All Comments on 'Allison & Clark'

Seriously, she's 23? And not mentally defective? Her personality seemed uneven. The dialogue needs a fair amount of work, especially toward the beginning. Also, this line [[[...]she still had her twat stuck to his face like a suction cup on glass window.]]

was hilarious. Good imagery! I'm not rejecting your work as worthless, but you should have a few editors look it over before you submit it again.

Not everyone is capable of submitting some great literary masterpiece, but I don't think this is a writing competition quite yet. In fact, some of the best writers on this site couldn't give a rat's ass what most of their "literary critics" say about their work. Keep doing your thing and the great majority of us will enjoy it just fine! Thanks for your work.

I just had to comment: That was one of the best mispellings I've ever seen. Thanks for the smile.

Also, yes I liked the story but I had a hard time believing she was a virgin at 23. If I hadn't read that part I would be happy imagining she was 18 or so.

This was interesting to read. It wasn't normal. The descriptions used and word choices were interesting because things weren't perfect. I had a fun time reading this, it was unusual and creative. Also, the chick did seem a bit childish at 23. I had to reread her age after I started reading the story because she didn't act like she should mentally at the age she is.

i like the characters... you need to add to their story i wanna know what happens to them and also write more it's good

another writer that slept during health class and is probably a virgin. the hymen is at the entrance of the vagina not several inches inside either do some research before writing or only write about what you know, which in this case is nothing. why are they still at home? at 23 she is well out of college and at 21 he should be out as well or just graduating. both should be working and have money enough to get an apartment together. i agree with most other readers she sounds about 14 not 23 this reads like you took a story about underage kis=ds and changed the ages but didn't make the story age appropriate NEEDS A TOTAL REWRITE. NEGATIVE VOTE FOR SLOPPY UNREALISTIC WRITING

Your story is uneven. You get simple anatomical facts wrong and your characters are extremely unrealistic. There are several punctuation and grammatical errors. I think you should continue writing so I gave you three stars, but please find a qualified editor that can give you some tips on writing.

I literally slept through sex ed so I have no idea if you made mistakes in anatomy. Also people are complicated, not all 23 year olds are all that mature emotionally. So I could believe it. Good job.

After reading the first few sentences I subtracted ten years from both their ages. Then it fit my recollection of "coming of age" experiences. Of course then the story could not be published on this forum.