All Comments on 'Amy's Security Continues'

This isn't the final draft of the story, it was up loaded by mistake, I informed the good people a Lit and I'm sure the proper version will be posted in a few days.

Again, sorry for the hassles

Amanda

GREAT STORY! Even better writing. You do have a exceptional talent for writing from a mans pint of view. I realist you need to time jump in the story to keep it at a readable length BUT I do miss the possibility of reading the details in your story. Please keep writing I'll be keeping a look out for more of your stories

Yours was a very well writen tale. All of us make mistakes in our writing. We're all human. My proof readers return perfect copy but I screw it up by making those "extra" changes.

While not germain to your characters, I would have liked to know in a little greater exactly how the little company was turned around.

The other item I was left wondering, was Amy's reactions while her downfall was actually happening.

All said, I enjoyed your story.

Mendon

GREAT STORY! Even better writing. You do have a exceptional talent for writing from a mans pint of view (I mean point of view Fraudian slip). I realist you need to time jump in the story to keep it at a readable length BUT I do miss the possibility of reading the details in your story. Please keep writing I'll be keeping a look out for more of your stories

You did mention this was not the final version, and maybe perhaps it was picked up, but you do seem to have a lot of trouble with homophones, the spelling of them as two words, rather than as just one.

This occurred to me several times whilst reading, and example of it is in the penultimate paragraph :- "Bessie is getting under foot more and more."

Underfoot, a single word, would have been a better word choice. But it is a minor point.

There were some other minors, missed words, words your VRS didn't pick up, no doubt emended in the final version.

Having Said all that negative stuff, this was a Very Very Good Read. Enjoyed **from Beginning to End**.

Cheers, and Thank You,

Kilroy

sad stories about stupid bitches it's one thing. at least he still lets some gap open for better or worce. while good story telling and writing , you definitly kill the main characters. both so to say. you make her a broken woman who has not even learn anything, she could aswell shoot herself, her meaning of life is now less than that of an ugly flower. her exhusband is not better now, of course he looks like the hero of the story but actually he isn't. he got a wondrous boost of brainpower and with it a mean streak in his character. otherwise it is not explanable that he had worked before without succes in his company and all of a sudden he has all the necessary contacts for that turnover. he also seemed to have taken a quick CIA , FBI or wathever, lesson in profiling but instead of making good use before and during this story, his dark side wone over and he just used it for destruction. no problem with Jason but breaking a person and make her mentally ill , I mean worse than she was before doesn't make him a good guy. In the end all I have to say, write your own stories if you have enough fantasy and don't get revenge on other persons characters.

I thought it was okay. But as someone who likes the good guys to win and the bad guys to lose, which happened here in this story then I approve. Thank you for writing.

told pretty well. The need for an editor was often evident as I read. The story flowed well and while not swift, the justice did arrive. I liked it better than JPB's work.

Thank you.

I liked how you worked this story out. I especially liked how you maintained the integrity of the characters. Sam is a clear thinking, Strong personality. His "mistake" was loving and trusting Amy. That didn't work out because Amy was flawed. This is a common theme, one person loves another and doesn't see their flaws. It was interesting how you showed how Amy's flaws continued to pursue him into his job and was affecting everyone else in the company even though he, personally, managed to escape the effects. Sam's integrity required him to step up and deal with the problem and with Amy. He had still been trying to protect her from the consequences of her own behavior but finally realized that it was not good to do that, even for Amy. I think the lesson here is that your "security" is in a strong and loving relationship with your spouse, not with your job. That's where so many of these Loving Wives get into trouble. They start looking for something, security, status, excitement, etc but they decide to turn to someone else beside their husband and it blows up on them. The grammar in the story is pretty bad but since you have indicated this is a draft that accidentally got published I'll give it a pass. I actually thought it was pretty funny because some sentences are very eloquent and then some are pigeon English because of missing or misused words, almost like two different people were switching off writing. LOL

you sure do have talent, don't waste it by re-writing JPB's stories. He's a good writer, some of his stories sucks big time, but that's the way they were ment to be. You sure do know what the "LW" crowd wants, if you want attention then JPB's stories are the best, try re-writing Matt M's stories, you'll get even more attention. My only advice to you is to write your own stories.......

Your story is actually pretty good once you get past the silly ideas you have about how a large business is actually run.

Keep trying and get advice or do research into the details of of the world you use for your story. (i.e. Business, politics, military, etc.)

Sam said; "that I wasn't a wimp when I kicked you out the first time" but in fact a wimp is exactly what he was. I had given up reading JPB stories months ago because I just got tired of his wimp stories, and it got to the point if it was a JPB written story, just don't read it and save myself the aggravation. Alas you have forced me to read a JPB story in order to follow this story line, and sure enough it pretty much lived up (down?) to my expectations. Actually it wasn't nearly as bad as most of his other stories, and in fact - it rated two stars instead of none or one! Although Bob didn't leave much to work with, you did the best you could with what you had. I understand why you had to re-characterize Sam with a functioning brain, and a pair of balls in order to make this continuation work, it also seemed that Amy had changed and gotten nastier. Anyway I ramble and digress. Bob has so many more stories, much worse than this one, in greater need of improvement, I'm not sure why you picked this one to fix. Anyway keep up the good work, I enjoyed your sequel immensely, even though it was a little low on sex.

Well done and keeping "rewriting JPB's or anyone's wimp ass efforts" anytime! You have several new fans - thank you for an enjoyable/re-mastered sequel to one of many JPB's screwed up stories.

A fitting sequel to JPB's tale. A VERY enjoyable ending and creative work on your part. Send us more!

A well deserved closure to an otherwise half-baked plot by JPB. Thank you very much and Keep up the good work. However, while you're still at work with JPB's many incomplete stories, there’s another one called "Revenge" by "Alanzo14" that might interest you. It screams for a better ending itself mostly due to the partially built up story line and the hostile atmosphere with which the plot abruptly ends. Forgive me for prodding rudely this way but I couldn't help thinking what if someone with a brilliant active imagination like yours were to write a follow up or an alternative ending to this particular story. - Anderson

I'm a JPB fan and I couldn't imagine a better sequel than this. You have a wonderful command of the English language and a marvelous story telling ability. You have, as far as I can see, stayed true to the events, characters and plot in JPB's original story. I cannot remember the last time I saw or heard the word "asseveration" used correctly in a sentence, which, by the way, gives me cause to wonder about the accuracy of your bio. At "18 - 22" you would be a little less than 1/3 my age and, young lady, I would be proud as hell to have written something this good with all the experience and wisdom an old guy like me has supposed to have accumulated. I see you have written some other stories. I'm looking forward to getting at them soon and to seeing even more of your work in the future. Like many others, I appreciate the time, energy and talent you have put into entertaining your readers.

Please, keep on taking JPB stories, and giving them endings. This was very well written, and gave a lot of closure to the story. Thank You.

You do have a feel for JPB's stories and your ending are interesting. But, most of all you write so well and you can just see the characters as you read. Please keep writing stories, they are very intertaining and very good.

I can't take all the credit for this tale.

Yes I did do 90% of the work. The insight into the male mind doesn't come from me as you may all well have guessed, but from a very dear, and I have to say elderly gentlemen I have known all my life.

I am in the process of doing a treillage of our relationship and his life in general. I think with that one, the reader will see why I have the mindset I have.

In addition, I have to thank Britease for his generous help, for both time and tips on how to effectively get my story across to the reader. He helped me at a time when it was obvious that his efforts were needed elsewhere and I do so appreciate the time he set aside to go over my drafts.

Thanks Brit...You’re the man!...lol

JPB has about 80 unfinished stories in my opinion.It would be nice to see you work your talent on more of them.

Thought your story line was very imaginative, and loved where it went.

Also liked your use of language...words I haven't seen before excite me! To bad this was just a draught....(!!)

My only hesitation is that I really wish your Brits would get an American editor! I lived in England working outside Martlesham for BT for 2 years where I learned to hate when y'all tried to imitate Americans. Don't get me wrong I loved the story but the constant use of British spelling and idioms was a constant sour note in an otherwise fine performance! :-)

for your next effort (and I hope there are many) remember that Americans get a "raise" not a "rise", damn few of us work for a company which offers a pension, we do "maneuvers" , we never call anybody "SIR" especially out here in the West, we don't spell apologized with an "s", and don't have centres or calibres. lol!

I only make this observation because JPB's story was about American's working in America and these kinds of mistakes were quite off-putting. :-)

Very best regards and looking forward to your next contribution,

Chagrined.

Isn’t the English language just infuriating!

Probably because it’s not actually a language in its own right, but a collage of various languages like French, Latin, German, and Anglo-Saxon, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there weren’t a whole lot more in there as well.

I take your point Chagrined, Mum or Mom is one, but doesn’t annoy me in the least. I can see why you would shorten Mother to Mom, having an o in both, where Mum doesn’t seem to fit a formula.

In my opinion drug is in the same category as mum, it doesn’t fit any formula that I can see. I have the same feeling as you when I see drug in place of drag. Where did it come from? I know that there's a sport called Drag Racing, both here in Australia and the US. There might be Drag Racing in England as well, I don’t know, but it’s not called Drug Racing in America, Why?

The only explanation I can think for calling it Drag Racing in the first place is that the car in front is dragging the slower car, as though one would drag something behind them. If that analogy is correct, then the Americans should be calling it Drug Racing, and if not, then how does drug get its origin in the American slang of English?

Perplexing; isn’t it! I have been told by many that English in all its international forms, is one of the hardest languages to learn, and the written word is even harder to master, as I am in no doubt that you yourself know full well.

I'm only a toddler when it comes to some of the authors here in Lit as well as those out there in hardcopy land. But again like an infant, I have this insatiable urge to learn.

I’m a word sponge! I love new and interesting ways of expressing myself. When I’m writing, I use the thesaurus a lot. It makes for more interesting reading when you can find a new word to use. The reason I seem to have a command of the male mind isn’t hard to understand when you consider that I just love to sit and listen to the older generation, mainly men.

All I hear from my fellow woman is fashion, style, the trouble they're having between navel and knee or the products there of, namely children! That's if they're not trying to convince me to find a nice man, get married and join their group discussions

Once I can get the guy to think above my neckline, I find they have such a wealth of ideas, views and knowledge to exploit. And I mean that in a good way! When I take on a story, I ask many questions and get many differing views on any one subject I might add. I know I sometimes drive my older friends to distraction in doing so.

Thank you for your comments, it mean a lot to me.

Amanda

Damn Good! JPB would do well to take tutoring lessons from you! His mode is to wimp a cuckolded husband out and kick them to the ditch. At last an author that gives a wronged husband some dignity. Keep up the great work..be watching for you!.

I am of course somewhat biased about this story, having helped in my own little way with a few issues of grammar etc. I do however think it is a great story and that the writer has a great talent. While helping out, I had to read the story several times, and each time I seemed to find another wonderful turn of phrase that I hadn't noticed before.

Thank you Amanda, and keep giggling!

most all of JPB's stories. I enjoy JPB's writing style and most of the time the plot. Where we part ways is in the endings that sometimes he chooses. I do not always agree with his fragmental finishes. It leaves too many unanswered questions. Makes me feel as I've only been given part of what was on the authors mind.

I think his choice of allowing Mandy01 to rewrite or finish out the ending of some of his stories is indicative of his thoughts on Mandy's writing abilities.

I have to agree with JPB. Mandy your innate ability to step into a story that has such vague ending and build something with a truly meaningful ending is well demonstrated in this story.

Again, I tell you, you are a remarkable writer and I enjoy your writing very much.

I took enjoyment from JPB’s original story although I had concerns about some holes in the plot. Your follow-on story was exceptionally well plotted and it too was a good read.

In the JPB story, Amy was an executive secretary to the President and CEO. Her position made her career aspirations largely impractical. Had she been the Administrative Assistant to the President her ambitions would have appeared more plausible and you could still have shown us she was ill equipped for the job.

You inherited JPB’s story and chose not to change Amy’s job description. In doing so you provided a logical set of limitations for her character. For example, what secretary would be granted access to present a development plan to any board of directors? And what CEO would sponsor his secretary in such an endeavor?

That part of the story was just too far-fetched, so everything that followed, including Amy’s elevation to be Sam’s boss, did not make sense. It also didn’t make sense that after having lost her position as a senior manager Amy would be offered, let alone rehired, as a secretary.

There is an edginess to the ending of the original story. In your rendition you chose to give us a happy ending for everyone, Amy included. I think that this too hurt the story.

Yours was a well written addendum to the original story. However, you might have been served better by having at least one American editor who would have surely caught the use of English idioms and colloquialisms.

Good imaginative writing, of course knowing it is fiction I understand it stretches the boundaries of plausibility. But it's fiction, so suspending belief starts somewhere.

I hate to say it though, editor or not I am astounded how many grammatical and spelling mistakes you made. I'll blame it on carelessness and typographical errors. But please be a little more careful with singular-plural, tenses, etc. I know some Brits (I've worked with a few) sometimes speak with a slang/dialect that drops "s"s where they should occur in speech. But it is not pleasant to see it in writing.

Always fun to read this story!

JPB contributed the beginning and left a complex situation. Mandy01 has taken those threads and woven a story that is true to the plots of the original, yet is really a stand alone work. Very enjoyable and well written.

As for the English idioms, I enjoy them. They are no barrier to communication and it might be a rougher story if an English woman tries to write idiomatic American. Besides, I know some Brits who live in the U.S. and they have not lost the charm of their language.

Author - you are well respected and thank you for fixing & entertaining us with your stories.

This story reminded me of the old tv show Dallas. Wonderful intrigue, thrilling corporate machinations, with constant underlying sexual heat. This story has it all:love sex and greed...all in a well written and tightly plotted package. Thank you Mandy for an extremely entertaining evenings read.

Keep up the good work, but always remember your potential audience and try to simplify when possible.

Author - you have a dedicated following, keep them coming and thank you for your sharing your talent.

Do this again. With another story this is a great!!!!! piece of writing. "Thank You " for a great read.

Again, not a bad story at all.

You have a few problems with homonyms etc which stand out. The one I recall right off the top of my head is 'escape goat'. The term is 'scapegoat'. I recall you had a couple of these things in there which jarred a bit.

Yes, I do that too and I would be obliged if people pointed it out to me so I could correct my lazy ass scribblings. (And no, I haven't posted anything. My scribblings are more fantasy then sex)

Recall the three R's: Riting, Research, and Re-writing

It is virtually just a copy. Not much creativity in there. Perhaps lack of original thought? Whom knows?

Thank you author and please write another soon.

Rich plot, excellent writing! I like your humor and was tickled to find an absolutely new expression "escape goat" - great!

I was far too lukewarm in my comments with this story.

JPBs offering left me a little cold. The ending for the guy was frankly depressing. Not one of my favorite stories. Maybe it was too probable. A hot woman can always land on her back...or is it feet? No matter. The guy got screwed for no reason. I am a sucker for a morality play.

You redeemed the story. The guy got some self respect and I liked that a lot. You also made him very insightful into the human condition as he shattered her rationalizations. I recall that from Camaryn's Baby. JPB creates intersting situations, but he doesn't always think through what is and is not half baked on the excuse side, or deal with the motives of the people involved. You tend to dig into the meat of that issue. Or at least you make a simple thing (Camaryn whoring herself for a baby, Amy for a VP slot) and add dimensions that the author didn't envision and made it more dynamic.

Another aspect I liked was how plausible you made the corporate office. The politics 'seemed' to be realistic. There were layers in Jason's actions which seemed real to (non corporate) me.

And of course, I always like 'come uppance' stories.

That said, I have a few plaints.

I find it slightly implausible that a guy who is out of the corporate mainline can pull off something like that. What they did was ill defined and so I couldn't actually cheer. I was left curious. Even a vague description would have helped get a sense of things.("Hey, we can turn the company around by closing XYZ" "All of you are going to be answering questions from the SEC if you dont' sell at X price" etc) Stuff just happened to Amy that wasn't described.

This was much better then I orignially alluded to. My fault which I am correcting.

I didn't like jpb's first story much but you brought new lift to the whole story,,,,,WOW I loved it!

... Apparently like you, I don't really care for those stories which expect you to use your imagination for an ending. If I have to use my imagination for an ending, why not just write "Here's Sam, here's Amy, Amy cheated, now use your imagination". I think you, for one, get the picture. Anyway, great work and, even though you haven't posted anything on this site in over a year, hopefully you're still writing.

Amy was - as so many in these stories are - clueless and needed to be shown where reality lives -

Nice job - thank you

A decent continuation. Thanks for the offering.

now that was a GREAT story

I was half way through this when it dawned on me that I actually read this a few months back. I thought it was good, but for some reason it wasn't very memorable. Maybe I'm reading too many of these stories. I need to get a life!

either you need to proofread more or you need to get a better editor. There are so many mistakes--typos, sentences with missing words, etc. The story was fine, but with all those errors it's not worth more than 3 stars.

Boring, derivative, unimaginative. Looks likr you googled "cliche" and plagerised what you found.

at what point did the lesbian think i could write a story with a man in it and make it seem normal?

we can all just be friends and stuff......after what she did?

lesbian or should i just say females.....dont write about men and plots, because you cant, a man can write about women because you wont shut-up about, us, issues, why, but you dont know shit about men, see this dumb ass boring plot as an example.

I also apologised for destroying her security, but I couldn't see how I could get around it without jeopardizing everyone else's job. one line ruined the story and the bleeding heart lesbian thinking that men should just die to save women.

But PLEASE, we put things in "drawERS", NOT "draws".

say what they will, I thought you did an excellent job. and it completed the story.

was 1 time too many. TK U MLJ LV NV This author, The Lipstick Lesbian seems to have vanished from the down under literary scene, A pity, she showed great promise, I hope she is alive, well and good. mlj

But I'm still not sure why Amy didn't come out of the deal with a lot more than just a little house, a menial job and a modest pension? For awhile she had a high flying job that would have made her substantial money. Selling a huge mansion would have brought in more money. And since you didn't have them throw a grenade at her, she probably got a golden parachute in the Company re-org. So I'm thinking she came out of things better than you let on. And when she got back on her feet I bet she went looking for "Mr. Right" that she could latch onto. A rich man that would have supported her in the style to which she had become accustomed. I'm sure she knew several candidates from her time as VP. SO once again, not a bad ending to a JPB story. Maybe could have been a little better. But there are SO many JPB stories that need endings. What's the holdup?

Talk about beating a dead horse. Boring as fuck. 1/5

Where our girl comes from, it's "draws". Were you doing the writing, she would think you wrong with "drawers". She knows what she's doing. She could use some closer editing though. Why don't you volunteer your expertise, you seem to have a good grip on the language. While your walk on the "curb" she bangs her tires on the "kerb".

Cheers

A proper sequel to the original. Mandy continued and finished the tale perfectly. All received what they really deserved. Just shows that putting out to get ahead doesn't work. It just makes you a worthless cunt. And the boss who used her got what he deserved also. Fucking prick.

Five Stars

I am amazed by the comments of people after reading basically GOOD stories from a FREE website. Anyway,, I enjoyed this story. Please continue to write.

Some may call them 'Draws' but unless you're talking about someone who makes pictures with a pencil ('He draws very well'), the stacked boxes with handles that hold your clothes are called 'drawers'. You may enunciate them any way you want, but the spelling should agree with Mr. Webster. Someone may call it a 'creek' or a 'crik' or even 'wash' or 'warsh', but the spelling is consistent. Now that I've played grammer police (an unnecessary job except in the most extreme cases), this chapter was a huge save over the JPB beginning story which left our hero a sniveling wimp and his wife and her pimp on top of things. There are enough fucked over spouses in real life. Please leave a little justice for the readers of these tales. Thank you for your support.

PeteCedar

Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com exposes serial cheating wife. She lost job as college instructor in Helena Montana when those details and more came to light. College administration was also given a photo of her cupping her bare 36C implanted breasts just before she had sex with one of her students

Cor that was one fucked up whore.

Dumber than a sack of Hillaries.

I have no fucking idea what the end of your story meant:

"Ohhh and my doctor. He's happy as well, so remind me to send Amy a lovely little thank you card in respect to that."

If it was explained somewhere in the story I guess I never will.

It is not that it was a bad story, just not worth reading again at all just to figure out what in bloody hell that statement meant.

That was explained several times in both stories. it's crucial to the plot.

He was a "Heart attack waiting to happen", which his doctor warned him against, but he didn't pay attention to. But now he's less stressed, in better health, and living a great life - partly in thanks to his ex-wife's reaction to his possible demise.

You go girl. Great follow up ending, no scorched earth ending, but everyone got their just rewards. Sorry you're not writing anymore.

Very good. It was very satisfying.

Much better ending than the original. I inadvertently gave the original 5 and couldn't change it. This was much better. Thanks for the finish.

Far better than the original story!

Good from front to back. Full of likeable, tolerable, and despicable, characters. A lot of betrayal, good revenge, and some redemption. In short, the full package.

Needs to be in fantasy category

Too much

If they were all that smart to begin with they would have worked for different company or got rid of management causing problems suddenly they can take out higher echelon but couldn't do lower before

How many guys did she fuck before Jason and how many for him and you walk away and leave them to it without care for Jason's wife etc

CUCKY

The story really needed this, to bring it to an acceptable end. Why do authors leave a story with potential, just hanging? 5*****s.

Very good finish to the story. Yours is just what was needed.

MANDY, I WISH YOU WERE STILL WRITING. YOU DID ONE HELL OF AN EXCELLENT JOB TO FINISH JPBOB'S STORY! THANK YOU.

Wonderful wrap-up for ol' JPB's unfinished tale.

LOL @ 'Escape Goat'. Was imagining Jason riding off into the sunset on Amy's back. Good read, a hell of a lot more fleshed out than the original story.

Loved it, very well written. Keep on writing

This is how you turn shit into gold. I hope JPB is taking notes, he might learn something from this story. Easy five stars

Good finish for a slack story

5/5

Nice finish to the story. The Peter Principle demonstrated thoroughly.

Why the f* did he ever agree to meet the ex? BORING.

I expected to hear Dolly Parton singing “9 to 5” at the end. Not a bad read, but ran out of room on my notepad trying to keep track of all the cliches.

Why do you use so many question marks!!

He should have met her one heck of a long way from his house!

Get yourself an editor and your story would be close to top knotch. I'm glad you didn't go the typical trope of Sam setting up a gangbang party for her. Never understood that one, especially when they stay together. That or the revenge fuck. Anyway, get that editor! Look forward to more of your stories.

I thought that was an excellent continuation. Thank you!

Great story with a very happy ending.