All Comments on 'Amorous Goods: The Sumerian Dildo'

A certainly interesting story, it was well worth the read. My two major complaints are 1.) The narrator’s voice comes in too much. For example, the narrator uses an “I” statement at one point and in another point used “…hell no…” as a point of exaggeration. This takes the reader out of the experience as they are no longer following a story, but being talked to. My advice is to maintain a consistent narrative speaking style. 2.) The story beats are too identical. I understand that the story beats need to be very similar to show progression of the corruption, but too many of the lines are repeated near verbatim.

Overall, it is a great story. I did actually really enjoy the unique tale and the corruption of the icon.

Thanks, good constructive criticisms that are helpful. Thanks for sharing.

I got the impression that you wrote about 2500 words or so. Then you used the "copy and paste" function in your word processor to expand your story out to 7500 words. I pretty much got bored with it and skipped until the text message from the store was revealed. 🙄 The whole abuse of her husband after he came back home was a huge let down. Cuckold stories are a huge turn off for me and a warning would have been nice since you stuck this one in Erotic Horror, not Loving Wives where it truly belongs.

Splendid. The clothes being too loose, and her not understanding, is gorgeously described.

A perfect "Karen attitude" with the store clerk-I was dying laughing.

And the can of tuna, OMG, I'll never be able to eat tuna again without giggling.

A sequel, please!

Good. Instructions were never read but is this the end.

I have to disagree with ScottishTexan on the category of your Amorously Good story. You got it right with Erotic Horror. She is controlled and violated and her husband is possessed and raped by a demon, that's Erotic Horror. As for his complaint about the cuckolding, I note that your MC didn't plan on that. In fact, she got ready for her husband's return in a way that said she was going to fuck his brains out. But then, 'the Devil made her do it!', to borrow from Flip Wilson. ;-) And speaking of the Devil, or the Demon in your case, when I read about his two penises, I wondered if you'd read my partner, Sams_Island's, story about Satan's dual-cock. But I see that publishing that story to Literotica is still on his to-do list, so I guess you both came up with that idea independently. But it's a good one and having him use one on husband and wife at the same time is a wonderfully twisted piece of evil. As for some other comments about repetitiveness in some of your scenes, keep writing and you'll get better. One practical suggestion is to read the story out loud as part of your editing process. It can really point out things like rhythms and stumbling points.

Great imaginative story. Possibly could have ended it a bit earlier, but you didn't go too far for sure.