All Comments on 'All Mine'

very nice start. a bit short, even for a first chapter.

First: good job for your first story!! Second: PART 2!! Seriously this is HOT I can't wait for the next one!

Really enjoyed it, looking forward to part 2 :)

I like it, slow it down slightly, maybe? Either make it so her arousal overwhelms her and then when she calms down she berate's herself or slow it down/make him more forceful. otherwise its a tad... unrealistic? or maybe less depth of plot/charactor would be a better way. Keep going, onto ch. 2 i go

JC

P.S. recoment if you want a proof reader/editor

bravo loved it looking ofrward to part two