Ample Stool Sample

"Hello?"

"Hannah?"

"Yes."

"It's Neil. How are you?"

"Good. You want my mom?"

"Is she available?"

"She's out on an errand."

"Tell her to call me."

"I will."

"How's the website going?"

"Uh, okay I guess."

"Sales kinda slow?"

"Had a rough month. But we're working on it."

"Hannah, I've been there. Hire new models. Take a cut of their sales, like I told you before."

"I ran it by my mom. No verdict yet."

"Keep me posted."

"I will. Thanks, Neil."

Hannah placed the cordless back on the dock.

Fucker never calls for me for jobs, Hannah thought.

Hannah was bare naked from the waist down, her huge round buttocks dappled with fluffy, curdled milk textured cellulite.

She was wearing a gray short sleeve modal lounge shirt that showed her erect nipples through the front of it. She had left her house slippers and her black yoga pants on the bathroom floor.

When the phone rang, she was in the middle of a really stubborn bowel movement, one that dirtied up her anus when she pinched it shut around a bulk of creamy turd.

Hannah only answered the phone because the caller ID didn't announce the number of the caller and she thought it was estranged boyfriend Germaine.

But, it was Neil David, the adult film producer.

Hannah knew that her mother Teah was getting jobs outside of the softcore porn site they ran.

One job with a sleazy German photographed almost ended with Teah getting sodomized. The photoshoot was concluded when Teah pulled out her handgun and nearly castrated the miserable Arschficker.

Hannah often thought that Teah was playing with her life, going on assignments without protection.

But protection was the least of Teah's worries. She was on an errand, but not only was it business related. It was pleasured relations.

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Teah bounced aggressively on Germaine's rigid blood-filled erection, her arms wrapped tightly around his strong upper body, undersides of her thighs clapping on his lap.

Teah was in a dive motel on the south side of town, shooting a scene with her sportscam.

Her snug love glove oozed thick cream, slathering up his penis with her skin-moistening vaginal butterfat.

Teah slowed down so that she could grind against him using her pelvis, swiveling her broad hips. Her pace then lowered to gradual riding as her open anus revealed a dark chunk of shiny fecal rock crowning.

"Here it comes," Teah breathed.

She concentrated on birthing the brutal carbonado cluster while her vaginal walls gripped Germaine's penis

"This is some hard dookie," she declared.

Teah's stool was a randomly oriented cluster of poop pebbles that poked out of her budding anus.

"I wanna push it out while I ride you dick."

Germaine pulled her buttocks open with his hands.

"It's thick," Teah said, feeling the turd slowly pass.

Then, Teah picked up the pace again, making the turd wag up and down as she bounced on Germaine's lap.

When Germaine finally lost his load, Teah's tender turd cutter pinched off the gnarly knot of noir sapphires.

Teah got off of Germaine's lap and looked down at the desiccated polycrystalline creation that dropped out of her ass and on to the white puppy training pad.

Teah swore that there were a tiny thirsty squatters in her intestines, sucking the moisture from her stools.

She turned off the sportscam on a tripod at the foot of the bed and turned off the flood light.

She quickly cleaned her asshole by digging between her butt cheeks with a white hand towel with the logo of the dive motel on it. She tossed the hand towel away smeared with dark shit residue and put her leggings back on.

Germaine watched Teah put on her tunic.

"You going to edit that?" he asked.

"Yeah," Teah's feet found her flip flops. "I'll call you again when I have to take a dookie."

Teah gathered her things and left. Germaine sat there staring at her fecal monstrosity. He built the nerve to nudge it with his index finger. It was still fairly warm.

Outside, she looked to the outdoor seasonal pool with a disgusting ring around it so dark, she wondered if a mud-caked rhino had used it as a bath tub, and even a toilet.

Gotta love modern budget lodging, she thought.

Teah got into her van and started it. She looked up at the sun visor and pulled it down so that she could check her face. A white 5x7 booklet envelope fell into her lap.

She opened it and took out instructions for collecting stool specimens for immunochemical fecal occult blood testing (iFOBT for short).

Hannah's lab work, Teah thought, and put the envelope on the passenger side seat.

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Teah drove home and found Hannah in the bathroom squatting on the rug in front of the toilet, holding on to the bathtub. Teah heard a deep crackling sound and smelled a horrid odor that reminded her of an unclean porta potty.

"You left your stool sample kit in the van, Hannah."

Hannah turned her head halfway.

"Where the fuck were you, mom?"

"I told you I had to do a video shoot. And watch your language when you speak to me. I am still your mother."

Hannah got up, feeling the head of the creamy turd mesh between her butt cheeks.

"Neil called."

"What did he want?"

Hannah snatched the booklet envelope from Teah.

"He didn't say."

"I need a sample of your poop."

"I know," Hannah said.

"I just need a little bit," Teah said.

"I'm trying to go."

"I'll get the commode."

Teah got a gray, steel folding bedside commode out of her room and placed it near the sink. She put what looked like a white litter pan under the open commode.

Hannah sat on the commode seat and adjusted herself so that her budding anus was clearly visible.

When Teah's cellphone rang, she tapped the screen to turn on the speaker option. It was Neil David.

"Neil," Teah said, putting her cellphone on the sink.

"Teah," Neil answered. "Was your phone off?"

"Yeah. I was shooting a scene for the site."

"I got work for you, if you're up for it."

"Lay it on me, Big Daddy."

Fuck you mom, Hannah thought, feeling her thick greasy turd stretch her anus open. You'll fuck anybody for money. You probably fucked Neil. That's why he keeps calling you. You act like you don't care about dad anymore, but you're still in love with him.

Teah got down on her knees with the 5x7 envelope in her hand while Neil rattled off. She got down on her right side and looked up into the bottom of the commode.

Hannah was birthing a creamy behemoth that crackled so loudly, Neil could hear it over the phone.

"What's going on?" Neil asked.

"Hannah's pooping," Teah said, prepared the sampling probe. She looked up and saw the tapered end of a huge turd with the profile and color of a steamed sweet potato groundhog, making Hannah's anus curl inward.

I'd better take a sample now, Teah thought. She could be in here all day trying to push that thing out.

When Teah put the grooved portion of the sampling probe up to the tip of the turd...

KA-SPLUT!!!

A violent deluge of mushy poop spewed forth form Hannah's anus, spattering Teah with projectile feces on her right hand, forearm, shoulder, and face. Teah sprung up and banged her head on the commode chair's underside.

"Fuck!" Teah screamed, and quickly got up.

"Hello?" Neil asked.

"That dump felt amazing," Hannah declared, feeling her stool still flowing from her anus like soft serve.

Teah looked down at the sampling probe; only the tip of it had Hannah's poop on it.

"Jesus Christ, Hannah!"

"Is everything okay?" Neil asked.

"No," Teah shouted. "This bitch shat on me!"

"Maybe you should've recorded it," Hannah said.

"Shut the fuck up," Teah snarled.

Hannah got up and wiped herself, leaving her bowel movement in the litter pan. Teah flushed the stool, cleaned out the litter pan with bleach and got into the shower.

Teah scrubbed her face, shoulder, and arm like she'd tear her skin off. She had touched Hannah's poop before, but she was never attacked by it. Then again, maybe Teah deserved it for secretly fucking Hannah's baby daddy.

After Teah got cleaned up, she inserted the sampling probe into the sampling bottle and snapped the cap on tightly. She wrapped the sampling bottle in an absorbent pad and placed it into a plastic bag.

She put the plastic bag with the sampling bottle into a special waterproof self-adhesive envelope. She peeled tape from the flap and pressed the flap firmly to seal it.

Wearing only her oversized sleep shirt and flip flops, Teah took the envelope with Hannah's stool sample out to the mailbox. On the front of her sleep shirt in thin, white capital letters was: EAT. SLEEP. SHIT. REPEAT.

The sleep shirt did a terrible job hiding Teah's ripened pear of an A-shaped ass. The elderly neighbor across the way backed out of his driveway. A young man in a slow-moving SUV got distracted by Teah's derrière.

The SUV bumped into the rear of the elderly man's car. The old man got out of his sedan and checked on the younger guy in the SUV. The young man wasn't even concerned about his car. He just gawked at Teah.

Neil called Teah back as she went back to the house.

"You free to talk now?" Neil asked.

"Yeah," Teah said, standing on the sidewalk, watching bystanders slowly gather to observe the fender bender that she inadvertently caused. "What's up?"

"I got a job from a guy who runs the Flatulence Fetish website. He saw your 'groundhogging granite' clip and wants to work with you. Now, you said it was okay to send my people to you if you need the money, right?"

"Sure. Send him over. Is he on his way now?"

"He left about an hour ago. You still home?"

"I'm standing outside of my house, Neil."

"Wait," Neil said. "He just texted me. He said he's at the address, but he just hit the back of some old guy's car."

Teah looked to the young man who owned the Sport Utility Vehicle texting on his cellphone.

"Is he driving an SUV?" she asked.

"Do you see him?"

Teah smiled and waved to the young man.

"It's him, Neil. He's here. Thanks again."

Teah waited for the police and the people to disperse before she met the young man at the end of her driveway.

"I'm Teah Jones," she held out her hand.

"Clint," the young man shook. "Neil sent me."

"I'm so sorry about your car," she said. "My big ass has a nasty habit of causing shit like that to happen."

"I think you're incredible," Clint said. "I'd like to do a shoot with you. I have a few other girls lined up too."

"Who are they? Do I know them?"

"They're some of my regulars. Ms. Kenya Brown, Ana Selena, some Jewish chick named Rena."

"Never heard of them."

"Good," Clint said. "You'll all get along great."

"How much does this job pay?"

Clint flicked his cellphone screen and showed it to her.

"That, Madam Dookie, is some serious bread."

"All of that just to fart on camera?" she asked.

"You game or not?"

Teah smiled and batted her eyelashes at Clint.

"Where and when?"