All Comments on 'An Indecent Proposal'

Little effort in an overused plot. 2 stars.

Good one but incomplete.

There was definitely a betrayal and can be explored in a follow up.

Every betrayal need not be sexual.

Needs a part -2

Unfinished for me

Both will need therapy - Him to recover from what she did, and her to figure out why she did it. She's also going to have a fun time explaining to her family and friends what happened. I do believe her Dad (maybe also her mother) will tell her that they didn't raise her to be a whore. I hope that in these days of the internet her story does go viral, that way the good guys can see she isn't worth the time. She should have remembered that she had to date a lots of frogs to find her prince. Now she threw her prince away, and although she may be attractive, all the princes will view her as damaged/defective. I hope she likes cats...

The film was far better than this load of shit.

About time a gave a story 5 stars. Finally proud of the way the mans part was writtin

This is only part of the story where is the rest

Does anybody know if this particular author is mentally retarded? Because this story is written by somebody who seems to be mentally retarded.

What a piece of shit. Not even a good ripoff of the 1993 Moore/Harrelson/Redford movie of the same name. At least in that movie, after Redford fucked Moore the entire weekend, Harrelson gave the money away, and stayed with his wife.

Part 2?

A twist worthy of O. Henry himself. 5/5!

He dos nothing to earn that money. Shes better off without him and John only proved it to both of them.

Jack is a giant man-child who is mad that someone else played with his toy.

So lets put the shoe on the other foot: if Jack was propositioned by an older, attractive woman and she promised them financial compensation for a weekend, would he do it to save their family or would he lose it all?

Make a pt.2 let them get back together just make it be years. could be a good series but that just my opinion but you got to make her earn his love again

Interesting twist. It was a sad ending, but it was always going to end badly when Jill revealed that she would literally whore herself out.

Rushed.

Very rushed.

There’s stupid and then there’s this. FFS

The intention was there. She would have had sex with him. Jack was right.

meh

I'd divorce her,, to save face, and then we go back to dating. He already has half the million. Nothing to lose

3* - could have been a 5* with some sort of retribution to the billionaire

I like it when a story surprises me, nice one. 4 stars

What a waste of net space!

Really?

Very poorly done.rather silly and pointless plot.

I admit I did not see that coming. That was a very clever twist on the old story. But she still ran off without giving her husband a thought just for some money, thinking she'd performing sexual favors for the guy, so she got what was coming to her. At least she got to keep half the money.

David's judgement always comes to mind when I read stuff like this. He murdered Bathsheba's husband to possess her for himself, and was later confronted by a prophet concerning a theft of one sheep by a rich man. David's judgement was that the rich man should be put to death.

I felt the story was mostly hollow, without much "story" to it. But it did leave me with a few tnoughts:

1. Billionaires probably need to pay more taxes

2. One million dollars cash is a great motivator and life changing money to a working class family

3. A man's ego can be fragile, but I wonder how the story would have played out if the billionaire was female, and offered Jack the weekend of servitude...

Too short to be satisfying but it was a fun plot.

I enjoyed it.

Lacking any emotion or suspense 3*s

Clever story. I like surprises. Too many stories follow same formula over and over.

That was boring. Sorry

Very seldom, like almost never, do I write a bad review of a story as every writer takes time to write. But this story is just not worth the time to read. Cheers.

Congratulations, MellowJoe, on your first 5! Short and to the point, and Jack made all the right moves. I was worried he might take her back when nothing happened, but he fully got the point that since the intent was there, what did or did not happen doesn't matter. I was also concerned that he would forego his half of the money, but again he did the right thing and took it. After all, it is community property, and he's entitled to his half. When he's married to his second wife, they'll be a lot more well-heeled than Jack & Jill were.

I enjoyed it, but the ending was rushed.

1 Star

Please stop writing.

-26thNC

Already made a movie of this a long time ago

Creative, funny, and well written. 5

The rancid cliche should be avoided: "Don't do anything too stupid. Go home. Think about things."

The "Don't do anything stupid..." bit means nothing, and it appears in a huge percentage of stories. An author of your quality can and should avoid the idiotic LW cliches.

Not original. There was a movie like this starring Robert Redford and Woody Harrelson. The only difference is there was no sex in this story.

Well (and I mean this in a good way) that was different! Those of you reading the summary and making assumptions, like I almost did, give it a quick read!

It is the principle of the thing. Like the old “Churchill” joke (may or may not be attributable to him but…) if you’d do it for a million but not for a hundred dollars, it doesn’t change what you are. Just your price! And the husband is right - what actually happened being different than what she’d expected isn’t the point.

Also I’ve tried to mow with one of those reel mowers. It’s a cute idea but OMG. You practically have to comb the lawn beforehand. Otherwise every twig and tiny pine cone jams it up so hard it stops you in your tracks! After a few (stop/start) passes you’re ready to go buy a tractor and be done with it. I can clearly imagine the wife in her ‘bunny’ suit, jamming and cursing her way through that!

Trust in a marriage is a great writing topic to explore. This story did not develop any depth within this tale. It also seemed to borrow some lines from George Anderson’s “February Sucks”. Could have been much better.

If he can't trust her, who can he trust? D

After first two sentences where author writes the couple tries to have a Friday night date once a week I knew this was not Pulitzer worthy. Fridays come once a week in my world. OK that was nit-picking.

Too much detail about the wife’s chores made this boring.

Good for her getting rid of a loser. I hope Jack is happy jacking off. Jill will be fine. She has a nice grub stake and she is young. Good riddance to Jack, he would have bailout at some point anyway.

That's a twist, but clearly the outcome is destined to be the same. The fact that she is surprised there is no sex only convicts her.

A lot more plausible than February!

thank you for restoring my faith in MANkind

5*

First, the rich guy walking off with the wife had been done to death BEFORE "February Sucks," we don't need more.

Second, she' going to go off with a stranger with no money, no ID and no phone?

Third, the money won't be deposited until AFTER the weekend? What if he stiffs them? It's not an enforceable contract.

\

What a rip-off of Feb Sucks, even the sneaking out.

\

A bit different having them not have sex, but 1) She can't prove that, and 2) She left against his wishes INTENDING to have sex.

February Sucks meets Indecent Proposal, with an interesting twist and well written. Sad outcome, but there's really no other way for it to go. I might've left her the entire $1.4M - it'd be even more painful for her that way.

Guy had it exactly right. She fully intended to fuck the guy.

.

4 ****

Like the little twist in your story. Still glad Jack divorced her. She obviously had no respect for him.

This is a slight twist on an old joke and would have been a good subject for a 750 word story. The bland descriptions didn’t add much to the story.

Nice twist on the old indecent proposal thing. The really great part of this is Jack’s reaction to the total disrespect and disregard Jill showed when she left the restaurant. That act, alone, ended the marriage. The same is true of the FEBRUARY SUCKS story. That decision, to abandon the spouse, reveals the mindset of the spouse. It says she/he believes they are entitled to make that decision without regard to their spouse’s wishes. It is a level of selfishness that leaves no room for a “partner” in the relationship. Divorce is a given in that circumstance. In this tale, it was obviously the objective in John’s “social experiment” to see if he could temp a married woman to publicly abandon her spouse for money with the implied requirement of her providing sexual services all weekend. The fact that no sexual services were required, did not lessen the impact of her decision on her husband. Her true character was revealed and Jack did what he needed to do.

Well done, MJ!

Bravo Jack! Finally a story about a man with a moral code. For what it's worth, in my opinion, he had no choice in his actions. It is akin to a wife having a non-sexual emotional affair.

I liked the story, but I didn't like the ending

Loved the the quick story but would have liked to know what the billionaire did with the information. How many had fallen into his "test"? Also, leaves us readers with the thought, what would I do in this situation? First, I'd struggle to believe nothing happened. Second, as with our hero, trust would be critically broken. I might entertain a draconian post-nup, but with no kids on the line, probably not. Entertaining - 5*

All your though is to take the money 700k. For a love? You are venal.

Now thats thinking outside the usual done to death plot box.

Never saw that coming. Totally enjoyed it. Felt a little flat but overall that didnt ruin the fun of this one.

Certainly not original but not as rediculous as that February nonsense, at least she had a reason to desert her husband, or more precisely a million reasons. I did find it rather stupid a rich guy giving a million just to have some random woman doing chores, the pretense of it being a social experiment was just too far fetched: wealthy people get rich and stay rich by being careful with their money, not by chucking millions at complete strangers.

The husband went to length in letting her know that even if she didn't cheat, just considering it was equal to being unfaithful and a million dollars was no excuse. Therefore wasn't it a bit hypocritical of him in taking half of her hard earned money? In a way that makes him no better than a pimp.

re: Harry in VA Mentally retarded? Hell, 90% of authors that post in this category are mentally retarded. Just look how many willing cuckold stories are posted daily. Makes one sick to have to wade through tons of shit daily. The stink from this category is overpowering. The cucks and fetish lovers are fawning daily in this category, so happy that their fetish is being satisfied. I looked at the first 250 stories listed in the "hall of fame" of LW and the lowest score was 4.71. What happened to LW? Now one is lucky to get one 4 star story a day. Sad, really sad. As to story, this wasn't one of the worst I've ever read. At least he wasn't a willing cuck, and got rid of the cunt..

Let's see that enormity of the stupidity in this story. John was way more money than brains. He could go to any Home Depot, and get a working crew for a couple a hundred dollars. Jill was thinking with her cunt, thinking she was getting a good fucking, when all she got was screwed. Now, Jack, he at least got half the money, and maybe, just maybe he might just find a woman who will be a bit more loyal.

I now imagine that Allbright is going to do this many times to couples who haven't had kids yet in order to test the wives.

He's actually performing a service to the poor shmucks who trust untrustworthy wives.

Not particularly original twist on old tale that suffers from lack of character development and erotica — a combination of negatives that dooms your storyline.

i can understand both of there point of views, although ??????????

Very good short story with a great twist on the rich guy exposing the not so rich's desire for wealth. Could of been longer and develop the husband and wife's thoughts but the twist was what made the story.

He should send the billionaire a Thank You note. He should also bushwhack the body guard. The billionaire just dangled a carrot and the whore lept for it. The body guard assaulted and forcefully detained him; that's a crime. Right, no witnesses. That's OK, the body guard's attack won't have any witnesses either. Hard to be a body guard from a wheel chair.

A decent plot idea, but I wish you had spent more effort on the emotion and mental anguish, rather than regaling us with the amount and the color of the paint, and what food she fixed. You do realize she was kind of pissed that the guy didn't fuck her? It would have been interesting if the billionaire had video recorded the entire weekend, so the husband can see the wife essentially being pissed that she was being a servant instead of his slut. Still, thanks for the effort.

Great story. It may be a Feb Sucks and Indecent Proposal mashup, but it had a better ending. The wife left with the intention of cheating, and kept offering and getting rebuffed. The rich guy was doing a little Trading Places social experiment to see if he could get a wife who loved money more than her husband, dump him and take off without looking back. She was a willing whore.

I liked that he told her that a rich guy like him could buy women that would make her look like yesterday's trash. Unlike most of the Feb spinoffs, Jack held firm and didn't take her back. He refused to accept being a cuckold. She was willing to be a whore for the money and they both got paid. Having my bitch, 26thNCuck, make a nasty comment didn't hurt your score. Don't worry , the bitch didn't read it anyway.

Jack & Jill went up the hill

They each had a buck & a quarter.

Jill came down with two 'n a half

D' ya think they went up for water?

Just as in this tale Jill was goin' for the money.

Our hero... but he took the money. What does that make him? it starts with a C. Complicit.

if he thought what she did was wrong, he could not have taken the cash.

If this truly was a social experiment our token rich shitty dude would have followed through with interviews of Jack and Jill and probably paid for their divorce costs as well. Maybe what would have padded this out would have been if Jack himself arranged all this to see if Jill would go for that offer.

She shoulda held out for more cash

Pretty bland story that honestly makes no sense. The twist at the end is a bit different, but why would a billionaire take the wife away like that without wanting to have sex...and I mean domestic chores? C'mon. The only was this makes sense is the rich bastard got a kick out of destroying a marriage without even having sex, maybe he had a bet with some other twisted ahole? Given the circumstances, irl the husband would go public with what the sob did, put it out there so he can't hurt anyone else.

I agree that the wife leaving thinking there would be sex is a real deal breaker but the ending was emotionless, she does little to plead with him, and he is almost like he is on valium or something. No easing, crying, no even asking why she did what she did.......

Sequel, please? Jill would finally realize what she did to herself and builds a responsible life with using her money to do good. Then Jack would see her changes and maybe donate some to her cause. But another woman tries to romance him, but does Jill try to get him back?

My wife and I enjoyed the Robert Redford movie ‘Indecent Proposal’ years ago. That movie burned that theme right into the American consciousness. We, as a married couple, have humorously discussed what we would do with that kind of offer from Redford.

Also, I’ve heard my wife and her married girlfriends joking around. They all concluded, “We’d drop our panties for half the price paid in the movie!”

Sociologically, the movie more or less made it okay for a wife to be a paid whore - if the price was right. That has had a profound impact on the idea of marital fidelity. There are advantages to be gained from a wife’s granting sexual favors to certain, powerful people who could help a family get ahead.

Now nearly 30 years after the movie, we have seen the results played out in our lives and the lives of our neighbors and friends. One happily married housewife in our neighborhood got a new back yard swimming pool for half price. A cute married friend of ours got the use of a new Mercedes Benz as long as she fucked the car dealer a couple of times a week. We can think of a dozen similar experiences from couples we know.

For example, my wife fucked a high school coach to get my son on the varsity basketball team. And she fucked the high school English teacher, who was in charge of the theater production, so our daughter got the starring role. Most of the wives in our upper middle-class neighborhood will fuck whoever, to create opportunities for their children.

She has confessed to me that she, and most of her other married girlfriends, actually enjoyed being bought and paid for. They say the naughtiness of it make the sex orgasmic.

As this becomes more normal, the price keeps going down. Hell, my wife just spent the weekend with a rich, male acquaintance of ours. And he paid for a day’s worth of her shopping at the mall!”

I have dared her to go into the bar of a businessman’s hotel, during the week, and sell herself at the going market price. She told her married girlfriends about that, and it looks like they may actually do it!

I, and most of the other neighbor husbands enjoy our wives whoring themselves out. They enjoy cumming hard on stray cock and that adds spice to our marriage.

However, the husband in your story actually had some balls and said, “I can't trust you anymore. Who's to say you won't make some other big unilateral decision in the future?”

We agree, a woman who makes a ‘unilateral’ snap-judgement decision is not to be trusted. Great story!

Unoriginal storyline and lacking erotica. Sad indictment.

The rich guy faces no consequences? That's a pity. The plot seems weak with no retribution. Figuring out how to make him hurt despite his wealth would show the author has some creativity.

Oh hell yes!

Sorry…..way too many holes in this to even be the least bit plausible. One puddly little star for you.

Interesting. Three stars.

You transferred 700k to your account so showed you committed this proposal too!!! To shame you

I quite agree with the husband she would have if the man had wanted her too How can you ever build trust on THAT ???? (jaybee186)

Thought provoking.

But this is for a MAN and a woman couple.

A cuckold would make the experiment a failure.

Nice job MellowJoe.

I liked it, the smartass bitch got hers and she deserved it to.

I think it needed more... of everything. I agree with "Kalimaxos" in general but I would have handled it differently, especially if it was in the USA given the divorce and 'family court rules. The comment that it was a mash-up of Feb Sucks and the 'Indecent Proposal' movie was fairly obvious but it could have contained a little more humour to be entertaining. I wasn't greatly impressed as it was generally very bland and not what I was expecting.

Stupid story. Make a blog or something for your short stories, they don't belong on this site

I agree with the earlier poster in that the husband should send the rich guy a thank you note. He definitely rescued the husband from what would have been a disaster farther down the road given the wife's willingness to whore herself out for money. Aside from the honest call back to Indecent Proposal this kind of made me think of the old TV series, The Millionaire (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Millionaire_%28TV_series%29) wherein a wealthy individual gave people one million dollars to see how it would change them and their lives. And, of course, the old joke with the punch line "Now we're just haggling over the price."

This was a complete waste of time to read.....doesn't belong on an erotic website. Go be a wannabe author in Reader's Digest or someplace like that, and stop wasting my time with crap like this.

What a dick of a husband. As Kalimaxos said, he was happy to take the dough. That makes a dick and a hypocrite. Wife is better off looking elsewhere. Next...

No Kay, it makes him smart. Go on take the money and run.

Kinda interesting twist. Some character development would have helped quite a bit. There's no rhyme nor reason given for why she chose whoring nor why she would think her husband would "get over it". We know nothing about them, just a Dragnet (yep, I'm that old) "Just the facts ma'am." story. Could have been good but didn't quite make it.

Taking the money makes him her pimp.

Well written, clever twist on a common theme. Could it have been developed better, sure. That could be said for almost all the emotionally driven stories on this site. That being said, it is still a well written, simple piece. Thank you.

Exactly hit the point. A short but powerful story that clearly addresses the dilemma. Everything there, everything in. A great story!

Worthless story. The cunt and the rich cocksucker didn't pay enough for what they did. Wish I could give negative stars.

I disagree with Kalimaxos, taking half the money is justifiable. She did it for money. Therefore money is the most important thing to her. Taking the money is part of her punishment. She lost half the money and her husband. We know which one she values more and regrets losing more

Dry like a susurrant fart with no epilogue.

Was this an experiment to see if we will read it for free?

Damn, I’m read your tales from now on only for one point four millions.

Captcha

Had fun reading the story as well as the comments. My takeaways -

/The story: mostly well done although I agree with many who advised that more keystrokes could have been spent on story background and character development and less on paint, lawnmowers and food menus.

/The commenters:

1) I was amused by those that had to point out that there was a movie that was something like this - no shit!! It was even called "Indecent Proposal" The whole point of the stoy was that it was a variation of that plot line.

2) Harryin VA is in fact, retarded.

She should get all the money. His taking half make him look like he wanted her to do it for the money. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with her or the money. He was taking the high ground until he took the money. Doing that he’s a loser. IMHO

I liked it and I'm glad that he left her, despite some of the comments below implying the husband was a dick and she was better off. Yes, she didn't cheat on him but that was only because the douche only wanted her to clean and crap. She willingly left her husband and was intent to cheat on him. She even said she only thought of her husband when she was leaving to go back home.

Nice story, unusual, but to the point. Rich bastards can do what they like with the money but this one was particularly sick. I wonder what some bitch did to him when he was poor? Yeah, no way Jack was going to take her back. At least Jill got her head start on wish list and she knows that deep down she's really a synicle greedy slut who has forever lost the dream she had started out with.

Kind of half a story with no consequences for the rich guy

There's nothing "high road" or noble about NOT taking half the money. That'd be just plain stupid. You think the wife wouldn't take a least half the money if roles were reversed? Besides, letting her keep ALL the money is just rewarding her for her shitty behavior and disrespect.