All Comments on 'Always Pt. 01'

Great beginning!

5

A few pages too long. It didn't reach out and grab me.

Sorry, but I couldn't fit into your story for two (personal) reasons

- first of all the sequence or the accumulation of accidents of life (loss of his family, youth of a slut, death of his best friend, rape .......) do not constitute or are not the guaranteed recipe for a good story.

- I found a lot of adolescent type situations or behavior. I found that he lacked maturity and I admit I wondered about the age of the author.

This is just a personal feeling and in no way denigrates your passion for writing.

Thank you for sharing.

Please don’t wait long before posting the next chapter. Great story.

Excellent! Keep it coming.

An excellent start. As I get accused by my editors, it seemed a little wordy in parts. But I'm anxiously awaiting part 2 (and beyond?).

Well done, can’t wait for the rest of the story!

You hit all the bases on Writers' Workshop checklists re composition, spelling, punctuation, story development from start to finish, etc., with enough variation in mood and action to keep things interesting. Subplot strands-- such as the conflict with Tiffany's parents and the playing out of the rapists' trial(s) were left dangling but were not crucial to the main plot's outcome. The only quibble I have is the "dream sequence" with Mike's late wife and kids which--though needed to facilitate the final bonding of Mike and Tiffany--was more than a little saccharine and convenient.

This was a Hallmark Movie in print form and written well enough to be a good one. Thanks for the entertainment. Keep writing.

Loved this first part. Can't wait to see how the Wicked Mother (Marjorie) tries to screw up their lives.

A bit of an abrupt ending to an otherwise great story

Wow - What an immersive story. I felt like I was really there with the MCs. I’m really looking forward to the next part. Be nice to Mike and Tiff, they’ve gone through enough in the story arc. LOL 5*

Great story, feeling bad what happened to Tiff and her friends. Glad to know Mike had no second thoughts about distrusting her. 8 just wish she'd quit the alcohol altogether!

Wonderful well told story. I’ll share it with my wife. Five stars.

Wonderful well told story. I’ll share it with my wife. Five stars.

Good story, well told. No one could accuse you of making life easy for your characters but they shine through it all. Very nicely done. Thank you

Great storyline. Really wish Mike would have good Spec Ops on the rapist. Maybe a sequel?

Great story. Very well done. Very emotional. Looking forward to the next chapter.

5stars

As person who has edited 8 novels and written several, and who has writing every week as a part of a job description, I think this is about as good as can be for a relatively new author. This story is well constructed for many possible future avenues to explore. Highly recommended and am anxiously awaiting publcation of part 2.

THC

Loved this story so far. Looking forward to “the rest of the story.”

Thanks

The story was so awkward after the sexual assault and how it was told. I’m definitely in for part 2 but not as excited as I was for the first 5 pages. 4*

This may be the very best story I’ve read on literotica. I hope it won’t be long until you post the second part!

Great story. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

Good read, but felt a little short-changed by the abrupt ending. The rape incident needed a closure. Arrest of the culprits was left hanging like a loose thread. Still way above some of the stories on this site.

Solid story. This was well-written, complex by Literotica standards, and engaging. This story definitely will need resolution for the rapists, with a possible revelation that they were rich “entitled” students whose families are in Tiffany’s evil mother’s circle of friends to drop some eye-opening guilt on the mom.

Excellent story.

I disagree about needing closure about the rapists. The story is about Mike and Tiffany, and that was appropriately resolved.

The story was well-written and a very comfortable read.

Thanks

So so unrealistic. Sorry but it was a waste if my time.

This was pretty good. I could have enjoyed it more without some of the drama, in particular Tiffany's rape and subsequent suicide attempt. I don't think that it was needed or necessary to prove Mike's motivation in any particular way, 🤔 You could have removed all of that from the story without damaging it at all.

There's also a few other areas that felt out of sync. If you're going to have the ghosts of Beth, Grace, and David appear in his dream to give him blessings and goodbyes, then you should have had them protecting him from the nightmares as well. I didn’t like how that was presented either.

I would give you a 4.65 vote, but we're restricted to the use whole numbers 1-5. 5/5

Excellent read! Thanks!!

Mostly well written and probably a bit more complex than is normal of this site, so I get where some readers felt it was too complicated by the spring break rape incident. If the problem with university sexual abuse and date rape drugs was not so unfortunately prevalent it would have been less believable, however it is all too frequent to dismiss. Tiffany’s mother being an outright ogre was more problematic to me. Everyone else in her immediate family is wonderful and it is just too easy to have totally black and white characters, as much as it serves the plot line.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I happy that you continued the story and look forward to reading it. Thank you for the time and effort you have put into writing Mike and Tiffany’s story.

I want to like this more than I did, but there is too much that kept taking me out of the story.

-

There was so much repetition in dialogue, just beating a very dead horse. It could have been edited down a great deal, the story would have had better flow, and I wouldn't have skimmed a lot of paragraphs. Another thing that struck me throughout was that the dialogue didn't seem natural. It was too formal, not how real people speak to each other.

-

There was plenty of grief over Mike's wife specifically, but his children were always treated like add-ons. We don't see him grieve at all for his young children, and given how loving of a person he's been painted, I kept wondering how his children had essentially been glossed over. I feel like that's a glaring omission. If the dialogue had been edited down there would have been time for details that matter - like grief for his kids he'll never see grow up.

-

Then there were things like Mike's final dream with his family. His wife was very explicit in her message, everyone knows our dreams often come from our subconscious, and Mike and Tiffany had already made their feelings and long-term intentions towards each other clear in all the repetitive dialogue, so although quite pat, the dream made perfect sense. But then Mike told Tiffany about it and she asked what he thought it all meant. Seriously? It's like these people are talking at each other without the other ever paying attention, otherwise they wouldn't ask dumb questions like that or repeat themselves so damn much.

-

As a woman, I feel like the roofie gang bang rapes and subsequent suicide attempt was not dealt with properly or realistically. Everyone reacts differently, sure, but I can't imagine a situation where any woman would wake up from a suicide attempt after being drugged and gang raped and be like, let's go meet your family for the first time! I'm going to put your dick in my mouth every day until I'm ready for PIV again! Wtf. I was barely hanging on, but that's where my interest in these two characters ended. I hate to say this, because it might sound like a fallback criticism, but I think it's very true here: it reads like it was written by a man - to the detriment of that subplot. The author is a competent writer, and better than many on this site, but I've no interest in reading the subsequent chapters.

I was hesitant to read this one, especially after just finishing the beautiful and tragic tear-inducing story that is Southern Cross, but I said, "what the hell", and dove right in. Right away there was tragedy and I realised it was going to be one of those kinds of stories, so I decided to ride it out.

The dream sequence with his wife and kids reminded me of the powerful dream sequences in another story I read a while back, The River. In that story, the main character lost his wife and unborn child to a drunk driver like in this story, and his periodic dream sequences showed how he was coping with the loss and moving on as he found new love - and each one I found to be very moving, never failing to bring a few tears to my eyes. I recommend that story if this one is your kind of thing (it has an incest flavour mind you since his new love is his sister, but honestly, I don't find it to be key point of the story).

It was hard reading that, not soon after he finally made love to Tiffany, that her and her friends were attacked, drugged and raped (including 2 18yo virgins, christ). That came out of nowhere although I did suspect something like this was coming given the set up but I didn't think it would go that far. Oh, and then she tried to kill herself afterwards. Jeezus, I swear if those lowlife scum don't get what's coming to them... I think the story could have done without such a horrifying thing. Seems like it was included for shock value more than anything. I would love if rape was banned from these stories as it's just too horrible to think about and no one should ever have to hear about, let alone endure, such a trauma. Sadly, I feel like this inclusion taints the story a bit too much. It really wasn't necessary.

The plot seems juvenile, it’s the second story from you I can’t get past page one

Skipped to last page just to give you 1 ⭐️