Am I Really Gay? Pt. 01

I stared at the little blue pill in my palm for several seconds, then I poured two more Viagras into my hand. "Fuck it, this stuff doesn't really work anyway," I thought, as I threw the handful of pills into the back of my throat and chased them with a glass of water.

I thought erection pills were supposed to give you an instant hard-on. It turns out they only enhance the blood-flow actions that are already taking place. They don't have any effect on what or who makes you excited. And yet my wife, Delphina, was expecting big things tonight, big hard things.

My wife and I live in a suburb of the Bay Area. We're DINKs (Dual Incomes No Kids) and we've been together for three years now. The last year has been difficult. Our relationship has been strained by frustration in the bedroom. She would like us to be having more sex, (more than zero), and I'm feeling like I've subverted my real sexuality my whole life.

I was in great shape and confident in myself. I had always been passionate about working out, and I had done some modeling, nude and clothed. I had a very nice body, I had been told many times, and I liked to show it off. Before becoming a firefighter I was a fitness trainer. I had several clients who liked to flirt, including straight women and gay men. I dated many women during my trainer days, but when I met Delphina I was looking for a more permanent relationship.

My wife is an extremely confident and competent executive assistant for a high end law firm and I'm a firefighter. Mine is a very male-oriented field. In my line of work weakness is not tolerated and all forms of machismo and masculinity are celebrated. Thats not to say that there are only men, or only ones who are straight, in the fire service, but they like to think that's the case.

We only have two females in my department, and no gays, that I'm aware of. It would be catastrophic to one's reputation and career to be out as a gay male in my department. There's only one guy, Joe, a friend in a different department, who I suspect is gay. He's a great guy and I really enjoy hanging out with him and attending classes and training together, but he's never shared his orientation with me in any of our conversations.

The reason I suspect he might secretly be gay is because he is single, extremely handsome, buffed, always working out, and I've never seen him date anyone. In our world of locker room towel snapping and grab ass, accusing one another of being gay or sucking cock is very common is meant in jest. A few times I've traded banter with Joe but felt like he was only kidding about kidding. "Hey, Joe, why don't you come over here and suck my cock!" I laughed.

"Hmm, you'd like that wouldn't you?" he'd quipped back, smirking. "In fact, since you're so enthralled by sucking cock, why don't you wrap your lips around my cock while I play with your ass."

"Ha ha, you always have to go too far," I fired back. "Did he actually wink at me when he said that?" I asked myself. It was in that context that gayness or sucking cock ever entered a conversation with me. Sure, like every guy, I had imagined how it would feel to be penetrated, rather than being the penetrator; how it must feel incredible to have a man so turned on by me that his rigid cock pushes past my resistant asshole, going deeper with each thrust, and ending with him coming great loads of semen to paint my sphincter walls. All guys have wondered that.

Delphina, my wife, would be considered a trophy wife, but she was way more than just her looks. The white shoe attorneys at her office had often made the mistake of assuming that because she was a knock-out she was a pushover. It was great to see them leave her office with their tails, and their cocks, tucked between their legs. Whenever we went to a group setting, people tended to put us in the she/he-is-so-lucky-to-be-fucking-him/her-category. We looked like the "perfect couple."

Delphina was exceptionally sexy by any normal standard. She was a Mediterranean mix of ancestry, with jet black hair, which cascaded down almost to her narrow waist, silky and soft, and she would flip it from one side to the other with a toss of her head. She had big round ass cheeks that bounced softly when she walked, especially in high heels and bikini bottoms, rising and falling like volleyballs gliding together. Her ass was firm and tight, a genetic byproduct of her famous Spanish bodybuilder father and Greek mother.

Her legs were long and shapely, toned and tanned to enhance every curve, with skin as smooth and tight as grape skin. She took great pains to maintain her smooth, soft skin, with a nighttime regimen of lotions and butters that could take over an hour. Her breasts were proportionally as firm, big and supple as her ass cheeks. Delphina loved to squeeze her breasts into a tiny top and let them pour over the edge of her cleavage. Hence the trouble men got into around her at the office.

Her eyes were big, brown, semi-almond shaped, the color of strong coffee. Her mouth was wide and her lips were full and formed a cute pout when she was not overtly smiling. She had gleaming white teeth and a sexy, slight overbite. She was a true pleasure to look at.

Trouble was, we hadn't had sex in months, twice in the last year maybe. But it wasn't because she didn't want to. She was constantly complaining that she needed me to fuck her. She sometimes wore sexy babydoll nighties with crotchless panties to bed. I even came into the bedroom one night to find her on the bed on all fours, head laying on the bed and her big beautiful ass up in the air facing me as I walked in.

Her first two fingers were inserted all the way to her top knuckles in her shaved, juicy pussy. Her pussy lips were full and flushed, gaping, beckoning. A long ribbon of her vaginal lube was hanging suspended, between her parted legs, almost to the bedspread. She moaned as her fingers sloshed back and forth in her creamy cunt, "Come fuck my pussy. Give me that great big cock. I want to ride that shaft until you explode into my pussy!"

Immediately I instinctively dropped my pants as I climbed on the bed behind her. I buried my tongue deep in her pussy and tasted the sweet love lube, more foreplay for myself than for her. My cock was hard and getting harder. I lapped her pussy and licked circles around her clit. She bucked her hips and her sweet, pink, puckered sphincter pressed against my face. I gave a long lick from the top of her pussy all the way up her ass crack, stopping to deeply tongue her asshole for several minutes. I remembered that was the first time I had eaten anyone's ass. It felt natural.

As I rose up to enter her and fuck her doggie style, I grabbed her wide hips with both hands and admired the view of her sopping wet snatch, all but begging for my cock. I went to insert my cock in her cunt and to drive it home and I realized something was wrong. My cock had reversed directions and was now losing altitude. It had gone from my normal 8.5 inches of thick, heavy cock with a pronounced, circumcised helmet, to the consistency of a partly filled water balloon.

This was crazy! I was very turned on by my wife; at least I thought I was until now. I was very sexually active, in general, even if we weren't having sex all that often. I would get very horny and I had been sneaking visits to online porn on my phone, jerking my big dick to all manner of porn. I thought about sex all day, no matter where I was. I thought I might have a sex addiction, for a while. Ironically, my wife was complaining of our lack of sex.

Just the night before, I had been searching some taboo porn sites and I came across a video called I Know Your Secret. I watched it start with a hot Brittany Spears tune in the background and a beautiful blonde model writhing around in her panties. She looked at the camera and said she knew a secret about the viewer. The viewer chose this video for a reason. Images and short clips of beautiful women showing their beautiful boobs, asses and pussies were flashing across the screen, then very short shots of really good looking men with hard cocks were interspersed. Eventually the images of men and their cocks became more frequent. The men's cocks were getting hard, launching cum loads, exploding in women's mouths, pussies and asses, and later filling men's mouths and asses with cum.

In this video a woman was getting ass-fucked by a guy's huge cock, riding up and down like she was riding a horse, she looked back over her shoulder at the camera. She had an expression of absolute bliss. The blonde came back on and said, "You like what you see? You're jealous aren't you? But not of him, you're jealous of her, the woman getting her ass fucked. You're looking at the cocks and men's asses, not the women and their pussies. Your secret is that you're not into girls, you're into guys, and the cocks in this video make you want to jerk off. Start jerking or I'll bring the girls back." She was right. I was super turned on by what I saw and I didn't want to see more pussies, I wanted to see more cocks.

I couldn't believe I was jerking off to a video of men's cocks. The men were beautiful, I had to say. And I was so turned on by their gorgeous, rippling muscles, tight asses, big cocks and masculinity. I really did want to be that woman riding up and down on that guy's big cock. The video went on to extol the wonderfully hedonistic pleasures of submitting to cock, sucking cock, getting your ass fucked, and filling every hole with a dominant man's hot loads of cum. I was so turned on by the end of the video that I shot a load of cum that reached my chin.

The video hit a nerve with me. I did love to watch cocks coming, fucking men's asses, and faces, and imagine myself being the one getting fucked. Now here I was on the bed, on this particular night, with my gorgeous wife, the ultimate sexy beautiful woman, pleading for me to fuck her. And yet what I really wanted was to be the one bent over with my face against the bed, and my ass high in the air, waiting to be penetrated by some big beautiful cock and filled with loads of hot cum. I wanted to wrap my lips around a cock like mine and gag as it pushed deep into the back of my mouth and then forced deeper to blast load after load of cum down my throat. Meanwhile, my cock was getting soft and my wife was getting frustrated.

Did watching that video, or the hundreds of hours of gay porn that followed make me gay? Hardly, I was just letting a little bit of my kink shine through. At least that's what the therapist said, who I started seeing to address my gay-porn addiction. It just happened to get in the way of having sex with my wife on this particular occasion. But, that was 6 months ago and we haven't really had sex since then. We tried several times but it always ended up with me not being excited and with my wife frustrated and angry. She accused me of having an affair, getting my sexual needs met with someone else. I assured her that was not the case.

It's true, I wasn't cheating on her with someone else. I was consuming and jerking off to an immense amount of gay porn though. Sometimes I would have to pull my truck over to the side of the road on the way to work, just so I could watch more videos of guys fucking each other. I would deliberately snore at night to get kicked out of our bed to the guest bedroom where I could edge and jerk off, sometimes all night. I would be exhausted the next day but at night I'd do it again, craving a big cock in my ass and my mouth, but taking a pass on the pussy available in the next room.

I also posted pictures of my well muscled body with a huge hard-on, online on a gay dating site. I got lots of interest and many text buddies but I could never sneak away from my wife long enough to fulfill my fantasy. I got an anal vibrator and would use it to loosen up my sphincter muscle, then fuck my ass with it until I shot loads of cum across the bathroom floor.

I tried doing a forensic analysis of my behavior and figure out when I first noticed an attraction to men. I had visited gay chatrooms ten years before, and had phone sex with a guy from a chat room back then. In retrospect, that was a big indicator. I remembered being fascinated by gay culture as a young kid and getting caught running around naked with a neighbor kid in his backyard. Where those things related? I was hit on by gay men frequently and I enjoyed flirting with them and visually teasing them with my body and my big cock in the gym locker room. Was that their prurient interest, or mine?

Delphina wondered why I recently started shaving my balls and ass. I left a little treasure trail and some stubble on my muscular pecs, but shaved bare around my nipples, to make them stand out and more sensitive to touch. Delphina said she liked men with hairy chests and stomachs and groins. She said I looked like a little boy with hairless nuts. I said something about shaving being the modern trend, like guys wearing beards. I loved how my hairless balls and asshole made my muscular, masculine, sculpted body look feminine and fuckable at the same time. I wanted MEN to be turned on by me and want to take me.

I suspected Delphina was getting her rocks off too. Not with other guys but by herself; there was no way she could keep her own hands off that beautiful snatch for very long. On this particular night, with the Viagra and all, she said she was going to make it easy on me. I didn't know what that meant but I hoped it would relieve her sexual tension.

Just to get to be sure I was ready to perform for her, I got myself suitably aroused, along with the erectile enhancement pills I just took. I surfed some porn in my bathroom. I looked at straight porn and it had no effect on me. I hesitantly switched to gay porn and I got an instant rush. Watching those men get cream-pies and guzzle cum gave me an instant hard-on. I was so hot that I lubed up three fingers and finger-fucked my asshole for a bit before I went up to the bedroom. My cock was already hard when I entered and I found my wife laying on her back, eyes closed, moaning and spread-eagle on the bed.

She had a very realistic looking penis-shaped dildo and was slowly sliding it in and out of her wet cunt. The sound of the vibrator diminishing as it plunged deep into her fuck hole and got loud again as she slid it back out. "Nice!" I thought. I'll get an assist from that phantom cock tonight, if necessary. I knelt on the bed between her wide-spread legs. Her thighs were quivering already. I suspected she already had a few mini-orgasms and was at cruising altitude. My job of performing my husbandly duties just got easier.

I took over operation of the dildo and slipped the vibrator out of her vagina and pushed her thick thighs back so her cunt rotated upward toward the ceiling. My hard cock was very ready to penetrate her and I was just contemplating which angle I wanted to start with. Suddenly my cock started to soften. "Damn, not now!" I thought. I decided to eat her pussy until my cock stiffened back up. As I slurped at her vaginal trough, she started bucking her hips into my face, slathering my chin and cheeks with her love juice, but my cock was still sinking.

"C'mon, give me that python. Fuck my cunt hard! I want your cock now!" she moaned. This is where she would usually grab for my cock and pull it to her pussy entrance and then push her hips forward to impale herself on my cock. I knew that if she felt my softening cock now the night would devolve into frustration and arguments. I concentrated on the thing that would most assuredly turn me on right then.

I looked at my wife's beautiful tits, her soft flat stomach, her big round ass and smooth thick thighs, only I pictured her now with a great big cock and balls pointing straight up at the ceiling, like some of the gorgeous T-girls and futanari animations I loved to watch online. The thought of such a beautiful trans started to get my cock stiff again. I pictured myself just massaging and licking her ass to get her cock hard so she could fuck me. I imagined myself sucking her enormous cock and swollen balls between, her luscious feminine thighs, and then me squatting down onto it, riding that thick shaft all the way down. I was getting harder still.

As I leaned back to get the perfect view of her asshole, and picture where her balls would be hanging, my hand hit the vibrator that was on the bed. I picked it up and let the lifelike dick head, an elaborate, fleshy helmet, graze my asshole. Man that felt amazing. My cock stiffened even more. Delphina hadn't noticed me picking up the dildo since she was thrusting her wet swollen pussy in the air, pleading to get impaled on my cock.

"Wait a minute, this could be a win-win," I thought. I used the voice activation to turn on some music. "Alexa, play Sade. Alexa, volume up." Sade's sexy voice started booming out of the speaker, covering any possible noise from the vibrator.

"Jesus, what are you waiting for? Stick your massive cock in me now! I need you to fuck me hard," Delphina begged.

I concealed the dildo behind my leg and felt for the on-switch. The dildo was a realistic, stiff but soft, silicone, 10 inch cock. It was thick too, with large protruding veins on the sides and the support columns of a real cock protruding like a raging hard-on. I found the on-switch, and another button next to it, which I assumed secreted liquid of some sort.

The dildo purred to life behind my leg and the loud music covered the sound. It not only vibrated but the tip also made slow circles in the air.

"Stop teasing me! Fuck my pussy! I'm so ready for your cock and cum," Delphina pleaded.

I cupped her soaking wet pussy with my other hand and she let out a squeal and almost came. As I pulled my hand away I let two fingers drag through her now well parted pussy lips. She squealed again and began to pant, as if she was trying to control the orgasmic wave that was building in her. I took the hand that had just left her pussy, covered with her vaginal love sauce, and slathered the lube in my own ass crack.

I circled my fuck hole opening with two sloppy fingers, then inserted them to the top knuckles, and rotated them inside my rectum, lubing all exposed surfaces with Delphina's pre-cum. I clenched my ass cheeks and sure enough, my ass crack felt slippery and wet. I put the head of the artificial cock against my dilating sphincter. The dildo head was vibrating vigorously and circling my sphincter ring. My cock leapt and a drop of pre-cum ran down the groove at the head of my cock. Now I was the one controlling my breathing to stave off an imminent orgasm.

Delphina reached down and grabbed my rock hard cock. She lifted her head to look at my cock in her hand, with an expression of surprise on her face. "Wow! You've never been this hard before! About time. Now destroy my cunt with that!" she moaned. She pulled her thighs apart even further to grant me full access to her pulsing pussy. I pushed the dildo against my portal and my asshole expanded and swallowed the dildo head. It felt amazing. I pushed harder and the shaft slid slowly and smoothly into my ass, making a squishing sound as it went deeper. Now the vibrator sound was diminishing and increasing as it went in and out of my ass.

I pictured a beautiful, muscular hunk of a man with a huge cock behind me, penetrating my ass for the first time. He is simultaneously thrilled with the tight smoothness of my asshole and with being the one to take my anal virginity; he is the one turning me out. My cock stretches tighter and a ribbon of pre-cum drips from my cock at the thought. I held the base of my throbbing cock and dragged the head up and down between Delphina's pussy lips. Her lips parted slightly, involuntarily. "Holy shit! Oh my god! Fuck yes! Do that!" she screamed as she lifted her hips to try to get more of my cock in her pussy. She was twisting and pulling on her own nipples, in the throes of ecstasy.