All Comments on 'Allison and Robert'

Hope to see more !

This gives no hint of first time, more like erotic couplings.

You started in third person and immediately slipped into first person.

You slipped from present tense to past tense (especially when sleep CAM easy).

Sloppy work. Needs an editor.

gave it a 5 for your effort and to piss off asshole annony!!

why are the people that complain the most afraid to sign their names.

it was a good story you need to proof read it more closley

You start off the story with two sentences from two different voices/perspectives:

"Allison arrives home with anticipation for night ahead. Tonight I will meet the man behind the words that tease and excite me."

The first sentence is from a third-person perspective (told by someone from outside the story, like a narrator). Then, in the second sentence, you switch to telling the story from a first-person perspective (Someone within the story: Allison).

This switching of perspectives is confusing to the reader.

Then you proceed to switch tenses back and forth, from past tense (describing events which have already happened) to present tense (describing things as though they are currently happening). Some examples:

"He obliges and moves us both toward the bedroom trying to unhook my bra and walk. I started to work on removing his belt and unbuttoning his pants while he carried me."

the verbs "obliges" and "moves" are Present Tense, while "started and "carried" are Past Tense.

This switching of tenses is also confusing to the reader.

While switching perspectives and/or tenses CAN be done for certain effects, here it seems to be unintentional. You say that this is your first story, so I will assume that you are new to writing, and suggest that you choose ONE perspective and ONE tense for a story and stick to it. It is simpler and more straightforward, making it both easier to read and to write.

-Rei

It is good they are looking forward to getting together again. but I won't be there.