All Comments on 'AMA - The Divorcee: Day 02'

Hi everyone! There are accompanying images to this story that I had to remove to make sure this finally gets approved for publication. After my readers from the original site I posted this to suggested I use photo models for reference of what the characters look like, I may have become reliant on those photos instead of describing them in writing. If you're interested in seeing the photo models for characters, here is the image gallery link: https://imgur.com/a/kkvjNEf (potential spoilers in the gallery)

Great, thanks

I really like your story and plot. You have written it well. The only thing that dissapoints me about the story is that while you explain the situation very clearly even during action scenes... you fall short in descriptive language. Creative writing has a saying... 'show, dont tell' In other words describe what is going on in creative words. Paint a picture with your words. If you want an image to inspire and cause a reaction. Describe it. For instnace, when we see Cassie about to have sex with her long term crush for the first time. He should have looked at her in total awe. You SHOW this by describing exactly what she was wearing and how she looked to him. Because when human beings are in awe... our brains record images in exacting detail. Thats why special moments we may never forget.

I like your story very much and I cant wait to see the next chapter. I hope my comment will be taken as intended.

@Master_Doctor The feedback is very much appreciated! It's a weakness in my erotic writing that I've been made aware of before, but it was more sensual in nature (touch and smells). I'm not sure I've improved much in the past year, but, hopefully, by the time the chapters here catch up to the original site I post this to, I can better implement your feedback as this is honestly the first time I've gotten it. Again, thank you very much!

I like the plot, please continue

Excellent chapter, I'll be excited to see the next one. It was very exciting as is. If you can learn the skills you're discussing below with Master Doctor it will really put it through the roof. Your descriptions are already very good, though, so please don't be dissuaded from further writing by that critique. I don't sense that you will, as you're having a great discussion below.

When's the next one? Thought I saw another one the other day and your profile says there are 3 stories by you but the third doesn't show up.

There was an issue with the next compilation as what was published under my story was from a different author and story altogether. I don't know how that happened, but I immediately reported it for deletion and resubmitted my story again. It's still currently under my pending works.

Contrary to what some people say you DONT actually have to make amends with people you don’t like and are negative forces in your life or who have wronged you. What Diane did was unacceptable. Her wanting to be an irresponsible party girl piece of shit (like Tanya who comes across as a very bad mother by the way) and not being able to because of a kid is not valid justification for what she did. A forgivable offense would be to leave her husband because amicably as possible if she was unsatisfied without cheating.

I understand. This is a long story not yet finished, and I've gotten this initial reaction before so it doesn't surprise me. My only concern is that I hope these strong thoughts on these initial chapters don't deter you from reading further as I do address them. Slowly, but surely.

I want to say that so far I'm really enjoying this story. I've been reading Breakthebar's "AMA - The Boyfriend" and have loved that so far and have sought out 'Fantasy' on CYOA but I hate the format of that site, so avoid it. I just like an author to show me the path the story navigates in a readable fashion that interests me, and so far this has. Good stuff.

I really enjoy the story, but written in 2nd person is really throwing me off. The dialog is very confusing and I keep having to reread sentences. I strongly suggest you use either 1st or 3rd person in the future.