by sugardolphin
Every man needs a woman like Amber. She will make any sensible man's marriage heaven on earth
Dude. Who the in the faffy waffle is telling the story? Other than that it was fun to read.
Your pronouns are all fucked up. Is it in the first person or the third person? The narrator is a He, but sometimes it refers to "my" this and "my that". Who is I? Is it the husband? Is it a voyeur? Make up your mind!
I apologise for the changing of perspectives that are correctly at their worst in the 5th paragraph, I asked a friend to amend my grammar and punctuation but was corrected from a 3rd person perspective. I should have re checked before submitting. I will amend and re submit for next week.
The jump between my/him makes this annoying very quickly and not worth finishing. Please edit things before you post them
In your fifth paragraph you change from "me/my" to "him/his" quite a lot. Proof read before submitting.