched for me once a kid is left all sorts of cash and businesses.

This story seems like a 12 yr Olds view of sex and machismo...even in a made up universe its oh so off ...sorry. hard pass.

Was fun for a few pages and then got too contrived and unbelievable. Of course it was supposed to be unbelievable, but then it was just ridiculous. You have great imagination and enthusiasm, but you need to learn that less is more. Keep at it, and good luck.

then what happened?????? please continue.

I was expecting Tom Cruise or Jackie Chan to suddenly appear assuming the lead role in this action thriller, but as it turns out it would hav been more suited to Jerry Lewis or Don Knotts as it read more like an over the top comedy spoof ie. Naked Gun or Scary Movie except with a mystery angle. As if Agatha Christie ate a couple handfuls of shrooms while leaving a hash bar and ran into Rod Serling who happened to be peaking on some LSD 25 which got their collaboratory creative juices flowing. However just before the last chapter they both sobered up and just walked away. I don’t mean to be rude, but this story has great potential but it rambles along without direction seemingly, never quite revealing itself to the reader. It doesn’t carry you along the journey, it jostles you around like a drunken taxi driver. Then it drops you off way short of your intended destination, in an unfamiliar neighborhood, right at sundown and without gps or a road map. Albeit zany and all over the place, it was still a fun read. It reminds me of a roller coaster at a theme park, your taken for a short ride with crazy ups and downs and sharp turns, ending up right where you started, yet you find yourself back in line, excitedly anticipating the sheer thrills again. Call me crazy but I’ll give it 4 stars 3 1/2 really but would have given it 5 if I would lent have had to find my own way home in the end.

A decent juvenile wish fulfillment story that suffers from a lack of focus and rough writing. It was especially jarring when you switched between "I did this" and "Karl did that" since I thought that "I" WAS Karl.

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Some words of advice that aren't just my own. Take better care when naming you characters. There was nothing in the story to justify having a Candy and a Cindy. Add in that he suddenly is a candy tycoon and it's just confusingly ridiculous. A good rule of thumb is to not even give two characters the same first initial, so having them differ by a single character is a really bad idea.

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To add to the confusing aspects of the story, the story does not fit this category. Yes, there was some extramarital sex, but it was all side stories that were quickly forgotten about (even by you). I do applaud you for using tags, although they are just as chaotic as your story and aren't overly useful.

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In conclusion, I mostly enjoyed it. It was better than most of the other stories that shouldn't have been posted here and not as bad as quite a few of the ones that do belong in Loving Wives.

just got too busy with characters and things happening, lost me on page 2

I quit at two pages in, was this supposed to be narrated in the first person by someone constantly high, is that why everything is disjointed skips around temporally like a like a time machine designed by someone on meth and ketamine? Is that why sentences stop halfway thru delivering information and in in the equivalent of a stoner staring at a wall for 45 minutes?

Damn Wolf, you hit this one way out of the park with a Grand Slam! Fuck me that was an excellent story once I got it cleaned up. Damn man, we need to get together for those lessons I offered you. You definitely don't need any help with plots or character build just Grammar and that was my life for 22 years. This was fucking genius man! 5 FUCKING HUGE BIG ASS FUCKING BLAZING NOVA STARS. 5 truthfully isn't enough for this one. Thank you once again!

All it would take to made it Complete would be the MC with the Name Chev Chelios

awakes a memory about the Crank Movies with Stratham ...

Liked it. Though I thought that I would have probably enjoyed it more if I had been drunk. Good start for a multi-part story.

Great outline for a longer story. Needs more flesh on its bones..Then part 2,3 and 4