by Karlam
Too short! Otherwise you'd have got five stars.
Looking forward to more, but hold off if you need to, and maybe combine a couple of shorter pieces into something of a more satisfying length.
xx
You had me all the way. Couldn't wait to find out where this was going. Then it just stopped as your protagonist cleared the first hurdle. No fair!
I think you have a great story starter here. This story has a lot of potential and your writing is worth reading.
I hope you will make your future stories a bit longer, so you can share your character's secret yearnings, her quiet jilling to fantasies of her dream girl, her flirtation at cinema, and her surprise when her dream girl feels her up in the flickering darkness. Will they make it back to the shop, or will dream girl take her in the darkness of the alley?
Mmmm. Please, please fulfill your potential with this quiet beginning.
A very engaging and well written opening but needs extending and developing even as a first chapter. Please continue the story as it has real potential.
Deeply saddened😭 this little tidbit had all the earmarks of a long running drama. You presented it with tantalizing grace and charm. So wish that you would have come back with the rest of the story.
I'm giving this work of class and charm 5🌟's.
The making of what could have been a nice story please continue the story!
You state that your character is only 15, so, if you are in the UK, nothing physical is going to be legal for a year ot, if in the US, for three years?
Details ;ike these are important.