All Comments on 'AMA - The Divorcee: Day 08'

I like these stories and how you're showing different parts of the story by using different perspectives. I know at some point you had an imgur link for all of the women, can you put that in the story at the end each time so we don't have to go find it please?

Apologies, but I can't put links into the story itself. It gets sent back as it's not allowed. The imgur gallery link is on my bio now though, so you can find it there.

This story is good but it could be so much better. It is actively being hurt by the poor decision to have it straddle the line between mind control and a consensual harem. The consensual side is ruined by the mind altering aspects and the characters attempts to justify it are poor at best. The mind control side is ruined by constantly asking for permission from the girls before doing anything. The point of mind control is to take what you want without asking. This story would have been significantly better if it had just chosen a direction and committed to it 100%. This half measure stuff is weak.

The "half-measure" was a conscious decision of mine for this story, and the direction I chose. I have read mind control stories that do exactly what you say (because yes, that's the point of a mind control story), and this was my idea to at least differentiate from that. I take full responsibility as the writer for the justifications being poor at best, since it's on me for not thinking of better justifications.

I personally enjoy writing someone who limits themselves even with an app like this and someone who makes sure that the emotions his girlfriends feel for him are genuine (to an extent). Yes, it multiplies affection/love/lust, but you can't multiply by zero, and that's where I hinge the genuineness of the feelings of his girlfriends. Thank you for the feedback, but I'm afraid it's not one I can implement as it is counter to what I intend for the story to go. Cheers!

“This story is good but it could be so much better. It is actively being hurt by the poor decision to have it straddle the line between mind control and a consensual harem. “

Completely disagree. I enjoy the line you’ve drawn down the middle here. Keep it up, this is working well.

Hmmmm, I like the concept but the constant interruption by the Stats makes this much less readable.

I don’t have a suggestion as to how you can get round that…..yet

@JohnnyRebBB That's duly noted. I got a lot of feedback from the original site I post this on that I don't utilize as a writer or Jay as the MC doesn't check the app much for a story under the AMA; and these sets of chapters was probably in response of that, and there are definitely arcs where he'll be doing a lot more of it.

I guess presented in a continuous compilation and not per chapter, it is a lot more intrusive to have the points being constantly updated from chapter to chapter, and even repeat the same scores you've already seen within the same page here on Literotica. I guess the reasoning behind that is this story was tailored towards the format and publishing of the original site and I've leaned into it without properly considering how it will appear in other publications/websites. It's not an excuse, and I'll try to be more mindful of it in the future, but it might take a while to reflect here on Literotica, as the latest published chapter here (as of my writing this comment) is around a hundred chapters behind.