All Comments on 'An Immodest Refusal'

Please dress Jenna in lingerie. Sheer bra, satin garter belt and panties. Sheer stockings with frilly ankle socks and heels. With Jenna talking dirty while daddy pounds her and then cums on her face and in her mouth. I have thousands of pics of my smoking hot stepdaughter dressed this way. I can't tell you how many times I've jerked to her images while watching dirty talking pornstars. Still can't believe I got her to pose for me. Would love to read a story you've written like that.

Could use a good grammar review and you need to remember what you've already written. Her panties were on the floor, but then she reached between her legs and moved them to the side? You can do a lot of dexy things with panties, but having them teleport back on isn't one of them.

Not a bad effort but please try to remember what you wrote. Continuity of the story adds to it. She tossed her "panties carelessly to the floor" Then a couple of lines later she was "slipping her fingers into her panties"

Have this a three - 3 - and have some suggestions and comments.

Draft a time-line or sequence first your story. This will help you maintain a flow of occurrences, stopping you from bouncing around (in the story).

Read what you write. Then ask yourself if it is ligical, sequential, orderly and possible/believable?

Proof Read, or have someone Proof Read for you.

Comments:

For gone vs foregone, typo? voice to text programme?

How did they get to the bedroom? Whose bedroom?

If she is over his lap, being spanked, how does her pussy get outlined by her panties that he can see?

And then she is going to watch by rearing her head back, Which would be up!

She is over his knees and he can move her panties aside and see her clit? Must be just south of her tail bone.

"Her father groaned as she watched her" Now I ask, where is the mirror in which she watched her?

(He) pulling out of his slick cunt? Hermaphrodite dad?

Must admit that I am not familiar with your work. Obviously you have a vivid pornographic immagination and I encourage you to write more. The more you write, the better you become.

It made my cock really hard

Tense and point of view switching is awkward, but doesn't detract from the overall story... Going from "He took one of her nipples" to "He throws her on the bed" less than two paragraphs later, stops the flow.... Something to be careful about in later stories...