An Old Trope with a Different Twist

"My treat tomorrow," she said, prying the lid off her coffee. Three dunks, and she took a bite. "Yum, and another thanks."

I never dunked because it always left unappetizing chunks in the bottom of the cup.

As we munched and sipped, we heard some surprising words from down below.

"I'm going to ask all of you to read or chat for about ten minutes as I have something that needs to be taken care of." Mr. Boring hurried to a door where a man was waiting. They left together.

"I choose chatting," she said, and I nodded. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Odd question. "No."

"Me either." And you look like you didn't."

"No kidding? I look that bad? Not a big problem, I hope."

"It's not a problem at all--as long as I don't look at you."

The lower door opened, and a different man entered the hall. "Mr. Barnhart has been unavoidably called away, so the remainder of today's class is canceled."

"I'd rather not sit here to finish my coffee," Lark said.

"Snack bar, then?"

We hurried to the snack bar, sipping as we went. Seated across from each other, Lark grimaced.

"Do you carry wipes for your glasses?"

"I just use my shirt."

Lark thought for a second, took off her glasses, and untucked a bit of her blouse, which she used to clean her glasses. She looked very different without the dark-rimmed glasses. She had pale blue eyes that were very striking.

"Better," she said as she pushed the blouse inside her shorts and the glasses back on her face.

"So, it sounds like we both have sleep issues," I said, picking up where we'd left off.

"Yeah, but I don't need to bother you with my issues."

"That's fine, but it wouldn't be a bother,"

Lark was looking at me, sizing me up in her way, I was sure. I saw a quick nod.

"My mother drives me crazy worrying about me not having a man so she can have some grandchildren." Her lips were pursed when she finished, so I knew it was serious.

My turn to stare at her.

"What? See, I told you that I didn't want to bother you with my issues." She was shaking her head.

"No, no, I just can't believe this is happening."

That brought a totally flummoxed look from Lark. "Can't believe what?"

"Last night, my older sister called. She put her boyfriend on the line, and he asked me if I'd be an usher in their wedding. I said yes, and then my sister started in on me about being twenty-one and not even having a girlfriend. Blah, blah blah, and it sounds like you're familiar with the routine."

Her dimples were showing now.

"Alex, no reflection on you, but it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one that has to put up with this crap."

"Misery loves company. The ethos of an era now past has cast us together."

The dimples were prominent again. "Where the hell did that come from?"

This was the first time I'd seen Lark laugh really hard. She laughed with her entire body.

"It's just the inner poet escaping," I got out through my own laughter.

"It didn't sound like poetry, more like philosophical junk."

More laughter from both of us. We continued talking until time for our next classes.

For the next two weeks, we regularly adjourned to the snack bar after our Personal Finance class. I usually provided coffee for the class, and Lark bought snacks for our chats. Sometimes, we just studied, and other times, we talked.

It was on a Monday that she surprised me. I'd bought coffee for class, and she'd provided two delicious apple fritters, a surprise since they usually disappeared from the snack bar before we got there.

She shared about another session with her mother. She now referred to these sessions as "grandchildren talks," I called mine "marriage discussions."

With dimples prominent, she produced surprise number two.

"Over the weekend, I was watching Netflix. I should have been studying, I suppose, but I was bored. I found something called Bridgerton. I just got into it a little, but it's about a girl, Daphne, and a guy, Simon, and they pretend to be together. It seemed to be working, but I don't know how it turned out."

The look on her face and her body language was sending a message.

~~~

Lark

I wanted to see Alex's reaction to what I was saying. He was clearly questioning what he'd heard but was also giving me an are you saying what I think you're saying look. I'd done a lot of thinking, even planning, since I thoroughly enjoyed that sort of thing, despite it sometimes being an exercise in futility. It was up to Alex now.

"And why are you telling me this tale, Lark?"

"Alex, you're a college senior. You should be able to figure it out." I was anxious to hear how he'd respond to my challenge.

His head was slowly moving back and forth, and his eyes were locked with mine.

"I can't believe that I'm saying this, nor that you challenged me to say it, but you'd like for us to pretend we're dating... to fool our families?"

"I think that's it."

"You came up with that from Netflix?"

"That's where it started, but the more I thought about it, the more intriguing it became. I think it would be fun and would challenge us to think quickly and logically, and might be exciting too." I knew that my words were running together, but I was excited that he hadn't given me an outright no. The mischievous smile made me wonder.

"We'd have to hug and maybe even kiss." It sounded like he giggled.

I hadn't gotten that far in my imagining, and I'm sure my pink cheeks betrayed that. If we were going to do this, that would be a part of it.

"That's true, and it wouldn't be the first time I've kissed a boy."

"Wow, you are serious, aren't you?"

"It's only about nine months until we graduate, and we'll both get jobs somewhere, maybe far away, and we can tell our families that it just hasn't worked out, and we decided to separate."

"You have been thinking, haven't you? And you think this might be fun?"

The expression on his face had gone from amused to pensive. I knew he was seriously considering becoming half of a couple... sort of.

"I don't have to decide this minute, do I?"

"Oh, no. We've been living this way for quite a while; a little longer won't hurt.."

"I'll let you know tomorrow when we're sitting at this table."

I extended my right hand, and we fist-bumped.

I'd come here today thinking the odds were maybe 40-60 against the plan. Now I was thinking 80-20 in favor of it.

Tomorrow would tell the tale.

~~~

Alex

What Lark had proposed had totally surprised me, and I was having trouble at first understanding that she was serious about it. When I realized that she was serious, my thinking changed. I knew I had some thinking to do, but I also had classes, and one of them included a quiz. I decided to concentrate on the classes and do my thinking this evening.

I was mostly successful, including doing well on the quiz. I allowed myself to begin thinking while I ate my dinner.

I guess I was vain enough that I carefully pictured Lark. She was pleasant enough to look at, and it was her idea, so she must be content to be seen with my red hair. Of course, we both wore glasses.

There was one thing that bothered me a little, and I wondered if I was just overthinking things. I knew that in most of the pretend dating stories I'd heard of, the couple ended up falling in love. I just couldn't accept that Lark was hoping that would happen. When she'd talked to me about her family's, well, harassment of her, I could sense the deep frustration she was experiencing. I really had no option but to accept that she simply wanted to end the harassment.

That took care of Lark. What about Alex?

I certainly wasn't interested in falling in love with Lark. And my family turmoil was much less intense than her's. It might make the last year of college much more pleasant and might let us practice our dating techniques. That thought created a small giggle.

Since Lark and I hadn't exchanged cell numbers, I'd have to share my thoughts in the morning.

I slept well last night, well enough to have a brief dream where I was kissing Lark. At our class, she headed for her chair, and I pointed to her coffee, deciding not to share about the dream. She took a sip of coffee.

"Well?"

Straight to the issue at hand. I smiled. "Coffee hot enough?"

"Yes, it's perfect." Her questioning stare was penetrating.

"Good. I was afraid it might have cooled off."

There was a moment of silence.

"If we're going to be dating, you can't be such a pain in the ass." She spoke softly and emphasized "dating" with finger quotes.

That made me laugh. "I can be a huge tease sometimes, so you'd better get used to it."

A huge smile slowly formed on her face.

"So that's a yes?"

I returned her smile.

"This isn't one of your teases, is it?"

"That's part of the tease, isn't it."

I could see Lark's frustration growing.

"No tease. I'm in."

She took a sip of coffee. "Dork!" she said as the lecture began.

~~~

Lark

He'd agreed to my plot, and now I was trying to process my feelings about that. I'd proposed it and allowed him time to think it over. I decided I should have done more thinking as well, even if I was fairly well convinced that he wouldn't agree to it. But he had. I tried to concentrate on the lecture, forcing myself to write things in my notebook.

I noticed that Alex was doing just that. I could barely wait for our time in the snack bar.

I sprang for Apple Crisps for both of us, a meager celebration of our mutual consenting to be crazy.

"You looked a little surprised when I said okay. Were you?"

The overhead lights were reflecting crazily off his glasses, and I couldn't see his eyes very clearly. I hoped he might be having the same problem.

"A little, I guess, if I'm honest. I just wasn't sure. I mean, reading about something like this in a book is one thing, but actually doing it is something else."

"I know what you mean. I decided that I'm a college senior, and I need a little adventure in my life. Once I graduate, I'm sure that life will be an adventure."

"That makes me a little nervous," Lark said, clearing her throat.

"What does?"

"That you're looking at this as an adventure. You're not going to do anything goofy or silly, are you?"

"Do you have any specific examples?"

The smile told me he was enjoying my discomfiture, and that made me nervous, too. So much so that I could feel the heat in my cheeks. If we were actually going to do this, I decided I had to be honest about what I was thinking.

"Well, like, if you kiss me, it should just be a peck and nothing more. I don't want you trying to embarrass me in front of my parents."

"So you're going to allow me to kiss you, huh?"

"Yeah, when we have to. But nothing else beyond that." I knew I'd better shut up before my face was beet red.

"Hey, no problem. I'll do my best to behave myself."

The shit-eating grin that crossed his face did nothing to build my confidence. I knew I'd just have to trust him. I decided to get back to the basics.

"We need to exchange cell numbers and addresses and anything else that may be important. He recited his cell number, which I entered, and then called him. Step one complete. We took turns recording addresses on our phones. Step two complete.

"Listen," he said, a more serious smile coming my way this time. "I don't want to seem pushy, but we only live about three blocks apart. If we're going to do this, we need to know about each other's families, things that we like and dislike, pet peeves, and all that stuff that people who are dating learn about each other. Let's take an evening and do that."

It made sense, and an evening of doing it would be better than trying to do it in the snack bar. The library was out, and trying to do it at a McDonald's or Wendy's could be just as awkward.

"Would you be more comfortable doing it at your place?"

I'd have to clean a little, but maybe he'd solved the problem. I mean, we're just friends and probably wouldn't be doing anything that would lead to...

"Yeah, that makes sense and is fine with me."

"What's a good night?"

They all were since all I did was study in the evenings. "Tonight is good," I said with a shrug.

"Good for me, too. Since this is our first pretend date, would you like Wendy's, McDonald's, or maybe Subway?"

"Why don't we just pretend that you brought food." I thought that was pretty clever and smiled.

"I can't eat pretend food, so pick your poison."

Now was my chance. "Big Mac and large fries. Maybe a Diet Coke, too."

"You're on. What time?"

"How about six, and we'll quit at eight."

"See you then." He stood, smiled, blew me a kiss, and headed off.

It was the first time a guy had ever blown a kiss in my direction. What else lay ahead for me?

I hadn't thought about it at the time, but I wondered what my neighbors would think if they saw a man visiting me. Other girls and ladies living here had male visitors. When I considered it further, it was more about what I was thinking. Maybe Alex and I should duplicate some of the noises I'd heard from the thirty-something divorcee in the apartment next to mine. My cheeks were burning just thinking about it.

I put away everything that was lying around, dusted everything I could reach, and, as usual, borrowed a vacuum cleaner from my often-moaning neighbor. I returned it in ten minutes.

"This is the first time you've borrowed in the middle of the week, so you must be having company." She was looking at me and began to smile. "You're entertaining a guy, aren't you?"

I'm sure I knew what she meant by entertaining a guy. She'd probably have her ear to the wall all evening.

"I guess I'm easy to read."

"No problem, and good luck with your guy."

I thanked her and went back to my place. I was ready to entertain my guy.

~~~

Alex

I was ready to head to Lark's apartment. I'd gone to a girl's place before, but it had been her parent's house, and we'd both been in high school. College has been studying, ping pong, and not much else. This thing with Lark was so outside of normal for me that I was looking forward to it just to see if we could pull it off. I was competitive, and this was a challenge. So, 2+ 2 = 4.

I went through Micky Dee's and picked up our food, praying that the drinks wouldn't spill. When I parked at her place, I debated about texting her to ask for help. Being the loner I was, I hated to ask for help. If I spilled a drink, it would be mine. Balancing bags and drinks, I headed for the second floor.

Of course, I had to stop at the call box, strategically pressing the proper button with my nose.

"Alex."

"Yes, it is."

There was a buzzing sound. I set a drink on the floor and opened the door. At the top of the stairs, I spotted Lark waiting for me.

"Here, let me help," she said, running down the stairs toward me. She grabbed a bag and one of the drinks.

Once inside her place, we sat at her small table. She smiled when she had the Big Mac in both hands.

"I'll get the sauce all over everything, but I don't care. I haven't had a Big Mac in a year or two. Thanks, Alex."

"Just obeying orders, ma'am."

Lark looked at me, then smiled. "Practicing for our relationship?"

"I am looking forward to it," I said, and that was true. I was anticipating the adventure and the challenge of making it work.

We finished eating and adjourned to Lark's couch. I began the conversation.

"Let me start by saying I think we need to go see your parents first. They were the catalysts that caused you to get this started."

"We can begin with yours if you'd like."

"Well, I have something to share regarding that, a little surprise, I guess. My parents have a cottage, well, it's a big cottage, and they've invited me to spend a week with them. I haven't answered yet, but here's your chance to meet the family."

"Cottage ... at the lake?"

My parents weren't rich; at least I'd never considered them rich. But, seeing the look on Lark's face and the question in her voice, it was apparent that she did.

"Yup. We've had it for as long as I can remember. There are lots of things to do there, and I think you'd have a great time."

"I'll feel out of place."

"Don't be silly. You're my girlfriend, and everyone will love you." Everyone except me.

"Wow, that sounds so strange. Girlfriend." She chuckled.

"So, your parents first, then?"

"Sure, that's fine. My parents are very conservative. Dad is an accountant, and Mom is a stay-at-home mom. She wanted to be there for me and my sister. And when I say conservative, I mean things like not replacing anything in the house unless it breaks. Dad loves to say, 'It's still functional.' The only way Lauren and I could get new clothes was if we grew. And it was worse for her due to the hand me down curse."

Thank goodness Lark was laughing and not lamenting what she'd just shared with me.

"I always wished I had a brother, and I'm sure my sister wished I'd been the sister she wanted." My turn to chuckle. And I could see the question on Lark's face, along with a reluctance to ask it. "Mom was seventeen when I was born, and Dad was twenty-two. I'll share the whole story with you later. Dad owns a real estate agency and has done well with it. Thus, the cottage."

"Will your sister and fiancé be there?"

"No, they're in Hawaii. Being in the wedding there will be fun."

"I'll be nervous. Is it just the four of us, then?"

I lowered my eyes. "Not exactly. There'll be nine in total."

"Alex, oh my gosh."

"I think you're reacting just like a girlfriend should."

"I'm going to take some Valium with me."

After we'd decided the Valium would be okay, we continued with our planning. It wasn't difficult, and we could play it mostly by ear.

At eight o'clock, we bumped fists, and I left.

~~~

Lark

He was picking me up in fifteen minutes, and we were going to see my parents. Mom was so excited when I told her that I felt a little guilty... but not enough to call it off. I'd put my hair in a ponytail, a little unusual for me, but my hair was long enough for it now. Shorts, a blouse, and some flip-flops completed my outfit. I was wondering what my mother's reaction would be.

I buzzed Alex in, although I could have just gone downstairs to meet him.

"Ready?"

"I am. I think I'll be rid of my guilt by the time we get there."

"We can always break up."

"Nope!" I said as decisively as I could muster.

Alex extended his hand.

"If we want people to think we're dating, we need to act like we are."

I took hold of his hand, locked the door, and we were off.

We were holding hands again when I knocked on my parent's door.

"Say a prayer, Alex." He laughed instead, and the door opened.

"Lark, honey, come on in."

"Mom, this is Alex Middleton. My mother, Raven Fowler."

"I'm so pleased to meet you, Mrs. Fowler."

"It's good to meet you too, Alex. Your dad is waiting."

I tugged on Alex's hand, and we went to the living room.

"Hello, Lark," Dad said and looked at Alex.

"Dad, this is Alex Middleton. My father, Paul Fowler." He shook hands with Alex.

"Any relation to Middleton Real Estate? I did some accounting work for them a couple of years ago."

"Yes, sir, that's my father."

"Oh?" my father said, and I was sure he'd never imagined that I'd be dating Middleton Real Estate.

We sat and talked, Mother bubbling and Father evaluating, as always. We'd agreed to stay for an hour. Alex was willing to do more, but I was the one-hour limit person. Alex was sitting beside me on the couch, actually sitting tightly against me. Finally, the hour was complete.

"We both need to study, so we have to cut this shorter than we'd like. Sorry."

"I'm sorry too, but we're so glad to meet Alex." Mother's smile was huge.