All Comments on 'All In A Night's Work Ch. 02'

Rob,

An excellent story. The contrast between this and the first part makes it seem even better. I could practically feel the sunshine. I'm glad Mary Ellen managed to let herself come back to the forefront and I think you could add "happily ever after" to the end of this piece. I enjoyed it immensely.

To a good story.

Thank you:This is much better than the other way it ended, I still think all the killing in the first part was unnecessary, however this is an excellent finish for these two.Again thanks

The original "All In A Night's Work" was a very strong work, but I thought the ending was just too dark! Thanks for giving Mary Ellen a chance to be alive.

Now you have done it . . .

You have made me want more! I want to see more of Mary Ellen. Are you going to do a Chapter 3? If so, are the characters in this story going to remain in a world separate from your other series, or you going to merge them into your "Robyn Connors" stories?

Sikeston42

Had previously enjoyed reading your Shannon's Revenge. The ending on this one, like the ending on that one, sems a little rushed. You write a good story expressing a lot of emotion. You bolster that with a lot of action, a good combination. Your characters are well rounded and believable. you have obiously thought them out very well. I am now going to read another of your stories. I know I will enjoy it also.

The first chapter was a little too dark for my tastes, but it had a kind of logic about it. This doesn't.

Part of the reason for killing her or selling her was that she (Sweet Thing) knows too much. The rationalization that Sweet Thing is dead and Mary Ellen is alive doesn't change anything. Also, his statement that if things don't work out they would simply part is ridiculous. It doesn't take first hand knowledge about the life of a hired killer to know this: you don't leave loose ends. She'd be a loose end.

Add to that the fact that he told her that if she pisses him off he'll kill her. Unless he suddenly has the ability to read her mind, he can only assume she's acting nice is to keep him from being pissed off.

Again, unless she suddenly can read his mind a see that he really does love her, her only real chance of survival is to kill him first. Every action -- every single one -- has portrayed her as a lying deceitful person. If she's doing all of the cooking, he'd better have her taste all of it first.

Looks like someone forgot to read "the real reason....."

Throwing her overboard was just a joke. A little dark but a joke.

They're now a great couple.

They could maybe make a good adventure couple, traveling the world, getting into intriguing situations. He has the connections for coverage.

Looks like someone forgot to read "the real reason....."

Throwing her overboard was just a joke. A little dark but a joke.

They're now a great couple.

They could maybe make a good adventure couple, traveling the world, getting into intriguing situations. He has the connections for coverage.

Dude, you jumped the fucking shark! Part one was intense, emotional, and real. Part two just threw in a smug fairy tale ending. You lost the revenge factor and forgot rule number one when you write about a lying bitch: Once a lying bitch always a lying bitch. They otta hit some rough water and have him lose her to mother ocean. Bring back the raw emotion. It along with your intrinsic knowledge of the unfamiliar sets you apart from the average writer...am guessing you made up with wifey in between parts one and two?

This, as all of you work, I have liked. I think that there could be a third story to expand their future.

Now that was more like it I Loved that ending.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga.

wimp as a hero type killer is a bit much. Such a man would be to aware of his surroundings and happenings to let much go by him. The second chapter is hey I am on LSD and this train is doing fine. Neither character comes thru as real. We all have many facets to our lives, some more than others, often our partners dont even know those stories and therein lies the devil.

I wrote a story that also featured an assassin entitled Betrayal. I think yours is better developed. My hitman didn't kill his unfaithful wife nor would he consider any reconciliation. Usually, I'd say burn the bitch. In this case I'm not so sure. If I were the protagonist I would surely watch her very closely.

the same woman that was such a bitch is now this wounderful beautiful mate? that change can come from survival instincts where she learns and waits until she acts. cynical, me? let her served you food, drink, anything? i have my doubts. sam was right, there are others, and to believe the metamorphis? threats can come from more than the obvious muscle bound guys, where she can e just as lethal

pRETTY UNBELIEVABLE FANTASY BUT ENTERTAINING WITH A HAPPY ENDING. yOU ALWAYS WRITE WELL. CONGRATULATIONS!

60 YEAR OLD gEORGE

Too eratic, too contradictory, too unbelieveable.

anon jerry

wont bother with the false IDs et al. She was fucking around, where is the medical testing? She was, is a slut, nothing has changed that. Fuck her all you want then dump her into the ocean. Then find a real woman, not one that is mentally ill.

Why in hell would you fuck up such a great story?......There is no reason for him to do all he did in the first chapter to take her back in this one!

You really need to grow a spine!!!!

It's Rob's story, let him tell it...and shut the fuck UP! Go ahead, Rob...tell the story...there's lots of room for a real tale here...

Crap from start to fnish. 2nd worst story I've had the misfortune to read on Literotica. I think you've been watching too many Hollywood thrillers.

Tanny

You pulled this one off much better. It was a cute little fiction story much suited for TV!

Had fun reading this one. Going to your library to see what's on the shelf!

Scene 2 in a good action thriller. I still think it would make a good action movie.

The "injection" was not enough unless it was provided by a djin.

I have no objection to a "happy ending", but it needs to be plausible.

Dude you were over the top anyway with the CIA / grenades/ money etc.. but Deus ex Machina with the personality - that is just not allowed.

She betrayed, stall his money, humiliated him to no limit and then he forgave her.

This kind of logic suitable for some masohcist.

with the ending. no cuck there - he killed off the bitch and kept the real love.

That she lived - the how and why was - again - fun -

And sometimes sluts CAN go straight.

Your characters end up pathetic wimps no matter how they start.

This ending didn't do it for me. It was a little scattered for my taste and the ending was awful, again, my taste.

A big tough killer would have followed through.

He used to do black ops for the CIA. You could have had an entire chapter under nonconsent to depict his old buddy Samson's use of mind controlling drugs and psychological conditioning to break her down and rebuild her personality to suit Brady's desire for a loving, faithful wife.

She fucks him over, leaves him for 'Bruno' and is getting banged by him and he takes her back after she threatened him? Nope, the injection should be real.

Fucking gross.

The sudden personality shift from deceptive sociopathic whore to faithful gentle country girl was too quick

In the next (unwritten) chapter she would revert to the stronger personality.

How is it possible to change character so quickly and unbelievably? Two different sets of characters in the same person? Destroys part I. 2* and 2* for part 1 because of this crap ending.

not everybody can have it. TK U MLJ LV NV

I wish I had never read CH. 2. 1 star.

This author is the biggest cucks pussy wimp on this site.... My God he must be pathetic to write this garbage.......

I like the fuck-em-all Chapter 1, but i liked Chapter 2 better. Good one.

Everybody's entitled to their own opinion; SHIT or SUGAR. I think that the author did a pretty good job with vastly differing styles, character and writing, between Chs. 01 & 02. I give him ***** for his efforts.

How anyone can possibly write Chap 1 and 2 and expect anyone to believe them as being other than the delusional writings of a pimply faced 14 year old is beyond me.

This is pure dreamer garbage.

The comment about the Waffle House made me think about the ones I visited in Atlanta. I think that shit's true.

How in the world could he be in love with a woman he never knew? He fell in love with Sweet Thing as they both acknowledged. And no matter what, Bruno was stil fucking her, whoever she was. No... the killer within him would not have allowed the betrayal. She fucked behind his back so having the means to put her in a position where she'd be fucked for the rest of her short life unwillingly would be right up the alley of a heartless killer.

Not as good as part one. That one was a real BTB.

Really quite liked the whole story... even the forgiving of a cheating bitch BUT lets not forget the old mantra.... TRUST BUT VERIFY!!!!

About as dumb as you can get.

A bit too schizophrenic for me

WTF. . Was that? You took a pretty good story and fuqued it up with a part two ! Take a small win, once in a while. 3 stars

Good Twist, I loved it instead of death, he gave her a knock-out drug... No intentions of killing her... new identity, new life and now she knows her husband is no wimp... and from what he said... They're both "dead".