All Comments on 'Amber Surprise'

In your fifth paragraph you change from "me/my" to "him/his" quite a lot. Proof read before submitting.

The jump between my/him makes this annoying very quickly and not worth finishing. Please edit things before you post them

Cant even be bothered to finish reading it much less rate it

I apologise for the changing of perspectives that are correctly at their worst in the 5th paragraph, I asked a friend to amend my grammar and punctuation but was corrected from a 3rd person perspective. I should have re checked before submitting. I will amend and re submit for next week.

If you could decide what person you are, it'd be great.

Your pronouns are all fucked up. Is it in the first person or the third person? The narrator is a He, but sometimes it refers to "my" this and "my that". Who is I? Is it the husband? Is it a voyeur? Make up your mind!

Dude. Who the in the faffy waffle is telling the story? Other than that it was fun to read.

Every man needs a woman like Amber. She will make any sensible man's marriage heaven on earth

Good story ut still a big problem asking here consistent