All Comments on 'All That'

Your crazed rambling’s and incoherent conundrum of a narration....get an editor...

Better still stop writing and do us a favour!

Quite a powerful story. I love your writing style. Reminds me of James Joyce, somehow. A stirring portrait of unhappy people in unhappy lives, carrying on nevertheless. Five stars -- JB Edwards

Felt like I was reading thru a drug haze

Really nice narrative, way more than just a LW story. First class, however you will not get that recognition in this genre.

Hope you will be back soon, way too long between drams, and the amber is not cheap anymore!

Knew if JB enjoyed it then real men would not. The writer enjoys giving pain and sorrow to hubby while slut wife gets off with little to no consequences. Just shite

It's not erotica.

Your pronouns have no antecedents. Your dialogue is stilted. Your characters all behave shamefully, so we can't tell one from another. You use figures of speech that are unknown outside of Australia. So the biggest flaw/asset--your presumption that an attentive reader doesn't need road signs to follow the plot--fails. While this COULD be a recipe for a literary masterpiece if it were executed better, it's. Just. Incoherent.

And maybe I'm obtuse, but what were the 'consequences' of her behavior? I didn't see a ny. Your description of the story appears to be fraudulent.

Stories paint us a verbal picture, this one was like a Rorschach ink blot. I couldn’t tell one person from the next with no clear understanding of their motives. No real erotica and no real dialogue.

Not sure where it belongs but not in LW.

Even if I could understand it, I still wouldn't care for it.

dont faff about with the flowery comments, it was total crap

I think maybe RW43 was on to something with his comment.

I found it very hard to slog my way through this one—most of the time I had to go back to check who was talking. That’s not good when you are asking readers to suspend belief and enjoy your story. Yet your story did seem to have a strange attraction that kept me from stopping reading and going to another.

All in all I think a 3 is about right for a score and it seems to be in keeping with your other scores.

THANKS FOR THE EFFORT! CD

Really superb writing. One must pay close attention and get into the dialect and the swing of the sentences. The characters of Mark and the narrator stand clear, etched deeply by the styli of her words. Thank you.

This was simply unreadable.

No stars as even giving this garbage one star would be an insult to the star.

Well beyond most commentators on this thread.

Three emotional dimensions wide, and ruthlessly accurate, with a quartz-like rhythm that would rival an ICBM.

Good work mate!!

WTF was this?

Brutal. The husband and wife are mismatched.

Trash and crap all together.V

Has the kernal of a very good story.

I don't think I read the same story as some of these other commenters. Maybe they're just being sarcastic, or trying to be funny.

Not sure who she is most incompatible with. Certainly a woman headed for problems no matter what she decides. What a bunch of losers.

Yes, there are marriages like that. Sometimes they last a lifetime and end up killing both partners. Sometimes they are childless and over easy. I liked the explanations and the style of writing. You let us see in her head, what she needed and fought to have, a real man.

No it isn't approved by the Moral Majority, will never be in Readers Digest. But it is a tough, hard-hitting bit of prose that doesn't take the easy way out.

R.

You didn’t spell everything out for us. The reader had to do some work. I really wanna know where everyone was gonna be in a couple of years. It felt almost like noir to me. Good job! Liked the style and the story.

Couldn't understand what you were trying to say.

For those who cannot comprehend my own language, I just said: your writing made no sense.

Load of gibberish,couldn't tell who was who.

Well done. I think some people just cant follow the story unless it is following the same bog standard this happenned then thag happenned chronological script. Dont mind the negative comments. Keep being unique, it's refeshing.

If anonymous 05/04/20 is that clever,perhaps he can explain this goobledegook to us mere mortals.

The semi first person was difficult to follow.

And it’ll didn’t end....

Stupid story hard to follow and hard to understand.

Scores 1/5, hopeless.

What kinda horrible trollop is this beast?

Can someone interpret this and post it as a comment?

What the ?? Plenty of words but were they in the right order?, sorry I just didn’t get this, yes sex but no story that really makes sense

??????

… not being able to follow the plot means it’s genius, this must be truly f’ing brilliant.