All Comments on 'All That Glitters Ch. 22'

I am rarely driven to comment online but once in a while I find myself inclined to share a thought in response to something inspiring. I have thoroughly enjoyed the rich and engaging story you have so generously shared here but more than that your "tirade" is truly inspiring!

Just my opinion, obviously, and I havent read the entire chapter yet, but felt compelled to write this. I do not read, especially in 2020, to be sad or disheartened. I read for enjoyment. Similarly for tv, I dont watch the news as they only report the bad stuff or complete b.s. I fully expect to be done reading this series very shortly based on your new parameters for writing and just wanted to say, I truly enjoyed reading your work up until now. Thank you for providing those hours of distraction and enjoyment. I hope that you know that even in these shitty times you have been helping me to have something to look forward to.

Not only was the story, again, great, but the thoughts of you, as the writer, were also appreciated as they echo my own. Being an engineer and one who is trying to enthuse the younger generation into taking up the challenge, I have to remind the young students that imagination is important. As engineers, we take the blank page to final product and have to tell the whole story of the production of the new gadget or gizmo. Writers and engineers are alike. we have to be able to tell a story.

Glad that things seem to be gradually coming about for the Senator and that the main heroes of the tale are gaining better protections. Keep up the good work and I, for one, look forward to the next installment of this and any other story you write.

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Devir Ginator

This chapter feels a little bit more scattered than that previous ones - I think your pacing is off and the chapter should have been stretched out a bit more.

As for your future plans... As one of those young writers myself (though, without a clue what a "wordsmithing program" is), I find your rant about the loss of emotion and appreciation for writing *rather* ironic.

Determining the results of your story by a roll of the dice is simply put: lazy. If you're facing writer's block, that's completely okay; it happens to all of us! Take a break to clear your head and come back to the story when you can. (But make sure you write regularly, even if on completely unrelated subjects.)

An author lives and dies on their plot - and if not even the author has a clue where their story is going, it's going to show. You've mentioned that you never intended for this story to go even this long, and I do really think that both you and your readers are feeling the effects of that.

I suggest you take the time to outline where the story is going, what the important scenes are, and so forth. This chapter is an example of what I'm talking about - it's much less focused than your norm, and feels like a mixture of, "I need them to be here to move the plot along," "Oh, this is a cool idea," and, "Oh crap, this is supposed to be erotic, let's throw in a sex scene with this random unknown character who won't be seen again."

I know this may feel like harsh criticism, but it's coming from a place of support. I know that you can be a good writer, I love the story that you're weaving, and I want to see you produce the best story possible.

Regarding killing main characters: I'm working on a rather expansive bit of sci-fi myself and am also going to kill the "main" character about halfway in. I already know exactly the circumstances of their demise (despite that moment still being real-life years and literally hundreds of written pages away), what decisions will lead to it, and the consequences following it.

My opinion on this topic is to *not* do what GoT did (because the last two seasons were just dumb -.-), but rather to remember what ASoIaF started: establishing a world where people can become victims of the circumstances, make decisions according to their own agendas and goals, and suffer the consequences for it. That is what made ASoIaF/GoT so compelling, that the "good" guys could make bad decisions and *not* get away without suffering the consequences (aka "play stupid games, win stupid prices"). That was the prime aspect, not the tits and incest and gratuitous violence.

Don't kill a main character because it would be a convenient way to spike the story with drama, or for the shock value. Kill a main character when it makes sense. When they've been too careless in dangerous situations, when they've underestimated a lethal opponent, when they've put themselves into a vulnerable position without an escape plan. Far too much of modern storytelling completely drops the ball on this - yes, I'm looking at you Discovery and Picard (-.-).

For example, I found the second pirate attack on LMC-23 in chapter 17 to be a very good example of how to kill named/known/recurring characters. Quite a lot of those died in that battle, but not a single one of them felt cheap or lazy or unnecessary to me. All of them were believable and had a reason behind them.

Some died because they became victims of the circumstances, like the wounded miners getting murdered in the infirmary because they would be worthless as slaves. Others because they weren't paying attention on the battlefield, like the crew of Rockhound 528 who missed a pirate vessel turning a gun turret their way. And again others because of the decisions they made, like the people in Central Ops not immediately evacuating the unarmored space-facing control room when the whole station was getting pelted with torps and missiles.

If you want to amp up the risk factor for the protagonists, maybe you could simply not let them get away without a scratch from dangerous situations anymore instead of outright killing them. Flesh wounds, burn scars, broken bones, getting winged by a stray bullet, and so on could serve as a happy medium in between "invincible plot armor" and "insta-gib," especially if it does put them out of action for some time and introduces some other complications.

Just as a thought experiment: let's say you wanted to kill Fiona. To me it would feel like a bad idea to just have someone sneak into her quarters and slit her throat while she's asleep. Aside from not really logically working within the established boundaries of the story (24/7 personal bodyguard, high security on the station, probably metal/weapon detectors on every entrance to the vip office/living areas, doors locked with personal codes/biometrics, etc.) it would feel gratuitous and as if it was done just for the shock value.

On the other hand, if Fiona decides to visit a sick family member on Earth and refuses to bring any security along because she "doesn't want to draw unnecessary attention" the situation is completely different. In this case she's willingly taking the risk, gambling on being able to fly under the radar while knowing that she's got a juicy bounty on her head. And if that fails and a hitman does find her and eventually puts a bullet in her neck, then that's a consequence of her own decisions.

Sure, accidents can always happen. But considering the plot armor some characters have had in the past it would feel quite disappointing to lose a main character to an actual mundane car crash or structural failure or something like that.

And as for the whole dice thingy: let me just say that the D&D group I've played with in the past had the rule that the DM always rolled all dice in the open. While this sometimes was absolutely hilarious, it also royally screwed up the campaign in several instances due to unexpected and very untimely character deaths. If you're really serious about this, I hope you're prepared to face the situation of losing Liea, Raymond, and Annett in a single chapter.

Warmonger: Sorry to see you go, but this is an adventure series with epic battles on a large, and small scale. There are going to be casualties and, while the times now out there are chaotic, good storylines are meant to engage the reader, but the term "Good storyline" does not necessarily mean good news storyline. Please accept that fate sometimes gets in the way of us all, in fictional life, as in real life.

Abiostudent: I know the rough direction of my story, and not all the battles are given to the "lazy" method, though I do not find writting to fate dropped by dice as lazy writting in the least. It is a challenge for me. I adopted this method because I could not compel myself to kill off any of the characters I have spent so much time creating. If you are familiar with dungeons and dragons game play, the dice are weighted in favor of the more powerful player, but every so often, they turn on the strong player in favor of the weaker. Thus, the storyline will move more or less in the direction I want, with a few bumps in the road. That said, those bumps have so far produced some pretty serious rewrites of what I had intended. Not lazy at all.

To the other commentators, thank-you for your words and thoughts, they are greatly appreciated.

Thanks again for this remarkably good read with a story that both grows and stands out! I am thoroughly enjoying the webs you are weaving...the characters...the different things going on...the whole tall tale...you make it believable!

All the previous commenters bring up excellent points, Me, I just love this Space Adventure! Can't wait for you to get to those Bad Ass Aliens. Five Stars plus from this old Jarhead, Semper Fi!

Just WOW . As a father I try to get my kids to read books not a screen. You are right we are loosing the imaginative mind .

Another excellent Chapter in this epic saga! Thank you for your hard work and sharing it with us!

I love it when the story that I am reading makes me feel like I'm right there living the adventure.

Kevin

Love it. ROLL THE DICE !!😎

This story just keeps getting better!

I gave you five stars for this story, strictly because of your end of chapter comments. I could not agree more. /Salute

JT.Krysalys

Writing is a talent. Being able to read that art is a blessing. Thanks for this story.

Fantastic. And I completely agree with your point that the written word leads to the kind of images that the video format simply cannot do. Thank you. Thoroughly enjoying the story . 5 stars all the way

I love, love, LOVE this story! And you are so right about the written word versus the video 'word'. As a new middle aged man (I just turned 60), I remember with great fondness of the Gray Lensmen, the continuing voyages of the starship Enterprise, the heroes of Shannara, and of course the tales of Middle Eaerth!

With a professional editor , I think this could be published! I for one would be proud to have this on my bookshelf! And even though you're 'publishing' it through Literotica, there are many who would miss this great tale because it's on a 'smutty porn site'. I've read many other stories that have detailed sex scenes in them, and the primary story always came through, as it does with yours.

So glad I stumbled upon your story. Truly a great read.

Thank you very much.

Now back to reading more of this awesome book.